Why are men selfish? (kiss, separation, advice, divorce)

[vpcats]

MBM... I wish I had time right now to go point by point, but I don't. I have a huge audit this week and I can't be on here as much as usual but.....
I understand what you're saying. Exactly. I especially understand about what's important to ME may not be to HIM at all (and vice versa) and thus it becomes meaningless to the other and a source of tension. But, if the other person doesn't even have a clue that something IS important to you, what's the point?

BUT, here's one little example. If EVERY SINGLE DAY you know that the cat litter has to get cleaned out, is it so difficult to just take the initiative and do it one day? Maybe dinner is running late, maybe the dog vomited, maybe the neighbor knocked on the door. There are the routine things that get done every single day. Why is it only one person's responsibility to get all this done while the other is watching TV? Not any one special program that day, it's just flipping, flipping, flipping the channels.

Do I have to go to Costco and the supermarket and the pet store every weekend ALONE and have to lug the cases of BEER???? The sodas, the detergent, the cat litter buckets. Load it, unload it, and put it away so the guy can be sitting around not accomplishing anything?? NO WAY!

You might say....don't buy those things. Let him get his own beer. Yeah, it's true and I've tried that. But "since you are going....can you bring....." and if I don't, I'm the beetch.

Lists? Lists galore. I am a list person, at home and at work. I'm very detailed and I micromanage my life.

I tried the lists. You know what the response was? "I don't need a list. I know what has to be done" and it got crumpled, unread, and tossed in the garbage.

What really, really bothers me is when people don't keep their word or don't carry through. Don't tell me you're going to do something and then something else and another something else and in the meantime none of it ever gets done until I get on my high horse and find somebody else to do it. Do extra porcelain floor tiles have to sit against the wall for one year before I finally put them in the storage shed? Do 2 x 4s have to sit in the driveway for a year, rotting, collecting bugs? And then I get yelled at for getting rid of them? "I was going to use those".

Is that the kind of stuff women have to put up with and manage not to explode too?

You know what, I don't need the crap. We either work together, hand-in-hand, or GO.

I have also been in relationships where these types of complaints were not an issue.


Geezzzzz, imagine if I did have the time to answer point by point? :-)))

[Amyluv77]

I'm just glad I'm not into men. Women are so more unselfish and giving.

[BuckeyeGuy]

I agree with all you had to say....Men that operate out of their E-G-O are truly consumed by it...I can't belive how many men today do not know how to deal with their emotions...They are still hung up...I'm sure it comes from what you were taught when you were growing up...I found Ihad to un-learn what I had learned and Relearn..Learn to embrace all of myself so I could be the whole person...Like other men I had to learn that it was ok for me to cry.It was ok for me to be gentle kind and considerate of my fellow human being...Did a lot of soul searching to get to where I'm more Happy today even though the heartache and scars are from the past where they belong...In conclusion...Any Ladie's out there reading this I just want you to know that...Love is not Pain...Love is not Hurt...Don't let these things sour you on All men.....

[HDL]

As I sit in my absolutely beautiful home, guess who designed and built it? And as I peer out my bay window and look at all the wonderfully gorgeous trees and shrubs and flowers, guess who did the landscaping? As I turn on the lights and flush the toilet and watch TV and listen to the radio, etc. guess again who most of this is courtesy of??? And when I fly on a plane, stay in a hotel, drive down the road, or eat in a restaurant, I can once again thank all the men who put their blood, sweat and tears into these projects.

A BIG THANKS to all the MEN who have made my life so much easier !!! And a SPECIAL THANKS to all the MEN who know that marriage is not easy, but are willing to work at it and honor that commitment and to put their wife and children first !!!

HUGS for EVERYONE

Originally Posted by alexander59

Why don't most of them pay the full amount of child support?
Why are more men in jail than woman by a 10 to one margin?
Why are more men pedophiles by a very large margin?
They generally are more selfish because they don't see what kind of benefit it would be to them to be otherwise.

[millie61]

A relationship should be 50/50 so if you are in a relationship start as you mean to carry on. We can all be selfish not just men

[theqbaby]

I am going to have to disagree with the O/P here as well.
A relationship/marriage should be 100%/100%.
I cannot say that my husband is selfish at all.
I believe every being can be selfish, it does not land on mans shoulders alone!

[vpcats]

Originally Posted by theqbaby

I am going to have to disagree with the O/P here as well.
A relationship/marriage should be 100%/100%.
I cannot say that my husband is selfish at all.
I believe every being can be selfish, it does not land on mans shoulders alone!

That's 200%!!

Now, THAT'S hard!

I give up

[theqbaby]

Originally Posted by theqbaby

I am going to have to disagree with the O/P here as well.
A relationship/marriage should be 100%/100%.
I cannot say that my husband is selfish at all.
I believe every being can be selfish, it does not land on mans shoulders alone!

Explanation : You are expected to give 100% at work or in your career. Why shouldn't both parties in a relationship devote 100% just like they do their job?
IMO a marriage/relationship is just as important and as much hard work as a career, or raising kids.


({{maybe I should go back to my corner }}

[Synopsis]

Originally Posted by theqbaby

Explanation : You are expected to give 100% at work or in your career. Why shouldn't both parties in a relationship devote 100% just like they do their job?
IMO a marriage/relationship is just as important and as much hard work as a career, or raising kids.


({{maybe I should go back to my corner }}

I agree - both should be equal; no reason to go into any corner for making a logical statement like that. I think where some are disagreeing with the OP is that men certainly don't have a corner on selfishness. I see a good mix of selfish men and selfish women daily. I see people like VPcats that are taken advantage of/abused and I see men that are abused as well.

True, men's abuse of relationships is different than women, usually the type that VPcats is victim of, but I see men that are beaten down and feel they are nothing but a support system so the wife can have her monetary wants and needs fulfilled while the husband is expected to work at bringing home that bacon and just shut up.

My point is that it goes both ways, and to suggest that most, or even a larger percentage of men are ba*tards than women is just plain sexist; and yes, sexism can go both ways. If you think the majority of men are pigs and the majority of women are holier than thou I think you are just looking at things with a huge bias.

[vpcats]

Originally Posted by Synopsis

I agree - both should be equal; no reason to go into any corner for making a logical statement like that. I think where some are disagreeing with the OP is that men certainly don't have a corner on selfishness. I see a good mix of selfish men and selfish women daily. I see people like VPcats that are taken advantage of/abused and I see men that are abused as well.

True, men's abuse of relationships is different than women, usually the type that VPcats is victim of, but I see men that are beaten down and feel they are nothing but a support system so the wife can have her monetary wants and needs fulfilled while the husband is expected to work at bringing home that bacon and just shut up.

My point is that it goes both ways, and to suggest that most, or even a larger percentage of men are ba*tards than women is just plain sexist; and yes, sexism can go both ways. If you think the majority of men are pigs and the majority of women are holier than thou I think you are just looking at things with a huge bias.

Oh dear.. What did I get myself into.

OK... MY relationship didn't work out because of several factors. First of all I think the biggest difference was in upbringing and cultural backgrounds. We're both from the same country mind you - Cuba. But I was raised in the States and he was not. I'm a city person and college educated. He's not. He's always putting every body down and I tend to be more accepting and less opinionated. (hard to believe but true).

I don't want this next part to sound "wrong" but I do think I am smarter. He's good with tools. I'm good with the gray matter. You need to be able to communicate and you can't when the other person doesn't want to even make the effort to sit and talk.

There was a 12 year difference between us - I'm older. HE acts likes a 70 y.o. He would shut down at noon on Sundays, unless somebody else needed him for something. If I wanted to go out for a change of pace, NO. It was Sunday. Time to get ready for Monday. So why did I kill myself trying to get everything done on Saturday? So I could find more stuff that had to be done on Sunday, by myself? It got to the point where we didn't do ANYTHING together.

Didn't need him financially either. But sometimes -no- many times, I felt like he was married to MY HOUSE and not me.... so, yeah, you sort of feel "used" sometimes.

I don't need a relationship like that. I've been sleeping a whole lot better lately.