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early on shes done nothing to deserve your emotional interests. as time goes on emotional interest should develop, but that takes awhile. too many guys get attached early on and start getting strong emotions way too early just because someone with a vag talked to them.
for me i have no attachment for awhile. girls are always trying to decide if a guy is worthwhile at the start. im judging the girl in the same way. ill show her a spontaneous romantic night out, but never before shes shown me shes worthwhile. if shes not worthwhile ill cut her faster then a barber cuts hair (zomg jersey shore reference!).
it isn't the problem "with men." It was never my problem, for example. You have simply identified your problem, and perhaps just one of them. But, Kudos to that.
It's not my problem anymore.
And I came to this conclusion not from just one earlier posting, it's just a common theme that I tend to see from a lot of guys who need "help" and ask advice on these forums. I wish someone had given me the heads up years ago and saved me some trouble.
Not caring is part of not putting them on a pedestal and being internally validated. Some people never get to that point and end up in a continual cycle of validation seeking, which ultimately reeks of neediness.
Furthermore, I think it's pretty clear men are more romantic than women. Most things men do to be romantic is actually way too much and over the top for most women to actually handle. In fact plenty of women get put off by how overly romantic guys can be. Every women I've ever know at one point or another actually complained about their guy being too romantic. Then there are these articles:
Long story short, most men don't have a lot of abundance and end up focusing their energy on one woman and it burns them out. Guys need to learn to play things more casually. For the guys that still get too wrapped around the axle when only dealing with a single woman, do what I do and spin multiple plates. It forces me to not overly invest in any one of them in particular as my time, attention, and energies are split up between them all. Plus being in demand means they know they're easily replaceable and they can't get away with playing games with me.
Not caring is part of not putting them on a pedestal and being internally validated. Some people never get to that point and end up in a continual cycle of validation seeking, which ultimately reeks of neediness.
Furthermore, men are more romantic than women. Most things men do to be romantic is actually way too much and over the top for most women to actually handle. In fact plenty of women get put off by how overly romantic guys can be. Every women I've ever know at one point or another actually complained about their guy being too romantic.
I can think of a time about 5 years ago, I was 22 years old, and somewhat dating (been out like 5 times together, hooked up a couple times) a girl I waitered with at a restaurant who was 25. She came into work one day and I could tell she had been crying and was upset about something, she had major problems with her dad (daddy issues! shoulda seen this coming, but didn't).
Anyway, my dumb a$$ got the bright idea of getting her a small group of inexpensive flowers and a cheer-up card. I said in the card something along the lines of "I'm sorry that you're having a tough time, just want to let you know I'm here for ya as a friend, blah blah blah". Nothing along the lines of 'I love you' or anything romantic really, just to try and cheer her up.
Boy did I learn THAT was a huge mistake. She ignored me for 3 weeks after that. Never even thanked me for the flowers.
I can think of a time about 5 years ago, I was 22 years old, and somewhat dating (been out like 5 times together, hooked up a couple times) a girl I waitered with at a restaurant who was 25. She came into work one day and I could tell she had been crying and was upset about something, she had major problems with her dad (daddy issues! shoulda seen this coming, but didn't).
Anyway, my dumb a$$ got the bright idea of getting her a small group of inexpensive flowers and a cheer-up card. I said in the card something along the lines of "I'm sorry that you're having a tough time, just want to let you know I'm here for ya as a friend, blah blah blah". Nothing along the lines of 'I love you' or anything romantic really, just to try and cheer her up.
Boy did I learn THAT was a huge mistake. She ignored me for 3 weeks after that. Never even thanked me for the flowers.
Yeah, because that sort of thing is totally creepy haha.
Yeah, because that sort of thing is totally creepy haha.
I know, I don't know why I did something like that, in my eyes I was just trying to do something nice for a girl I cared about, but what I didn't know was you just don't do those sort of things. It's weirdo behavior and it drives women away. It was rough at the time, but I'm glad I've learned these lessons, even if they were learned the hard way.
I can think of a time about 5 years ago, I was 22 years old, and somewhat dating (been out like 5 times together, hooked up a couple times) a girl I waitered with at a restaurant who was 25. She came into work one day and I could tell she had been crying and was upset about something, she had major problems with her dad (daddy issues! shoulda seen this coming, but didn't).
Anyway, my dumb a$$ got the bright idea of getting her a small group of inexpensive flowers and a cheer-up card. I said in the card something along the lines of "I'm sorry that you're having a tough time, just want to let you know I'm here for ya as a friend, blah blah blah". Nothing along the lines of 'I love you' or anything romantic really, just to try and cheer her up.
Boy did I learn THAT was a huge mistake. She ignored me for 3 weeks after that. Never even thanked me for the flowers.
I don't think that was a "mistake" on your part but I think SHE was incredibly rude. I would've thought it was a sweet thing to do.
Your response makes me feel bad for you. When men ARE interested, they do care too much and it's more than apparant to the woman.
However, unfortunately there are instances where men DON'T have high interest but lead a woman on to various lengths, including as far as LTR's or marriage. I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and say you've been in some bad experiences from men just like this. Probably treated you poorly because they simply didn't care that much about you, but weren't honest enough or man enough to come clean about it.
I dunno about this. I always cared about those I dated. But before I ever asked them out I got to know them. If they were "carable" I might ultimately ask them out or I might just be their friend. If they weren't "careable" then I wouldn't waste my time or their's. As a result I was anything but a serial dater. However, I rarely ever had regrets either.
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Yeah right.
