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Old 02-09-2010, 10:01 PM
 
Location: South Florida
109 posts, read 202,073 times
Reputation: 76

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I think I could use some tips on flirting. I have a tendency to look pretty serious, which is okay in certain situations, but I'm guessing can be scary for a guy, lol. In the right place, at the right time, I want to let a guy know that I'm interested. OR, respond to his approach in a way that keeps the conversation going, not has him keep walking because I didn't *seem* receptive.

I actually had that happen to me when I just got to my current job. This guy that worked in the building (not in my department) walked/rolled right up to my desk with a pleasant smile on his face and said, 'How are you?". He caught me off guard so I didn't smile and I *think* I said 'Im fine, thanks...', with that look that says, '...um, and what do you want?'. I can just imagine what my face looked like, lol. In retrospect I realized that he was trying to strike up a random conversation because he was interested...duh!!

He pretty much just walked off without saying much more, and things got weird. I know I made him feel weird, and we spoke afterwards while he worked there but he put up a wall. Anyway...this is typical of me; not responding the way I want to and kicking myself afterwards.

For the men, when women flirt with you, what works? Is it what they say, or just what they do, how they look at you?

For the women, what kind of flirting works for you? Meaning, you get his attention and he KNOWS that you want to get to know him better.

Thanks!

Last edited by Kishka; 02-09-2010 at 10:58 PM..
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Old 02-09-2010, 10:06 PM
 
5,879 posts, read 9,220,178 times
Reputation: 2753
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kishka View Post
I think I could use some tips on flirting. I have a tendency to look pretty serious, which is okay in certain of situations, but I'm guessing can be scary for a guy, lol. In the right place, at the right time, I want to let a guy know that I'm interested. OR, respond to his approach in a way that keeps the conversation going, not has him keep walking because I didn't *seem* receptive.

I actually had that happen to me when I just got to my current job. This guy that worked in the building (not in my department) walked/rolled right up to my desk with a pleasant smile on his face and said, 'How are you?". He caught me off guard so I didn't smile and I *think* I said 'Im fine, thanks...', with that look that says, '...um, and what do you want?'. I can just imagine what my face looked like, lol. In retrospect I realized that he was trying to strike up a random conversation because he was interested...duh!!

He pretty much just walked off without saying much more, and things got weird. I know I made him feel weird, and we spoke afterwards while he worked there but he put up a wall. Anyway...this is typical of me; not responding the way I want to and kicking myself afterwards.

For the men, when women flirt with you, what works? Is it what they say, or just what they do, how they look at you?

For the women, what kind of flirting works for you? Meaning, you get his attention and he KNOWS that you want to get to know him better.

Thanks!
My GF approached me first. She struck up a conversation and showed some interest in me. She also started talking to me about my hobbies and interests right away. Guess what? It worked!
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Old 02-09-2010, 10:14 PM
 
Location: Southern California
15,083 posts, read 20,391,397 times
Reputation: 10343
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2RUGGED4YOU View Post
My GF approached me first. She struck up a conversation and showed some interest in me. She also started talking to me about my hobbies and interests right away. Guess what? It worked!
Very important!! That will never fail. Another thing: if he asks how you are doing don't forget to ask how he is doing.
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Old 02-09-2010, 10:22 PM
 
Location: Texas
8,064 posts, read 17,941,130 times
Reputation: 3729
Pay him a sincere compliment. It can be anything, from something positive he does at work to his appearance to something about his personality. A compliment makes anyone feel good and it will be remembered.

And, as the others said, talk to him about one of his hobbies or something y'all have in common.
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Old 02-09-2010, 10:26 PM
 
Location: Lancaster
13 posts, read 31,140 times
Reputation: 13
Body language is a huge one for me. I smile a lot, talk a lot, and ask a lot of questions. If I know the guy is interested, I'll just tell him I'm interested, too.
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Old 02-09-2010, 10:31 PM
 
Location: syracuse ny
2,412 posts, read 5,070,011 times
Reputation: 2048
Wow...

I'm going to try to not sound like joy germ joan here but...

You must have a very defensive way about yourself. Guys are quite a bit harder to scare off. Most young women flirt on a dime, and the problem is figuring out true interest, over just plain ol flirt. In your case you must be putting up the wall first to get this reaction. I am a hospitality director, it's my job to be nice to people so I know. I hold an open stance, act interested in their needs, even when I'm not, show some teeth with my smile and get a 99 percent positive responce, even from people who walked in with a scowl on their face, if even just for an instant, they at least smile back. But there is that 1 percent, and they scare me! Humans actually have a hard time not responding in kind! If you maintain a frown while being smiled at, you're in a very low percentage and have a MAJOR PROBLEM. I wasn't always this good, I practice those good natured looks, sometimes I'm mad or upset, I'm human, but my job is to be warm and friendly. So I just fight through and pretend to be happy anyway, and guess what? I never feel terrible after an hour of even starting out FAKING being happy. You can't! You release certain chemicals that make you ...happier. My suggestion to you is to fight through whatever insecurity you're wearing on your face and try to just smile! Imeadiatly, when people appear in front of you...smile, even if your tooth aches! And with practice you'll note very quickly people start reacting better towards you!
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Old 02-09-2010, 10:33 PM
 
Location: southern california
61,290 posts, read 87,066,921 times
Reputation: 55549
matter of percepton. what is flirting to some is aggression to others. if i am not interested, nothing works. the tendency these days is too overly aggressive female behavior. the 97%/3% rule dominates, 97% of the women spend 100% of their time chasing 3% of the men, indeed an aggressive environment. assertiveness training has had a price. strange how we "domesticated" guys for the last 40 years but encouraged "assertiveness aka aggression in women it has changed much.

Last edited by Huckleberry3911948; 02-09-2010 at 10:48 PM..
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Old 02-09-2010, 10:42 PM
 
Location: MTL/Toronto, Canada
85 posts, read 226,385 times
Reputation: 62
Just smile and touch your hair playfully. If you feel confortable enough, touch his forearm or do something in the lines of it.
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Old 02-09-2010, 10:49 PM
 
Location: lala land
1,581 posts, read 3,288,367 times
Reputation: 1085
I can be a big flirt - there I said it. Flirting to me is fun. I think its mostly just sexual energy, not really anything that is said specifically. If you feel sexy, and you're confident, men will pick up on that. So first feel sexy. Wear some sexy lingerie under your clothes, wear your best perfume, stand tall. And then just smile and ask questions. Joke, have a good time, be playful.

But don't overdo it. You don't want to go around trying to seduce everyone
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Old 02-09-2010, 11:16 PM
 
Location: The Mango Tree
2,115 posts, read 5,016,605 times
Reputation: 2655
Oh, the ice queen. I feel you! When I'm not thinking, I easily slip into "ice queen" mode and pretty much send the guys running for the hills carrying their balls in their hands. I have to remind myself to be openly warm sometimes.

Some tips:

Remember to be friendly! Yes, flirting does have sexual undertones, but you have to be friendly first.

Don't be too hardcore. By this, I mean keep a light, fun air about everything. Don't take anything too seriously or come off as abrasive. Tease him a little bit and engage in some verbal repartee, but make sure to have a pleasant, open demeanor no matter what you're saying. I've made the mistake of insulting a guy when I simply wanted to be witty - FAIL lol.

Tailor your flirting for every guy. Some guy's want you to be more brazen and others want to do the leading. Watch facial cues and body language. Watch the way he responds.

Laughter is always a great thing, but make sure your jokes and funny comments are not contrived.

Don't talk about the past or future and don't ask him a bunch of questions like he's on a job interview. Focus on the present - the moment. Center the flirting and conversation around that.

Stroke his ego a little bit, but not too much. All guys love having their ego stroked. Don't flatter him about something obvious though. Try to make it personal.

It is all in the eyes.

And, don't make it so obvious that you're flirting with him. A little enigma never hurt anyone.
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