Would most girls be turned off by bad body? (honest, attract, insecure)

[STT Resident]

Originally Posted by moonshadow

I wouldn't say total negativity but I get the sense that this is a HUGE thing for the OP and not an easy thing to change. I think a lot of the suggestions have been great but I totally understand that they may seem WAY OFF in the distance or even impossible to achieve, which is why I suggested starting small AND internally to begin with.

I think another point to be made is that he can start talking to people of ANY age. He said in one of his posts that the people at the gym are older than him and said it as another negative. People of all ages have something to offer and I think he'd find it much easier to strike up a simple conversation with someone older as there wouldn't be the pressure involved in looking at the person as a prospective date. Just a thought! Practice makes perfect, as he found when he started to lose all that weight.

[moonshadow]

Originally Posted by STT Resident

I think another point to be made is that he can start talking to people of ANY age. He said in one of his posts that the people at the gym are older than him and said it as another negative. People of all ages have something to offer and I think he'd find it much easier to strike up a simple conversation with someone older as there wouldn't be the pressure involved in looking at the person as a prospective date. Just a thought! Practice makes perfect, as he found when he started to lose all that weight.

I totally agree! But that was lesson 2!

Figured he should take stock before he starts approaching people because if he's doing a number on himself mentally it's not going to matter WHO he talks to he'll beat himself up over something he says or does and how he should have done it better or differently and then with all the nasty self talk. The other thing is from reading his story and what he's said in general I'm not sure that if a conversation even with an older person, that didn't go well (and you know he could just get someone on a bad day OR someone with an equally low self esteem or a poor communicator) and it would probably do him more harm than good. I think he currently lacks the ability to discern WHY things don't go well and he's just as likely to blame himself. AND we don't want that.

[typhoidmary]

Originally Posted by STT Resident

I think another point to be made is that he can start talking to people of ANY age. He said in one of his posts that the people at the gym are older than him and said it as another negative. People of all ages have something to offer and I think he'd find it much easier to strike up a simple conversation with someone older as there wouldn't be the pressure involved in looking at the person as a prospective date. Just a thought! Practice makes perfect, as he found when he started to lose all that weight.

And there is another benefit. Those older people might have daughters/grandkids/nieces that they would love to introduce to that "nice young man" they met at the gym. It sounds improbable, but my friend married a woman that her dad introduced him to. He and her dad met at the gym and my friend spotted for him. I have not learned much in life, but the one thing I have learned if that you meet friends and/or lovers through some of the most unlikely channels

[picklejuice]

Although the question seems to be a simple one, the answer is actually very complex.

The cliche answer would be, "LOVE, conquers all!"

[AH24]

I'd be scared ****less to do toastmasters.

Part time job isn't an option, and those classes around here have really no one my age in them.

I don't know if I'd be able to hit on some girl, can't even visualize. First off I'm so down on my looks that I don't even know what is in my league, then I'd think I'd probably come off as some huge creep and get rejected and it would probably crush me.

I do want to change the negativity but I really don't know how to go about next step, I got a psychologist when I got sick of it but don't know how to get some social experience now. I don't think I will change it until I getthat experience.

I'm not trying to reject your
suggestions it just not easy for me as it is to others. Stuff like going to bar and meeting new people is easy for
most my age but would probably give me a panic attack. I spent most of my life being picked on by
others, only reason people let me hang around them in school
was to make fun of me, I was the joke.

I d talk to 'older people at my gym and it is easier
for me than talking to people my age, but there still is social awkwardness and we don't have much in common beyond the gym so don't know if it
will lead anywhere. I don't
thnk I will create a network of people my age from these people

[TheImportersWife]

Originally Posted by AH24

I'd be scared ****less to do toastmasters.

Part time job isn't an option, and those classes around here have really no one my age in them.

I don't know if I'd be able to hit on some girl, can't even visualize. First off I'm so down on my looks that I don't even know what is in my league, then I'd think I'd probably come off as some huge creep and get rejected and it would probably crush me.

I do want to change the negativity but I really don't know how to go about next step, I got a psychologist when I got sick of it but don't know how to get some social experience now. I don't think I will change it until I getthat experience.

I'm not trying to reject your
suggestions it just not easy for me as it is to others. Stuff like going to bar and meeting new people is easy for
most my age but would probably give me a panic attack. I spent most of my life being picked on by
others, only reason people let me hang around them in school
was to make fun of me, I was the joke.

I d talk to 'older people at my gym and it is easier
for me than talking to people my age, but there still is social awkwardness and we don't have much in common beyond the gym so don't know if it
will lead anywhere. I don't
thnk I will create a network of people my age from these people

If you are always going to find an excuse, you'll never get beyond your anxiety. (It's clearly not just with women.) None of my business, but have you ever been prescribed meds for your anxiety? Has it been discussed with you at all?

And can I ask why you can't get a part-time job? You're not able to work weekends anywhere? I'm guessing since you can't do PT work, you're not available to do volunteer work anywhere?

[typhoidmary]

Originally Posted by AH24

I'd be scared ****less to do toastmasters.

Part time job isn't an option, and those classes around here have really no one my age in them.

I don't know if I'd be able to hit on some girl, can't even visualize. First off I'm so down on my looks that I don't even know what is in my league, then I'd think I'd probably come off as some huge creep and get rejected and it would probably crush me.

I do want to change the negativity but I really don't know how to go about next step, I got a psychologist when I got sick of it but don't know how to get some social experience now. I don't think I will change it until I getthat experience.

I'm not trying to reject your
suggestions it just not easy for me as it is to others. Stuff like going to bar and meeting new people is easy for
most my age but would probably give me a panic attack. I spent most of my life being picked on by
others, only reason people let me hang around them in school
was to make fun of me, I was the joke.

I d talk to 'older people at my gym and it is easier
for me than talking to people my age, but there still is social awkwardness and we don't have much in common beyond the gym so don't know if it
will lead anywhere. I don't
thnk I will create a network of people my age from these people

Do you happen to like animals? If so, go to a local shelter or rescue group and volunteer to do adoption events. There is nothing quite like puppies and kittens to break the ice and you don't have to approach anyone because they will come to you. At first, of course, their focus will be on the animals, but you can step into the picture with comments about the animals. You will get people telling you about their pets, which opens the door to asking things about them. Also, if you get shy or tongue tied you have the option of giving yourself a minute to think while giving the animals a treat or untangling them from something. This may not lead you to a date, but will put you in a position to talk to women of all ages and let you get some practice until it comes natural.

[katie73]

AH24, I think you're projecting your insecurities on your body image. I would advise you to find out if there are any counseling groups or some kind of training to overcome your fears. Make sure it is in a group though, as you will meet with people with the same problem and there will be an interactive training. There are A LOT of people who feel the same as you!

[moonshadow]

Originally Posted by AH24

I'd be scared ****less to do toastmasters.

Part time job isn't an option, and those classes around here have really no one my age in them.

I don't know if I'd be able to hit on some girl, can't even visualize. First off I'm so down on my looks that I don't even know what is in my league, then I'd think I'd probably come off as some huge creep and get rejected and it would probably crush me.

I do want to change the negativity but I really don't know how to go about next step, I got a psychologist when I got sick of it but don't know how to get some social experience now. I don't think I will change it until I getthat experience.

I'm not trying to reject your
suggestions it just not easy for me as it is to others. Stuff like going to bar and meeting new people is easy for
most my age but would probably give me a panic attack. I spent most of my life being picked on by
others, only reason people let me hang around them in school
was to make fun of me, I was the joke.

I d talk to 'older people at my gym and it is easier
for me than talking to people my age, but there still is social awkwardness and we don't have much in common beyond the gym so don't know if it
will lead anywhere. I don't
thnk I will create a network of people my age from these people

I've really only got a couple of questions because nobody can make you take the first step, only you can do that but what does your psychologist say about all this? Have you mentioned this to them? AND also when was the last time you felt happy or joyful or had fun? AND what was it that made you feel that way?

To me that's where you start AH24, although I will say that typhoidmary's suggestion about the animal shelter is an excellent one!

[thepinksquid]

I, too, just wanted to say that a guy's body has very little to do with my attraction to him. I'm more more interesting in personality, intelligence, etc...and even speaking of physical things I notice smile, facial features and things like that over body. I never look at a guy's body, really.

So...don't lose hope. Just try to be a bit more confident in yourself.

If you see a girl you find attractive, just strike up some sort of conversation! I'm married, but I get 'hit on' from time to time, and it's a nice feeling regardless of my commitment. I'm always beyond flattered when a guy shows me attention (well assuming he's not a creep), regardless of if I find him attractive.