If You've Been a Victim of Abuse(child abuse, spousal abuse, ect): How Did You Get Over It(or at least move on from it)? (movies, girl)

[thatsong64]

You either have a really good counselor or a person you love and trust to talk to about it. Over-talking about it can make it worse but never talking about it will f*ck you up permanantly. Make sure you know how to make yourself less likely to be a victim again.

[cokatie]

Quite frankly, you don't get over it. Without a doubt, you find your own coping mechanisms that allow you to move on with your life, but, I find, there is always a trigger lurking out there when you least expect it. It could be when you are in a social situation or when you are sitting alone with your thoughts. Unbidden, something will flash back to you. That doesn't mean you need to be a victim to it - but I don't think there is anyway that you can possibly erase those memories or think you can keep a lid on them. The mind just doesn't work that way.

[StilltheSame]

Lilred - try a therapist that does EMDR - do a bit of research on it - I was very very skeptical. It works.

[iPwn]

My stepdad used to beat me sometimes. I've forgiven him for it. I think it was just how he was raised, military and all that

[Mikala43]

Meh. I was sexually and physically abused as a child. Mildly, if there is any such thing. /shrug

But it did affect me through a good portion of adulthood.

I got over it (so to speak) one day when I realized it was affecting my happiness and relationships with men. I was allowing the power of previous acts to take away things in my present. It pissed me off a little that some a-hole was affecting me still and I decided to take back what was rightfully mine. I might not have a say when I was a child, but I sure as heck had a say as an adult.

I took back the power that was rightfully mine.

[stevenvillatoro]

1. Read the book "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward.
2. Do a lot of journaling, body therapy, etc., to help recover your lost voice/identity/esteem.
3. Be patient with your recovery whenever you falter.
4. Learn to "be with it" rather than get over it, i.e., choose your life exactly the way it is/was, rather than lament for how it should/could have been.
5. Resolve not to be a victim forever – living within the "story" of what happened can keep you stuck.
6. You don't need to forgive.
7. Learn that happiness is not circumstantial.
8. Be productive, and recognize your worth.
9. Become the CHOOSER of your life.

I will no longer tell my personal abuse story, because it no longer has power over me. You can be intact again, trust me.

[lovebug11768]

In my case, I don't think I ever "got over it" so to speak. I still carry it around with me. I deal with it by focusing on other areas of my life like my career, my hobbies, my house, my pets, my garden, etc. However, my relationships with men are not good because of the abuse as I tend to avoid intimacy and have little trust in men. I know that this is not any way to live but I have been like this for so long that avoidance is ingrained in me. It is just a part of me now and I have to accept that. Therapy didn't really work for me either. It took the anxiety attacks away but couldn't make me trust men or get past my own wall that I hide behind.

[donie1]

Originally Posted by Mikala43

Meh. I was sexually and physically abused as a child. Mildly, if there is any such thing. /shrug

But it did affect me through a good portion of adulthood.

I got over it (so to speak) one day when I realized it was affecting my happiness and relationships with men. I was allowing the power of previous acts to take away things in my present. It pissed me off a little that some a-hole was affecting me still and I decided to take back what was rightfully mine. I might not have a say when I was a child, but I sure as heck had a say as an adult.

I took back the power that was rightfully mine.

Same here. It took me quite awhile to decide that it's my life and I'm going to get through the mess and have a good life.

I do have a good life now but I will never forget what other people have done to me.

[Chowhound]

NOt sure if I was a victim... I've had a few encounters that were questionable....... I deal with it.....

[Godly Gal]

If you are an abuse survivor, whether the abuse was verbal/mental/emotional, physical, or sexual, how did you overcome your past and move on to live a "normal" life? I am having an extremely difficult time letting go of my childhood abuse. In my twenties(in my early 30s now), I sought relief by staying busy all the time, but I also engaged in a lot of negative, self-destructive behavior like drinking, ect. Now, I stopped drinking yrs ago, and a life threatening injury has kept me from working and playing(iow, staying busy 24/7) and although I'm recovering just fine from my car accident, lately I just can't seem to stop dwelling on the abuse and it's seriously hindering my ability to live a normal life as I am often depressed, and filled with rage. Thearapy hasn't helped all that much although I haven't gone back in a couple of yrs. So,if you are a victim of any type of abuse, please tell me how you managed to put the past behind you and go on to lead a productive life. Thank you in advance for any/all advice or replies.