If You've Been a Victim of Abuse(child abuse, spousal abuse, ect): How Did You Get Over It(or at least move on from it)? (guy, family)

[Godly Gal]

Jesus Jesus Jesus

[CarolVa1977]

Originally Posted by lilred0005

If you are an abuse survivor, whether the abuse was verbal/mental/emotional, physical, or sexual, how did you overcome your past and move on to live a "normal" life? I am having an extremely difficult time letting go of my childhood abuse. In my twenties(in my early 30s now), I sought relief by staying busy all the time, but I also engaged in a lot of negative, self-destructive behavior like drinking, ect. Now, I stopped drinking yrs ago, and a life threatening injury has kept me from working and playing(iow, staying busy 24/7) and although I'm recovering just fine from my car accident, lately I just can't seem to stop dwelling on the abuse and it's seriously hindering my ability to live a normal life as I am often depressed, and filled with rage. Thearapy hasn't helped all that much although I haven't gone back in a couple of yrs. So,if you are a victim of any type of abuse, please tell me how you managed to put the past behind you and go on to lead a productive life. Thank you in advance for any/all advice or replies.

My ex husband was verbally abusive. A couple of times in the relationship we entered into physical fights. I went back home (to my country) and while there I realized I hated him (kind of) and wanted a divorce.

Two years and a trip to hell later, I can tell you the only thing that kept me sane was my relationship with God and my sisters support. I had to relearn to love myself. I am not longer depressed and have a better outlook into life. That said, I did a lot of soulsearching and purposelly avoided relationships to this day. I need to be whole before I can be a better half again.

Best wishes in your recovery.

[tuteishungry]

Originally Posted by lilred0005

If you are an abuse survivor, whether the abuse was verbal/mental/emotional, physical, or sexual, how did you overcome your past and move on to live a "normal" life? I am having an extremely difficult time letting go of my childhood abuse. In my twenties(in my early 30s now), I sought relief by staying busy all the time, but I also engaged in a lot of negative, self-destructive behavior like drinking, ect. Now, I stopped drinking yrs ago, and a life threatening injury has kept me from working and playing(iow, staying busy 24/7) and although I'm recovering just fine from my car accident, lately I just can't seem to stop dwelling on the abuse and it's seriously hindering my ability to live a normal life as I am often depressed, and filled with rage. Thearapy hasn't helped all that much although I haven't gone back in a couple of yrs. So,if you are a victim of any type of abuse, please tell me how you managed to put the past behind you and go on to lead a productive life. Thank you in advance for any/all advice or replies.

I was abused as a kid and was in a four-year relationship that was both verbally and physically abusive. It took a while but I'm living quite well and 'normal'. Its amazing what your mind can do. I'm not much of a cop out or a weak girl nor do I place the blame on my baggage. I just move on and accept the past and better myself from there.

[jeepgirl27]

Originally Posted by lilred0005

If you are an abuse survivor, whether the abuse was verbal/mental/emotional, physical, or sexual, how did you overcome your past and move on to live a "normal" life? I am having an extremely difficult time letting go of my childhood abuse. In my twenties(in my early 30s now), I sought relief by staying busy all the time, but I also engaged in a lot of negative, self-destructive behavior like drinking, ect. Now, I stopped drinking yrs ago, and a life threatening injury has kept me from working and playing(iow, staying busy 24/7) and although I'm recovering just fine from my car accident, lately I just can't seem to stop dwelling on the abuse and it's seriously hindering my ability to live a normal life as I am often depressed, and filled with rage. Thearapy hasn't helped all that much although I haven't gone back in a couple of yrs. So,if you are a victim of any type of abuse, please tell me how you managed to put the past behind you and go on to lead a productive life. Thank you in advance for any/all advice or replies.

I called my friends. and he never bothered me again.and lets just leave it at that...a friend will help you move a true friend will help you move a body

[duvallwest]

I visited with a counselor for a while (which is hard since that is my field)....its funny that when you are a counselor youself you can look at someone else and see everything clearly...but not yourself.

If the past abuse is crippling your life you have no other choice but to go to a counselor (if you want to have a more normal life). I was abused by a Stepfather (whom rasied me as my dad) for years and an ex. I still have problems such as when my husband and I argue and he raises his voice, I lock myself in the bathroom. Dont think that is going away..but the rest has mellowed. I still think of what happened to me on a regular basis and i doubt that will ever go away..I hurt when I watch movies or see someone in an abusive relationship. But sometimes things trigger the memories. But after you speak with a counselor for a while you will see a huge difference.

What you have to do is let go..and forgive and forget. If you dont forgive (which does not mean ever speaking to the abuser again) you will never start the healing process. To forgive says I will not allow you to hold me hostage in my anger anymore. And dont feel you are abnormal if you have flashbacks or triggers...just move on with your life and keep going.

If you didnt like your counselor shop around and find one you can talk to..and you will feel so relieved!

[donie1]

Originally Posted by duvallwest

I visited with a counselor for a while (which is hard since that is my field)....its funny that when you are a counselor youself you can look at someone else and see everything clearly...but not yourself.

If the past abuse is crippling your life you have no other choice but to go to a counselor (if you want to have a more normal life). I was abused by a Stepfather (whom rasied me as my dad) for years and an ex. I still have problems such as when my husband and I argue and he raises his voice, I lock myself in the bathroom. Dont think that is going away..but the rest has mellowed. I still think of what happened to me on a regular basis and i doubt that will ever go away..I hurt when I watch movies or see someone in an abusive relationship. But sometimes things trigger the memories. But after you speak with a counselor for a while you will see a huge difference.

What you have to do is let go..and forgive and forget. If you dont forgive (which does not mean ever speaking to the abuser again) you will never start the healing process. To forgive says I will not allow you to hold me hostage in my anger anymore. And dont feel you are abnormal if you have flashbacks or triggers...just move on with your life and keep going.

If you didnt like your counselor shop around and find one you can talk to..and you will feel so relieved!

I worked in mental health and methadone clinics and I've noticed that it's the ones that have been abused in some way that are working in these environments. I think, to understand our situations, we either work in these environments or go to school and receive degrees to help others understand and deal with the pain.

[StilltheSame]

Try EMDR as part of any therapy treatment. It sounds odd, but it works

[jasper12]

Therapy often does not help. I went, but could not bring myself to even want to discuss it, even though that is what I went to therapy for...the one thing I have found, is that you seek other abusive relationships, strangely enough, although you hated the abuse, as an adult I was drawn to abusive, controlling men, because that is what was "comfortable" to me. I don't like someone who is wonderful to me, maybe because I lack self esteem. Anyway, I don't think you ever "get over it"...I never did...you just move forward in life. What else can you do? Thank God I am not like my cousin, she is really messed up, she went schitzophrenic in her 20's because of her abuse, she can't hold a job, just smokes all day and watches tv. She can't even move forward...

[crisan]

Originally Posted by lilred0005

If you are an abuse survivor, whether the abuse was verbal/mental/emotional, physical, or sexual, how did you overcome your past and move on to live a "normal" life? I am having an extremely difficult time letting go of my childhood abuse. In my twenties(in my early 30s now), I sought relief by staying busy all the time, but I also engaged in a lot of negative, self-destructive behavior like drinking, ect. Now, I stopped drinking yrs ago, and a life threatening injury has kept me from working and playing(iow, staying busy 24/7) and although I'm recovering just fine from my car accident, lately I just can't seem to stop dwelling on the abuse and it's seriously hindering my ability to live a normal life as I am often depressed, and filled with rage. Thearapy hasn't helped all that much although I haven't gone back in a couple of yrs. So,if you are a victim of any type of abuse, please tell me how you managed to put the past behind you and go on to lead a productive life. Thank you in advance for any/all advice or replies.

I am sorry to hear about your depression. What I can tell you is this, you are doing the best you can with what you have. Always remember this. Take what you have and make the best out of it. Trying to start at the end, with the best, is not always possible. You make the best.

[xiansheng_g]

Originally Posted by lilred0005

If you are an abuse survivor, whether the abuse was verbal/mental/emotional, physical, or sexual, how did you overcome your past and move on to live a "normal" life? I am having an extremely difficult time letting go of my childhood abuse. In my twenties(in my early 30s now), I sought relief by staying busy all the time, but I also engaged in a lot of negative, self-destructive behavior like drinking, ect. Now, I stopped drinking yrs ago, and a life threatening injury has kept me from working and playing(iow, staying busy 24/7) and although I'm recovering just fine from my car accident, lately I just can't seem to stop dwelling on the abuse and it's seriously hindering my ability to live a normal life as I am often depressed, and filled with rage. Thearapy hasn't helped all that much although I haven't gone back in a couple of yrs. So,if you are a victim of any type of abuse, please tell me how you managed to put the past behind you and go on to lead a productive life. Thank you in advance for any/all advice or replies.

You never "get over it." This horrid experience stays with you like a shadow (sometimes you see it, and certain times you don't). The most important thing, at least in my humble experience as a survivor, is to realize that things are not going to be the way you'd like them to be. Forget the "Father's Know's Best" family lifestyle or any of the supposedly "good, wholesome, suggestions you hear on talk shows or radio about the happy - happy, you - can - do - it - too and have a nice life" bs. Your view of yourself, and life in general will be a little warped, and kind of twisted. However, once you've come to that recognition, you can live and coexist within yourself and negate some of the destructive behaviors you had acquired over the years.