If You've Been a Victim of Abuse(child abuse, spousal abuse, ect): How Did You Get Over It(or at least move on from it)? (boyfriend, long-term)

[*VaNiLlaGoRrilLa*]

Originally Posted by lilred0005

how did you overcome your past and move on to live a "normal" life?

Any day now...

[Bennie Flowers]

I'm hoping to become a social worker. The only concern I have with it is to try to constrain myself when I encounter "parents" abusing their children. Words can't describe how much that feels me up with rage.

[VelcroQueen]

Age 63 and still working on it. Somehow, I cannot say that is a bad thing! I am glad I am working on it rather than wallowing in it.

[BioMechanical]

Whatever.

[VelcroQueen]

and.....

[AverageGuy2006]

Originally Posted by SVTLightning

I'm going to go against the grain on this one.

I will hold my abusive childhood up to anyone except those that were sexually abused, I think thats a whole other ballgame.

My dad would put marks on me, my mom had to rub stuff on my back many times because of the abuse. I too lied about the bruises and welps when people asked.

I absolutely hate it when people blame their screwed up lives on abusive childhoods. How many times has that become an excuse when they are in court for whatever reason? So you had a bad childhood, don't be a victim anymore!!! Just because you were abused it doesnt mean you are less of a person, nor should you have anything to be ashamed or depressed about.

For me, my driving force has been to be better than that, to show myself that I can be a better man than my father ever was. he didn't teach me anything on how to be a father, he taught me how not to be though.

Looking back I would not change a thing about my childhood even as bad as it as because it made me who I am today. I have a great career, have travelled to many countries and I think I am a pretty decent guy now.

As "easy" as this posters' path has been, for others the life after abuse is not so "easy".
SVT picked a path that is extremely difficult for many people.
I bolded something very key here. SVTLightning learned from his father on what he didn't want to be.
In a dysfunctional family, this thought process is extremely difficult to pick up. I give credit to SVTLightning here.

I think there are a couple things that are necessary for the OP to move on and help you get to where you want to be emotionally and mentally.
First, you have to understand that what happened to you as a child was not your fault.
Only untill you believe that to your core, will you be able to begin to move past the abuse.
Secondly, if your family overlooks the abuse, and your mom pretends it never happened, she acts like she has the perfect family, then sadly, you most likely need to remove yourself from that relationship. Staying in a fake, false relationship of lies and malipulation will hold you back from truely recovering. If that means you need to move away and/or stop talking to certain family for extended (read: years) periods of time, then so be it. What is most important at this point in your life is to take control of your own life and start living for you, not for your mom, your family, your bf, or anyone else, only for you.
Counseling is a great idea, but not everyone takes to counseling the same way. Plus, most health insurance companies only cover the first 10 visits, then you have to pay out of pocket, at it gets expensive.
Just remember, you are not alone, you are not the only one who has been through abuse. You can and will survive, and over time, you can do better than survive, you can live.
But you must be proactive in taking the steps required to move forward and heal.

[chuck_steak]

EMDR therapy helped me a lot and then I had another catastrophic life even happen and got PTSD all over again. I'm going to re-do the EMDR in the Fall and hope it helps again. If not, I don't know what I'll do. I've had therapy pretty continuously for the past 20 years and am on numerous medications. Still not "cured". We are "broken" people and may never recover.

[birdinmigration]

Originally Posted by Tish Thompson

You're NEVER going to forget it. You just have to make a decision: am I going to let this control my life and continue being a victime or am I going to accept that it happened and live the life I deserve? It will take a lot of hard work, and every single time you feel yourself falling back into old patterns, talk your way out of it. In the beginning, I literally left post it note reminders in random places that I wasn't going to be controlled by my past. Eventually I was able to get rid of the post its.

Yes, I agree with this approach. Self-talk helps me a lot. Often trying to talk to others, even professionals, results in feeling even more alone with the pain of my past than before.

Good job, Tish. You are my kinda person.

[VelcroQueen]

Originally Posted by BioMechanical

Whatever.

Oh -- you changed your post after I answered. Okay. Some of us have to work on the "stuff" occasionally throughout our lives. I keep hoping that "this time" will be the last, but it crops again somewhere down the road.

[TJenkins602]

I'm pretty sure that I'm a survivor of abuse. I have my own way of dealing with it. (Not destructive by the way).