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This is why I advocate being friends first- if you get to know someone before you start dating, then you find these things before you get your heart broken.
You also say you compromise too much- stop compromising your standards in a partner and the next guy you date won't be like that. You will probably have to be single for a while, but there are worse things in the world.
hogwash. I can tell you if someone is selfish, typically on the first date, in most cases within a week, and absolutely within 1 month. It takes only a minimally critical eye, and just a little bit of something called "paying attention."
What you've written indicates to me that you are probably the selfish one. I don't know anyone who complains because "someone else wouldn't compromise". After having a few people balk, most folks get the picture that their demands are unreasonable. It sounds like you are running around strongarming people into whatever fantasy/hell you've created in your mind for the two of you.
That is awfully presumptious of you. I am not the type of person you have described whatsoever. I have no "fantasy" world that I've created. I even told the second guy that I'd like for us to just go slow, and go with the flow and not try to push ourselves into anything too fast. I had no set expectations of how the relationship was suppose to be, but apparently HE did. But nice of you to assume this about me from one post on here. Shows the type of person YOU are.
That is awfully presumptious of you. I am not the type of person you have described whatsoever. I have no "fantasy" world that I've created. I even told the second guy that I'd like for us to just go slow, and go with the flow and not try to push ourselves into anything too fast. I had no set expectations of how the relationship was suppose to be, but apparently HE did. But nice of you to assume this about me from one post on here. Shows the type of person YOU are.
haha, way to turn this back on me, as if I value your opinion.
A compromise is a negotiation. It is a bargaining process that you are clearly failing at. Let's look at the facts:
A) you are failing to achieve a compromise with multiple people
B) your posts consist mainly of demands that others should compromise for you
C) your posts demonstrate nothing about your willingness to compromise for others.
D) when I point out C), you get defensive
You opened yourself up to criticism, you got it. Sorry it doesn't fit your fantasy, you've got plenty of ladies here to help facilitate the manhating process. Let me know if you need any help on a holistic approach to manhating, i.e. good places to find some cats, vibrators, etc.
Girl, do not listen to misguided opinions (rubber_factory)
The truth is, some man do not like it when their girlfriend is self sufficient and strong. They feel threatened when you are doing great in your career/job. Their machismo/ego gets a blow when they realize you are not the simpering little woman they can protect, but rather an equal.
Not all men are this way, but unfortunately they are few and far between.
Girl, do not listen to misguided opinions (rubber_factory)
The truth is, some man do not like it when their girlfriend is self sufficient and strong. They feel threatened when you are doing great in your career/job. Their machismo/ego gets a blow when they realize you are not the simpering little woman they can protect, but rather an equal.
Not all men are this way, but unfortunately they are few and far between.
In this case it's not few and far between as according to the OP it's the only type of guy she's found in the last six years! That tells me there is a problem with the selection process and there has to be some personality trait in her as to why she chooses these men or there is a common link somehow which attracts and gravitates her to these type of men. Because if they are few and far between then it sounds like she found and dated them all.
Why is it that in the last six years I have only managed to find guys that don't want to compromise as much as I do??
The last two relationships I've had ended because the guy was super selfish.
The first one was a manipulative guy who just always wanted things his way. If I tried to get him to compromise he would for a little bit but then revert right back to his old ways. I got rid of him.
The second one the guy is a GOOD guy, he really is, but he's REALLY needy. I don't mind that at all (I can be needy sometimes too) but it didn't seem like he appreciated that I was working REALLY hard to get ahead at work. (I didn't have much free time during december because I was working 6 days a week. I even warned him beforehand that I was going to be really busy). I tried to make as much time for him as possible, but he became really resentful that I couldn't be with him EVERYDAY. He even made me feel a little guilty sometimes too. I tried to talk to him about it and get him to see from my perspective (he was in between semesters at school and was waiting to get an internship started so he had a LOT of free time to just sit around and THINK). He concluded that he didn't THINK me and him are a fit for each other so he said he was breaking up with me because of that. I could tell it was hurting him really bad to end it (and of course it hurt ME really bad)...... to be honest I've always thought this guy was 'the one'. And I'm pretty sure he felt the same since we have talked about marriage in the past.
I'm just so frustrated at this point. I finally got my head on straight after all these years of dickin around. Got myself a good job, working REALLY hard at getting ahead, went back to school..... and instead of having someone who is PROUD to have a girlfriend like that.... he dumps me because I didn't have all the time in the world for him....
Sad part is I KNOW he still loves me, and I love him. I just wish this guy would see what I see.
Why is it that some people seem so selfish in love??? I thought it was suppose to be equal???
Love isn't selfish
When you truly do love some one or when they truly love you; Then you are both willing to compromise.
If they aren't willing to then maybe he doesn't love you the way you thought he did.
I say you tell him exactly how you feel and see if you 2 can work something out
they are two totally different kinds of guys. the first guy is super arrogant, cocky, and presents himself as such. He has a big mouth and gets himself into trouble all the time.
the second guy is pretty shy, didn't even think he had a chance with me, extremely sweet, got along with my family amazingly (the first guy didn't).
Polar opposites.
This is why I was so dumbfounded when it got to the break up point because I thought for sure the sweet one would have been a lot more understanding and appreciative of my drive at work and school
They both sound pretty selfish. You said they are selfish then said they are opposites. I think you are confusing their social styles with their emotional styles. They both lack empathy. Maybe that's what you are attracted to. If you don't respect the "needy" side of you and you don't think you deserve to have your needs met--that would make them very attractive on a subconscious level. The "sweet" one may want a Mommy relationship where he plays the good boy and you reward him by being his emotional everything. He may not want to be responsible for his own emotional needs. He may be just a manipulative as the other but have a more palatable modus operandi.
You really seem to like the second guy and you said he wasn't like that at first. I'm wondering if the sudden neediness is actually situational and not how he really is. You said he's in-between things right now. That means he's bored and frustrated, and because he's bored, he wishes he could spend more time with you. I can understand that.
But once he starts his internship and he's got work to do, do you think he'll still be "needy?" That's the question. Maybe you should talk with him about that if y'all still love each other. The "neediness" might be a temporary thing due to his situation and not one of his typical traits.
The OP described two totally different personalities; one was too needy and the other not needy enough. Both pretty selfish from the way it sounds.
We are not meant to get along with everyone; it will not always be a fit. Things are not "supposed" to be equal. There are some things people won't compromise in certain areas. As much as compromise is necessary, so is an awareness and acceptance that you won't always be able to meet in the middle - and that isn't necessarily a deal breaker. You may be part of a unit, but you are also an individual.
Based on what you've said about the last guy, I'd really let him go. He sounds extremely overbearing and you will eventually feel suffocated. I couldn't be with someone like that.
Why is it that in the last six years I have only managed to find guys that don't want to compromise as much as I do??
The last two relationships I've had ended because the guy was super selfish.
The first one was a manipulative guy who just always wanted things his way. If I tried to get him to compromise he would for a little bit but then revert right back to his old ways. I got rid of him.
The second one the guy is a GOOD guy, he really is, but he's REALLY needy. I don't mind that at all (I can be needy sometimes too) but it didn't seem like he appreciated that I was working REALLY hard to get ahead at work. (I didn't have much free time during december because I was working 6 days a week. I even warned him beforehand that I was going to be really busy). I tried to make as much time for him as possible, but he became really resentful that I couldn't be with him EVERYDAY. He even made me feel a little guilty sometimes too. I tried to talk to him about it and get him to see from my perspective (he was in between semesters at school and was waiting to get an internship started so he had a LOT of free time to just sit around and THINK). He concluded that he didn't THINK me and him are a fit for each other so he said he was breaking up with me because of that. I could tell it was hurting him really bad to end it (and of course it hurt ME really bad)...... to be honest I've always thought this guy was 'the one'. And I'm pretty sure he felt the same since we have talked about marriage in the past.
I'm just so frustrated at this point. I finally got my head on straight after all these years of dickin around. Got myself a good job, working REALLY hard at getting ahead, went back to school..... and instead of having someone who is PROUD to have a girlfriend like that.... he dumps me because I didn't have all the time in the world for him....
Sad part is I KNOW he still loves me, and I love him. I just wish this guy would see what I see.
Why is it that some people seem so selfish in love??? I thought it was suppose to be equal???
Here's your REAL problem - you believe "love" can be selfish
The truth is, real love is not able to be selfish.
THIS is what love is:
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails....And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13
PLEASE, do not get married until you have found true love (you haven't found it with either of these guys yet)
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