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It's not that easy, dave nz. There are kids and money to keep in mind. Both of these may make a quiet affair on the side a better alternative for all involved than a marriage break up.
The sermonizing purists who see only a world of black-and-white will disagree, of course. But in reality life is often conflicted and easy answers can be elusive.
Prof, I'm not here to argue because I've known your stance on this subject for a long time. I'll only say that at least both people in this type of "arrangement" should be married. No single person ought to waste her/his life and get crumbs, particularly women. I suppose no-strings sex may work for quite a few men, but most women are wired differently.
I agree. It's too easy to just dismiss someone as "bad" or "wrong" b/c they are in a no win situation. No one gets married thinking that it won't work out. Many people stay together solely b/c they have kids, and not b/c they have any feelings of love/devotion/companionship/whatever for each other. It is a fate worse than hell to be trapped with someone you don't want to be with, and are staying with b/c of the kids. I'm not advocating straying. I'm just saying I can see why people do it. Most of my friends are in terrible marriages, and completely miserable. They haven't strayed (yet), but I could see why they might.
There are options besides cheating or thinking about it. There's counseling and therapy. If that doesn't work, there's separation. Or divorce. There's no need to hurt the other person and live a lie, just because you made a bad decision of getting married and staying married to the wrong person.
The right person can always turn wrong, so too must we be aware of that and be proactive in our choices. The ideal family is a loving couple with happy kids. But unfortunately, a loveless marriage is devastating on kids and the couple is better apart. Ask any children of loveless marriages....total dysfunction.
Excuses excuses. We are not stuck in the 50's where we have to keep everybody else happy and deluded in thinking we are happily married. Especially concerning women. With more economic opportunities AND welfare, women are not compelled for economic reasons to stay in a marriage that isn't working out. This is the 21st century where there are options, alternatives, and practical solutions available. Any notion of lying, cheating, and living a duplicitous life is dishonorable to yourself, spouse and children, and creates dysfunction.
The only people who do not have many options is men. Married men are stuck pretty much. The alternative is costly. Just research the laws that are against them in the event of a divorce. So, men, DO YOUR DUE DILIGENCE, before signing on the dotted line. Unless your wife is loving, devoted, faithful, and solid as a rock and won't change (which is impossible to predict), a costly divorce is on the horizon. 70% of divorces filed in the US are initiated by women. They may or may not need a good reason either: they could fall out of love with you, or never be in love with you in the first place. "What???" you ask. Yes, they could've married you just because of their biological clock, due to pressure from her mom and sisters and friends, or just wanting the wedding fantasy, and then decide they were never in love with you in the first place. Think twice before you want to become the MARRIAGE MARTYR: living a doormat life as a husband, praying nothing will happen.
Prof, I'm not here to argue because I've known your stance on this subject for a long time. I'll only say that at least both people in this type of "arrangement" should be married. No single person ought to waste her/his life and get crumbs, particularly women. I suppose no-strings sex may work for quite a few men, but most women are wired differently.
I get what your saying, but it's not only unfair to the single person / unattached, but for the other half of the marriage. In the case of 2 married people, multiply it by 2, factor in kids, etc.
All around, I think it's a cowardly way to run from the reality of a bad marriage and is more hurtful all around, more hurtful than the truth.
I get what your saying, but it's not only unfair to the single person / unattached, but for the other half of the marriage. In the case of 2 married people, multiply it by 2, factor in kids, etc.
All around, I think it's a cowardly way to run from the reality of a bad marriage and is more hurtful all around, more hurtful than the truth.
I don't question that. I was talking about the people who care too much about appearances and financial status. It would be more honest to just pay for a hooker! However, they also want the romance, the emotional high, the whole nine yards, while their perfect existence is untouched. The ol' cake cliche...
I don't question that. I was talking about the people who care too much about appearances and financial status. It would be more honest to just pay for a hooker! However, they also want the romance, the emotional high, the whole nine yards, while their perfect existence is untouched. The ol' cake cliche...
Well, didn't see any women reply to this, sure wish I had married women coming on to me, my wife wants married men to hit her up, see no string to cut, cool isn't it MMMMMMMMM
Many men do it and in the last few years have had two situations where a married woman has made advances to me (both much older than me). In both cases their existing relationship was/Is pretty rocky and while in both cases there was a physical attraction (esp in one), I have passed.
IMHO it takes a pretty low life to do this, you want another relationship, no matter how serious or long lasting, how about a seperation or divorce first.
Oh yeah and in case number two, she never once mentioned a husband to me or once let on she was married. I found out through someone else and was pretty shocked.
Careful out there.
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