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OK, I need someone to tell me what the hell I'm thinking here. I have a coworker who lives in England (I am English but live in Seattle) and am married with children. He is also married (no children). We work for the same software company and maybe see each other 3 or 4 times a year. I have always been attracted to this guy and I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual. He is funny and smart and even though he's not classically good-looking, he makes my knees buckle and when he's around he's the only person in the room. Usually we just flirt and go our own separate ways. But last time we were together a few months back the flirting got more intense (to the point where coworkers started to raise their eyebrows) and his suggestive remarks and innuendos suddenly took on a serious kind of undertone. I found myself seeking him out and even volunteered for extra work assignments just because I knew he would be in the same vicinity. It's hard to explain, but something shifted in me from just thinking he was cute to becoming rather obsessed. I really feel like the next time we meet in the summer I might end up in bed with him, or at the very least tell him how I really feel. Someone please tell me I'm an idiot, a selfish person. Delusional.
OK, I need someone to tell me what the hell I'm thinking here. I have a coworker who lives in England (I am English but live in Seattle) and am married with children. He is also married (no children).
...
You are not. And you know it.
Print out what you wrote here and hand it over to your husband and kids for them to read and then try to tell them and yourself what you are doing is right.
Is that having an adverse effect on you, kind of pushing you to drift away
Yes, that's me and we still have the porn problem. Although nowadays it doen't bother me so much - I've just become sort of numb to it. This other man makes me happy when I'm with him and now I can't get him out of my head. To be honest I could have an affair with this guy and not give my husband a second thought. My children are another issue entirely and you're right when you say I should be setting an example. What would they think of me if they knew what was going on in my head?
OK, I need someone to tell me what the hell I'm thinking here. I have a coworker who lives in England (I am English but live in Seattle) and am married with children. He is also married (no children). We work for the same software company and maybe see each other 3 or 4 times a year. I have always been attracted to this guy and I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual. He is funny and smart and even though he's not classically good-looking, he makes my knees buckle and when he's around he's the only person in the room. Usually we just flirt and go our own separate ways. But last time we were together a few months back the flirting got more intense (to the point where coworkers started to raise their eyebrows) and his suggestive remarks and innuendos suddenly took on a serious kind of undertone. I found myself seeking him out and even volunteered for extra work assignments just because I knew he would be in the same vicinity. It's hard to explain, but something shifted in me from just thinking he was cute to becoming rather obsessed. I really feel like the next time we meet in the summer I might end up in bed with him, or at the very least tell him how I really feel. Someone please tell me I'm an idiot, a selfish person. Delusional.
It is hard to control who you are attracted to, but you really should not act on this feeling. First off, you are married, happily or not, and it is an act of betrayal to your husband. Second, he is married, so it isn't only your marriage and family that would be effected. What this is is a sign that you are not happy or satisfied in your marriage and you need to either work it out with your husband or end your marriage. Of course, if you ended your marriage, the co-worker would still be married, which isn't exactly an ideal situation.
Yes, that's me and we still have the porn problem. Although nowadays it doen't bother me so much - I've just become sort of numb to it. This other man makes me happy when I'm with him and now I can't get him out of my head. To be honest I could have an affair with this guy and not give my husband a second thought. My children are another issue entirely and you're right when you say I should be setting an example. What would they think of me if they knew what was going on in my head?
Your feelings for the other person is clearly the result of your unhealthy marriage.
Porn has no place in a marriage. And even if the guys are so horny, how difficult would it be go do porn under the radar and handle the wife smartly, I know a ton of men who do porn and their wives are so unsuspecting, coz they are also smart enough to make sure the wife is satisfied.
I don't want to judge you But don't do this. It might ruin his marriage too.
[FONT=Verdana]Someone please tell me I'm an idiot, a selfish person. Delusional. [/FONT]
Okay. You're an idiot and a selfish person.
1. Some guy overseas is not worth wrecking your marriage.
2. Some guy overseas is not worth breaking your children's hearts.
3. Some guy overseas is not worth derailing your career (even further).
It's perfectly normal to be attracted to someone, particularly if something is amiss at home. Turn that energy toward fixing what is missing in your marriage, and stop thinking between your legs.
Was that blunt enough for you? Hey, you asked!
Last edited by Yzette; 02-16-2010 at 11:22 PM..
Reason: If you need more: //www.city-data.com/forum/12924846-post132.html
1. Some guy overseas is not worth wrecking your marriage.
2. Some guy overseas is not worth breaking your children's hearts.
3. Some guy overseas is not worth derailing your career (even further).
It's perfectly normal to be attracted to someone, particularly if something is amiss at home. Turn that energy toward fixing what is missing in your marriage, and stop thinking between your legs.
Was that blunt enough for you? Hey, you asked!
Thanks Avienne, this made me laugh and cry and the same time. You know I'm so bored and frustrated in my own marriage and the rush I get from interacting with this other man is so powerful it screws with my head. I'm not really thinking between my legs at all. My attraction isn't so much sexual as mental. He is so much more on my level. Also, the fact that he's English is kind of ironic as I'm a transplanted Brit myself. He reminds me of everything about "home" that I miss so dearly. Oh my God, that's it isn't it? I’ve had an epiphany!
I wouldn't risk calling his bluff on ending his marriage to be with you. You will just end up alone and looking like a cheater to your family.
Yes, it may be fun for a short while, but the chances of him leaving his wife are not great. On top of that, you could have sex with him and completely ruin the chemistry and he may never even speak to you again.
Not worth it. If you are currently unsatisfied, deal with that in the appropriate way.
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Hey, you asked!
