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A friend of mine referred me to this site in hopes that gathering advice from people all over the country would be helpful, so here it goes. I’ve been happily married for several years to the most amazing man. I love our life together but he desperately wants to be a dad. We married very young and I always assumed that one day I would want to have children, but almost 6 years later and I’m still not interested in the idea. I’m starting to think that I will never want children. Don’t get me wrong, I love children and worked as a nanny for 4 years, but I really don’t want any of my own. I love the freedom I have to pack up on a Friday and take a weekend vacation, sleep in, stay out as late as I want... Goodness I sound like a teenager that has just left the nest. But I really am not ready for that 24/7 responsibility. I feel like I am truly hurting my husband because I have been saying we would talk about having children in 5 years, for the last 6 years. Every time I get a cold or stomach bug, or even a little bloated he gets all excited and asks if I could be pregnant, and his family does the same. I know I have several years on my biological clock, but he does not want to be 60 years old when our children graduate. We would also need to buy a larger house and move to an area with better schools. I guess what I’m asking is what I should do, and if I’m being selfish and should just have children. Any advice would be very helpful. I have prayed for answers, but I’m not getting any.
You totally lied to him. He wants kids and now you changed your mind because you can't find the time . Sooner or later he will probably leave you for someone else. Frankly, I don't blame him. You seem very selfish or were dishonest when you married him.
Didn't she state earlier that he said he would stay in the marriage if she wouldn't have kids? If so, I don't see the problem. She's creating unnecessary drama. He's willing to stay but "she doesn't want to force him to live a life without being a father," or words to that affect. Hmm... martyr much? Another woman just not listening to what her husband is saying.
Cut the drama, and quit stirring trouble where there's probably none.
Didn't she state earlier that he said he would stay in the marriage if she wouldn't have kids? If so, I don't see the problem. She's creating unnecessary drama. He's willing to stay but "she doesn't want to force him to live a life without being a father," or words to that affect. Hmm... martyr much? Another woman just not listening to what her husband is saying.
Cut the drama, and quit stirring trouble where there's probably none.
What drama? She said she saw how happy he looked with kids.
She can probably sense how much he wants them, and she sounds sad that she's not really gung-ho on the idea. It's a big let-down from every angle, but she's got to be true to herself.
What drama? She said she saw how happy he looked with kids.
She can probably sense how much he wants them, and she sounds sad that she's not really gung-ho on the idea. It's a big let-down from every angle, but she's got to be true to herself.
Yes, she does have to be true to herself. I certainly didn't say she she shouldn't. What does that have to do with it.
Now, how about your reaction on the point of my post? You know, the part where I said she had posted that he said he would NOT leave her if she decided on no kids. Funny, most women tend to ignore what their men say. Odd, you missed that, too. Seems to me the problem is fixed, but she just wants to make it worse for some reason. Drama, martyrdom, whatever her motive.
Nobody should be forced to have children if they don't want them. There are a lot of communities online that discuss the childfree lifestyle, and they are full of people who've gone through what you are experiencing. Take a look:
If I was this guy, I would leave her in a second. She seems so greedy. As far as the other lady wanted to sleep with someone else who cares. Sue here if you don't think it is right. I am so glad to see we have so many Perfect people out there. Yeah Right. I guess it is good to dream that you are so perfect.
I don't have time to read through all this, but from the first page and whose commenting my two cents...Allowing your spouce to believe children are in the future, when you don't want them? Give the guy a divorce already will yah? You're just using him for your percieved good times.
No, falling love in true love is nothing at all about selfishness.
To fall in love, true love, you don't have to be attracted to the person physically first.
And you'd be amazed at the number of faults you will accept if you are in love.
As for the rest of your post, for instance:
No, love doesn't fade away "REAL quick" because your spouse isn't a good housekeeper or is bad with money etc.
That's not love. Anything that fades away over such trivial matters wasn't love to begin with it.
Yeah, I've been there. Becoming a doormat in order to keep a bad relationship going because "my love is strong enough to survive anything and it's unconditional." You know what that got me? A broken heart but it also, at least, helped me learn that just being in love is not enough and that I have to love myself enough not to put someone, ANYONE, else ahead of me.
Yes, I love my wife and I'm IN love with my wife but more importantly, I LIKE my wife. I didn't look at her flaws and tell her, "you need to change that or I'm leaving." I don't have the right to ask for anyone to change for me and I'm not stupid enough to believe that anyone actually would.
The OP's husband should've been the cautious one because, the moment she hesitated at the mention of kids, a red flag should've gone up and he should've move on. He probably felt like you do though and thought, "my love will make her change her mind." Contrary to popular belief, this is as much a common problem among men as it is among women.
As far as my examples, my point still stands. A marriage is a partnership after all and you can't trust a partner who won't keep your house in order or cost you your house because of how they handle money. It doesn't matter what kind of romantic dribble you're trying to feed yourself or anyone else; the statistics show that the number one reason for divorce is poor money management.
There are plenty of people out there who say, "Yeah, I love him/her but we just aren't good together" so I guess you may be right that love endures all things but apparently people don't.
Yes, she does have to be true to herself. I certainly didn't say she she shouldn't. What does that have to do with it.
Now, how about your reaction on the point of my post? You know, the part where I said she had posted that he said he would NOT leave her if she decided on no kids. Funny, most women tend to ignore what their men say. Odd, you missed that, too. Seems to me the problem is fixed, but she just wants to make it worse for some reason. Drama, martyrdom, whatever her motive.
No, I didn't miss that. It seems that his actions are not matching his words if his continued desire for kids is that obvious to her. There wouldn't be any "uncomfortable" moments when others among their family and friends have kids. That is the whole issue behind her post.
Oh, and not for nothing, but plenty of men say things they don't mean. In fact, words mean absolutely jack squat if the actions don't match.
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. Sooner or later he will probably leave you for someone else. Frankly, I don't blame him. You seem very selfish or were dishonest when you married him.
