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Speak for yourself. Don't include me in your generalizations!
And to the OP, it's not just guys, for goodness sakes. These ex-girlfriends are just as guilty, wouldn't you admit? Why do they continue to talk to their ex-boyfriends?
Personally, I don't think it's a good idea -- not because of the danger (of cheating) involved, but because it often introduces stress into the new relationship.
Some people consider porn cheating.
Some people think politicians tell the truth.
Some people like Chevy, some people like Ford.
Some believe in God, some don't.
See what i'm getting at ? We all have different things which are important.
If she's his friend, then I'm afraid you just gotta suck it up and deal with it.
She's his EX, remember, they're not together. They may still share some kind of bond, it depends on the circumstances of the break up.
Keep on making an issue, and you're just gonna put him in the position where he has to choose. You, or her.
are you confident you'll win that ?
Personally, I dated a girl for a few months when I was 18 or so. As a couple, we were going nowhere fast, we liked each other OK tho, there was just no spark.
We called it off, and we remained friends for years. We became very good friends, I could talk to her about things I couldn't talk to my buddies about.
I learned a lot from her about how to deal with women.
We saw each other with new lovers, who came and went, and we stayed friends.
Then I met my ex-wife, and she couldn't deal with the fact I had any female friends, much less that one of them was an ex.
Eventually, she made it such an issue, that she made me choose between them.
I chose her.
I was wrong.
It is one of the biggest regrets of my life.
Nobody has the right to tell anybody else who they can, and can't be friends with.
I bet if the shoe was on the other foot it would be different.
I'm sorry, if you can't deal with it, then break it off. You have no right to attempt to come between them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maddog1
He says he will not give up any of his friends for me. i dont consider an ex a friend, but he says he does.
He says he will not give up any of his friends for me. i dont consider an ex a friend, but he says he does.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MontanaGuy
Then as I stated on my earlier post I would have a problem with that. What he appears to be telling you is that your feelings are of less importance than his friendship with his ex-girlfriend. Good luck with this situation and I hope it works out but I honestly don't think that sounds very good.
I don't know, I wouldn't give up any of my friends for a guy, nor would I ask anyone to do so. I just find the idea of giving up your friends for a new SO to be offensive. The only way I'd "give up" a friend is if it were proven that he/she was harmful in some way (i.e. abusive, etc). I know a good number of people who are very friendly with several of their exes, and it's never been about "keeping an option open".
If something fishy is going on, then he's a jerk and you're better off without him. If they really are just friends and you're overreacting, then 1) you need to figure out a way to trust him and let it go, or 2) realize that it's something you can't handle and end it. In the end it all comes down to whether or not you trust him.
I think it's a way to keep the door open, just in case....
I can't fathom that reason and I'm a guy. I don't even want to see my ex, talk to my ex, talk about my ex, or even think about my ex. "Shudder". I broke up with her for many reasons. Why would I want to continue that nightmare?
If he knows that this upsets you, yet he continues to do it, then why are you still with him?
If he wants to remain "friends" with his exes, let him have it. I don`t think he will find to many other women out there, who would be happy about this either. Move on!
that is what my worry is. He swears up and down its innocent. She has a boyfriend now, but would it stay innocent if she didn't? He not only is the (my bf) one to initiate contact, one of the first things he asks about is her boyfriend..... Am I overreacting or should I "put up" with this?
You are not overreacting and no you shouldn't just sit there and put up with it neither.
I feel there is no need to keep in contact with your ex like that unless you've known her all your life.
I've never kept in touch with any of my exes. I didn't see the point. But I also have several different circles of friends going at any given time. So to not see an ex any longer didn't cause me to lose other friends or have to divide them up in our "divorce settlement".
But I do see legitimate reasons for staying friends with an ex. Maybe they have known each other for many years before dating, as in going to high school together. And in that case, they have many friends in common. Or maybe they have gone to the same church for years, or their family members know each other and are close. So for him to avoid her totally or be cold to her would be more awkward than just treating her as a casual friend.
Some say that there is a fine line between love and hate... so it's better for you if they are just friends and not all emotional towards each other.
Otherwise, from my experience, it's never smart to demand that a s/o change something in their life for you. They have to want to do it all on their own, else they start resenting your presence in their life. If you push to make your boyfriend stop talking to his ex, he's going to start thinking that you are a controlling and jealous b*tch. And also his friends are going to hate you for upsetting their little cosey social circle because you know that if he tells this woman that he can't talk to her anymore, he's going to tell her that it's because YOU object to their friendship. Another example of trying to change your boyfriend in a stupid way would be asking him to quit smoking or drinking because you hated those personal habits. And that sort of demand doesn't work until THEY want to quit for themselves and because THEY want to. When you demand it, all that will happen is that he will still see her as a friend, but do it behind your back. She's going to know that he's sneaking around on you. And it will be their secret game and draw them closer together.
But it's your call. I'd just not worry about their friendship and instead invite her over when you have other friends over. Also, invite her to go shopping together. That way you can also be friends with her. Remember that Mafia saying... "keep your friends close, but your enemies closer..."
I think that your jealousy gives this ex more power over your relationship than she actually has.
Could be a few reasons, that come down to only one. Does not want to lose contact with her-still feels connected, possibly keeping her on the back burner. Why would you continue talking to your ex? It is disrespectful, if you have voiced your disapproval. The only reason anyone should continue a relationship (and talking is just that), is if they have young children together. They talk because they miss each other and they want to. Why should he care what his ex is doing or feeling? You talk to people because you want to (friends), have to (your accountant, doctor, etc), or your obligated (relatives, the boss). He cares very little for your feelings, big red flag for future reference.
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And spoken like someone not old enough to have mature relationship.
Talking to ex girlfriend
