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My ex-BF and I split up about a month ago because we decided we could not do long distance US-Germany. It was sad, but mutually agreed with no hard feelings. We decided to drop contact for at least a while to help with the "moving on" process. Today, I come home and find a note on my door from his mom (I have no idea how she got my address). Her note said she recently returned from visiting him in Germany and she wants to meet me for coffee so she can tell me about some of her observations. I guarantee my ex-bf does not know about this and would be horrified if he knew.
I am trying to decide whether to call and meet her. I really like her a lot, but am not sure I want to (or even should) do this. To make an awkward situation even more awkward, I'll have to do this in Turkish and will miss 95% of the nuance.
My ex-BF and I split up about a month ago because we decided we could not do long distance US-Germany. It was sad, but mutually agreed with no hard feelings. We decided to drop contact for at least a while to help with the "moving on" process. Today, I come home and find a note on my door from his mom (I have no idea how she got my address). Her note said she recently returned from visiting him in Germany and she wants to meet me for coffee so she can tell me about some of her observations. I guarantee my ex-bf does not know about this and would be horrified if he knew.
I am trying to decide whether to call and meet her. I really like her a lot, but am not sure I want to (or even should) do this. To make an awkward situation even more awkward, I'll have to do this in Turkish and will miss 95% of the nuance.
Any thoughts on handling this?
If you like her, then call her and tell her that since you and her son are no longer together, it would simply be too sad to listen to her talk about him. Surely she would understand that and be done with it.
Her observations about what? The scenery from her trip or why you and her son should/should not be together?
The note did not say the topic. Just I have been to Stuttgart and want to tell you my observations.
Chessiemom: "If you like her, then call her and tell her that since you and her son are no longer together, it would simply be too sad to listen to her talk about him. Surely she would understand that and be done with it. "
Part of me would like to do exactly that, but part of me feels that something must be very wrong for her to come in person to my house and leave a note (we do not live close and she doesn't drive) and it would not be kind to turn away from someone who might want my help
The note did not say the topic. Just I have been to Stuttgart and want to tell you my observations.
Chessiemom: "If you like her, then call her and tell her that since you and her son are no longer together, it would simply be too sad to listen to her talk about him. Surely she would understand that and be done with it. "
Part of me would like to do exactly that, but part of me feels that something must be very wrong for her to come in person to my house and leave a note (we do not live close and she doesn't drive) and it would not be kind to turn away from someone who might want my help
As you can see, I am thoroughly conflicted
Is there any part of you that would reconsider the relationship? If so, then meet her. If not, then what is the point?
I bumped into my ex's mother just the other day. I still talk to her family, even although I never hear from her.
It does get a little awkward if they want to talk about the ex, but on a purely social basis, I don't see why not ?
After all, if the conversation takes a turn you don't like, you can always throw 'em out !!
It's not like you've got to keep them sweet anymore ?
You can always set a few "ground rules" straight from the get-go.
Since you both are adults and you reached a very adult decision in taking a break or deciding to not move on, I don't see how any of it is her business. I think the worst thing you can do in a relationship is to get the parents involved. I would say if you have her number you can call and just say thanks for the note but you would prefer to not discuss at this time so not to come off sounding really harsh.
I bumped into my ex's mother just the other day. I still talk to her family, even although I never hear from her.
It does get a little awkward if they want to talk about the ex, but on a purely social basis, I don't see why not ?
After all, if the conversation takes a turn you don't like, you can always throw 'em out !!
It's not like you've got to keep them sweet anymore ?
You can always set a few "ground rules" straight from the get-go.
From her note, I have a feeling this is not a social meeting. She wants to talk about what she saw on her trip to visit him. If it was social I'd have no questions, since I really like her company
To Chessiemom: If we were still going to be in the same hemisphere, we would still be together, so yeah, a big part of me cares about him but I know that we can't have a relationship now
and Andreaspercheron:
Your (very good) advice would be perfect if I was in the US. Actually, in the US I doubt I would be in this situation! Over here, it might fly, but it also might be a horribly rude thing to do. My Turkish friends strongly favor meeting her
From her note, I have a feeling this is not a social meeting. She wants to talk about what she saw on her trip to visit him. If it was social I'd have no questions, since I really like her company
To Chessiemom: If we were still going to be in the same hemisphere, we would still be together, so yeah, a big part of me cares about him but I know that we can't have a relationship now
and Andreaspercheron:
Your (very good) advice would be perfect if I was in the US. Actually, in the US I doubt I would be in this situation! Over here, it might fly, but it also might be a horribly rude thing to do. My Turkish friends strongly favor meeting her
Well from the standpoint of culture, I guess "when in Rome...." Right? I think when you are in other countries it's best to respect their rules and go with the flow. Perhaps a brief meeting would suffice and still be strong in your views about the situation and don't allow her to bully you into something.
How would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot?
Would you want your mother talking with your ex? Would you be hurt/upset?
Why not email your ex and tell him what's going on.
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