Need a way to ask this woman out (date, women, love)

[Swan Dive]

Hi Guys

I haven’t posted for a while but I would some advice from preferably some experienced guys out there because I’m not sure what to do in this situation normally I have met women at clubs and online and I generally do pretty well because I can be upfront about things. But day game and in this situation is tough and I really want to succeed here

So basically I have a mild case of oneites I have been going to this gym for along time but this girl that works at the desk I have had major interest in for 1.5 years, but basically I am now starting to act on it. I know this seems late but I had to fix other areas of my life first. I was rather depressed so I never said much to her. She works the desk in the mornings and this entire time I would just sign in and maybe briefly say hello and that’s it. In the past I could see her stealing glances at me from the desk from to time although with the state I was in I couldn’t be bothered.

This week I have showing up to the gym early in the morning and since she’s alone and I’m making allot more chit chat .Problem is I exit early because I Don’t want to seem too obvious and yet I want to be more and more social. She seems nice and makes good conversation, she told me about her busy life etc But she seems to think that I still want to quickly sign in and not make conversation because before, she would try to be more social and I just didn’t bother to really make an effort, but now I want to change that

I added her to my face book today and low and behold she is single (thank god)

I would love see her out side of the gym but the problem is if I fail, the whole gym may know and since I used to be a staff member before she worked there that would be embarrassing as all hell

So what do I do? I cant eventually ask her out over facebook because that too AFC and standing by the gym counter being social may backfire if I stayed there for like 15 minutes I’m thinking I have about 10 mins max

What would you do and how would you build good rapport? You see I can only make small talk for so long with her. I need a plan and I need to move fast. What strategies would you advise maybe a fun routine?

And chatting by the desk early in the AM is difficult to sense IOI’s….. the bar is so much easier

I need to ask her out without asking her out and problem is I hardly know anybody here, all my friends are weird or have left so I spend most of time at the gym or working

shes about 21, Im 29

PS I repeat ....keep in mind I cant bring her out with my friends cause all ahve left town or they are now weirdos. lately Ihave been traveling and focusing on my masters and just keeping a low profile

so far my strategy is too slowly build up rapport but the actual asking is tough
[RIGHT][/RIGHT]

[JSizzle225]

Originally Posted by Swan Dive

Hi Guys

I haven’t posted for a while but I would some advice from preferably some experienced guys out there because I’m not sure what to do in this situation normally I have met women at clubs and online and I generally do pretty well because I can be upfront about things. But day game and in this situation is tough and I really want to succeed here

So basically I have a mild case of oneites I have been going to this gym for along time but this girl that works at the desk I have had major interest in for 1.5 years, but basically I am now starting to act on it. I know this seems late but I had to fix other areas of my life first. I was rather depressed so I never said much to her. She works the desk in the mornings and this entire time I would just sign in and maybe briefly say hello and that’s it. In the past I could see her stealing glances at me from the desk from to time although with the state I was in I couldn’t be bothered.

This week I have showing up to the gym early in the morning and since she’s alone and I’m making allot more chit chat .Problem is I exit early because I Don’t want to seem too obvious and yet I want to be more and more social. She seems nice and makes good conversation, she told me about her busy life etc But she seems to think that I still want to quickly sign in and not make conversation because before, she would try to be more social and I just didn’t bother to really make an effort, but now I want to change that

I added her to my face book today and low and behold she is single (thank god)

I would love see her out side of the gym but the problem is if I fail, the whole gym may know and since I used to be a staff member before she worked there that would be embarrassing as all hell

So what do I do? I cant eventually ask her out over facebook because that too AFC and standing by the gym counter being social may backfire if I stayed there for like 15 minutes I’m thinking I have about 10 mins max

What would you do and how would you build good rapport? You see I can only make small talk for so long with her. I need a plan and I need to move fast. What strategies would you advise maybe a fun routine?

And chatting by the desk early in the AM is difficult to sense IOI’s….. the bar is so much easier

I need to ask her out without asking her out and problem is I hardly know anybody here, all my friends are weird or have left so I spend most of time at the gym or working

shes about 21, Im 29

PS I repeat ....keep in mind I cant bring her out with my friends cause all ahve left town or they are now weirdos. lately Ihave been traveling and focusing on my masters and just keeping a low profile

so far my strategy is too slowly build up rapport but the actual asking is tough

Rationally ask yourself why that would be embarrassing as hell. What kind of b would bad mouth you and *** it all over the gym. Unless you really read situations wrong, I don't think she would do that.

[Swan Dive]

well J sissle I guess you could say Im worried about that I dunno if it were to not work out. everyone would gossip about me and generally I like to keep a low profile

the bar I do ok online also, but durign the day a place i frequent I dunno i fear

I know have good social intelligence I can read people very well and their little facil expressions right. but I in these siutations I second guess myself. its alwyas been a problem

[AllAboutEve]

Ok, I'm not a guy, but I can tell you at one point you are just going to have to take a risk and ask her out. If she rejects you, find another gym if you can't stand the awkwardness .

[MMichelle]

Here's a woman's suggestion:

Ask her out to lunch and/or coffee. It's more friendly, not always a "date". Here's what to do -

Chat for a few minutes
Then say - I know you are working, but I'd like to buy you a cup of coffee or lunch if you'd have time this week.

Here's the deal - it let's every one off the hook - she can say - "ok, ya - maybe sometime" - you can say, "how's Friday?" - if not interested, she can say, "I can't Friday, but I'll let you know" (and she never does)

OR She can say, .. "Fridays are not good, how about Monday" .... etc.
The thing with lunch or coffee is that it can be a "test date" ... for both of you. There is no heavy "date" with kiss good night, etc to be a big deal. If you meet for coffee or lunch and don't hit it off ... you can both be "friends" and save face, after all, it was only lunch.

If the coffee or lunch goes well --- maybe you can suggest meeting after work for a drink, or a real date.

Remember she may be as unsure as you ... don't worry. At my age, I have learned, we are all just people trying to get along.

Don't be afraid. Always be a gentleman. And remember, a gentleman never uses force but always takes the lead.
Go for it, my friend!
Best wishes.

[Swan Dive]

Originally Posted by AllAboutEve

Ok, I'm not a guy, but I can tell you at one point you are just going to have to take a risk and ask her out. If she rejects you, find another gym if you can't stand the awkwardness .

of course ! but in places like the bar I can get numbers and almosty always if the siutation and the vibe is right do becuase the context is there

I cant say exactly, come out to this event and bring your friends to get to know her

I have to go in for the kill it seems like Im setting the date frame up and in reality I want something more casual and cool

[Swan Dive]

Originally Posted by MMichelle

Here's a woman's suggestion:

Ask her out to lunch and/or coffee. It's more friendly, not always a "date". Here's what to do -

Chat for a few minutes
Then say - I know you are working, but I'd like to buy you a cup of coffee or lunch if you'd have time this week.

Here's the deal - it let's every one off the hook - she can say - "ok, ya - maybe sometime" - you can say, "how's Friday?" - if not interested, she can say, "I can't Friday, but I'll let you know" (and she never does)

OR She can say, .. "Fridays are not good, how about Monday" .... etc.
The thing with lunch or coffee is that it can be a "test date" ... for both of you. There is no heavy "date" with kiss good night, etc to be a big deal. If you meet for coffee or lunch and don't hit it off ... you can both be "friends" and save face, after all, it was only lunch.

If the coffee or lunch goes well --- maybe you can suggest meeting after work for a drink, or a real date.

Remember she may be as unsure as you ... don't worry. At my age, I have learned, we are all just people trying to get along.

Don't be afraid. Always be a gentleman. And remember, a gentleman never uses force but always takes the lead.
Go for it, my friend!
Best wishes.

This might be my only way and I agree but the whole coffee thing I dunno ....It's just cliche and corny and I dont even drink coffee , she is popoular I wish I could mingle with her friends out with them. my friedns have become all zeros and are embarassing

[WFW&P]

If you ask her out & she declines, then proceeds to spread it around the gym that would speak volumes of her character, or lack there of, which would provide insight on what the relationship would been like.
Ask her out.

[Swan Dive]

Originally Posted by WFW&P

If you ask her out & she declines, then proceeds to spread it around the gym that would speak volumes of her character, or lack there of, which would provide insight on what the relationship would been like.
Ask her out.

I will and will try to within a month a need to build more rapport and need to read her vibe and see how that goes

[cuinlalaland]

Why don't you just apologize for being a little anti-social over the last year (let's her know you don't hate her) and tell her you think she's cute and would like to get to know her better? Seems pretty straight forward to me.