Give up on her or wait?

[skratchmo]

I know a lot of girls dig older guys but I don't know if I want to deal with all that comes with dating someone that young. I mean that's pretty young for me. I remember when I was 19 and 20 years old and how girls that age acted. Not to say that's how all girls that age act but that's not something I really want to deal with know what I mean. It's something to think about though I guess.

[fatmancomics]

Originally Posted by Curmudgeon

So it would then follow, Jack, that it's also worthless having platonic guy friends unless you work with them or are hard up for conversation, right.

So tell us, Jack, how many of your guy friends are you dating?



And based upon this and your other misogynistic spewings I would guess that you're the poster boy for the bitter dumpees, right? No mystery as to why!

Actually, if you're straight, guys are the only ones that you can have platonic relationships with. I think what he was trying to say is that the only time that you can have a platonic relationship with a woman who isn't related to you is when it is a professional one. The "hard up for conversation" remark sounded like it was meant to be facetious. I'm only defending him because I agree.

And, yes, I am a bitter dumpee. I'm not ashamed to admit that seeing as how I was the one that went out of his way to make a relationship with a manipulative and overly self endulgant psychopath work while I was getting treated like a doormat. We're talking breaking up over going to different schools and then making up when she came home with no degree and plenty of tread marks on the 'tang. We're talking being dumped because I refused to drink the cool aid at the cult she decided to join and then making up when she suddenly realized, "god wouldn't want me to be unhappy and I'm unhappy without you." We're talking being her "friend with benefits" when she decided that she didn't want to be in a relationship with me because she likes to be "wined and dined" and I was broke. We're talking staying with her after she slept with her "best friend" who, conviniently, was a guy and bad mouthed me every chance he got but it wasn't cheating because we were broken up for three days. We're talking leaving to another state, still hooking up with me when she would come back to visit and all the while she's living with someone in the other state who got her pregnant and then she got an abortion (that was the last straw, BTW).

So yeah, I guess I deserve the title of Poster Boy for Bitter Dumpees or even for Former Human Doormat. But at least I managed to only misdirect my bitterness on one person after her before I realized that I could grow from my bad experiences and learn that I was a good enough person to have higher expectations from the women that I dated. Don't get it twisted; I treat my wife like she is the greatest woman in the world but I do it BECAUSE she is the greatest woman in the world and not just because she is a woman.

Originally Posted by TakeAhike

I really don't appreciate your remarks about women--bordering on a violation of TOS--but I am not going to make that call.

Men also reject women and it hurts just as much. Many men would voice objections if women responded to such a post with derisive comments/generalizations about men. You really don't want to know what I think and say offline about the guy that interacted with me in a similar way. 'His Royal Majesty' is just one of the nicer terms that I use---apparently thinks only of himself and will never change--which is fine. I'm certain he has the adoration of thousands--but he will never have another kind word from me---much less my respect or affection. Is he a 'bad' person---no---actually a very nice person and has many fine qualities---he just doesn't seem to have much regard for me or my feelings. Sometimes I truly 'hate' him and then I 'hate' myself and then more time is wasted and I try to put the experience behind me, again, and find something that brings joy or makes me feel better. That is what I tried to say to the OP--and that is what I think everyone has been saying--because many of us have 'been there'.

I haven't advised the OP to be sympathetic---FYI. He needs to be realistic and pragmatic, protective of his own interests. He cares more about her than she does for him --and that is sad but none of us on this message board know what her life may be. If she is having relationship problems it isn't a good time to bring someone else into the chaos. If she had involved the OP we might be reading about a great deal more pain.

At times, when I wonder why things didn't work out the way I thought they should---and feel bitter---I stop and think --maybe I should be grateful. Without a crystal ball none of us can predict the future.

LOL--I know my wonderful person has a few traits that would have certainly made me miserable--so glad I wasn't around to have the full experience.

Wether you appreciate it or not, you're basically agreeing with me because it sounds like you had the same thing happen to me. You obviously haven't noticed but I have only made negative remarks when referring to the OP's ex in particular and when referring to women like her in general. I never said that ALL women were like her or even MOST women. You had some anus treat you like poop also and I would give you the same type of blunt advice if you had been the one posting what the OP posted.

That's just me; that's how I talk in real life to people that I love so I don't see any reason to suddenly be nicer to strangers on the internet. Besides, pussyfooting around doesn't get us anywhere. The OP should feel angry at this manipulator. Sympathy or understanding isn't going to help him get over her. In fact, if he's sympathetic or understanding, he may actually go back to her instead of facing up to what a horrible person she is.

Who cares if your ex is a great person (and this goes to women AND men) to everyone else? All that matters is how he/she treated you and, if they treated you like crap then they were an anus to you. In the end, that's all that matters.

Originally Posted by skratchmo

I know a lot of girls dig older guys but I don't know if I want to deal with all that comes with dating someone that young. I mean that's pretty young for me. I remember when I was 19 and 20 years old and how girls that age acted. Not to say that's how all girls that age act but that's not something I really want to deal with know what I mean. It's something to think about though I guess.

So go to places outside of campus. Do things by yourself that you like doing and don't worry about being in a social environment like a bar or club in order to talk to a girl. I hardly ever hooked up with girls at clubs when I was single. It was usually that cute cashier that I spoke to that I ended up hooking up with or the girl standing in line at the grocery store. Hell, I met my wife in a Judo class.

[skratchmo]

Originally Posted by fatmancomics

So go to places outside of campus. Do things by yourself that you like doing and don't worry about being in a social environment like a bar or club in order to talk to a girl. I hardly ever hooked up with girls at clubs when I was single. It was usually that cute cashier that I spoke to that I ended up hooking up with or the girl standing in line at the grocery store. Hell, I met my wife in a Judo class.

That's what I'm doing. I'm always on the lookout.

[akck]

Originally Posted by skratchmo

I know a lot of girls dig older guys but I don't know if I want to deal with all that comes with dating someone that young. I mean that's pretty young for me. I remember when I was 19 and 20 years old and how girls that age acted. Not to say that's how all girls that age act but that's not something I really want to deal with know what I mean. It's something to think about though I guess.

This is one time where I think you should deal with it. For this situation, you're not looking to date someone long-term, you're dating just to send a message out that you're not waiting for her. Make sure you let it slip that you're going out with someone and leave it at that. You'll get one of three reactions. She'll become cold and distant, she'll act normal or she'll again be more interested in you. The first two are best since you'll know she was never interested in you and I think you can deal with it. The third is your problem area, because if you show any interest, you'll again be plan B. Your best bet is to turn it into the first reaction. Oh, and if you end up finding someone who is younger and more mature, that will be icing on the cake.

[skratchmo]

ha she called me 3 times last night. i didnt answer any of them. i saw her at school today and she invited me to go to a comedy show with her and her sisters tomorrow. gonna have to say no to that.