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There's this girl i used to date a few years ago while we were in college together. She eventually graduated and moved away for work. Just before she moved she started dating this guy and they did long distance for a long time. Well she recently came back into my life a few months ago when we both decided to go back to school. Since August of last year when we went back to school, we had been hanging out and talking a lot as just friends but I sometimes got the impression of something more. She was sort of dating the same guy at the time but they were having a lot of problems. Serious problems for her. She even said a couple times that she does not like nor love him. Well in December of last year at the end of the semester I told her how I felt about her and that I thought there was something between us and I wanted a second chance for us. She said she had been thinking about it too and that she was ready to move on from her boyfriend. She also said that I was a big part of the reason she came back to school and that she missed me and thought about me a lot over the past year and half while she was away working. These things made me believe she was thinking the same thing I was. Due to her situation with her boyfriend and the fact that she had been going through a lot she said she wanted to take a little time and sort things out and clear her head. I was fine with this.
After we talked we didn't see each other for a few weeks due to winter break from school. The first week we were back at school everything was like normal. Well since then I've been getting the cold shoulder from her for a few weeks now. We still see each other at school and talk at school but any attempts to talk outside of school have pretty much been ignored by her. When i asked her about it she told me that her head was still messed up and she was still sorting things out. She also told me she still talks to her ex/boyfriend. It was a very short conversation. I haven't called her or tried to spend any time with her outside of school since she told me she still talks to her ex. She hasn't made any effort to talk to me or spend time with me either. When we are at school we still talk like normal for the most part. I kind of feel like things are unresolved because we haven't really had a good conversation about it.
I suppose what's confusing me so much is the things she said to me when we talked. I'm not sure how I can go form the big reason she took a leave of absence from work and moved back home to go to school to basically being tossed to the side.
Is this a case of her finding comfort in someone until her boyfriend came back around and decided to get in her good graces again? Do you think I should bring it up again and ask her what she's thinking? Should I just try and be her friends with her like I was before and wait it out?
I would love some advice on how to handle this situation. Thanks for reading my short novel if you did.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ... lolz excuse me ..dude if u're in love with her ..shoot it off ..point blank ! ..dont wait ..if u do so ..u'll keep waiting your entire life !
Sounds to me like returning to school (and possibly to you) was her stab at establishing a "comfort zone" when she was having problems with the boyfriend. It certainly doesn't sound like she is currently interested in pursuing anything with you, and the fact that she is talking with her ex regularly would indicate that they are heading for a reunion.
Here's my take on it, from the details you have provided: She is giving you the cold shoulder as she is currently in negociation to resume the other relationship. If that doesn't work out, you can bet your boots she'll be back all friendly again. In short, it sounds to me like you are her "fall back" guy. I wouldn't hang around if I were you - unless you are content to be her Plan B, Choice number 2. I could be wrong. But she sounds like a fair weather girlfriend.
Having been in a similar scenario my suggestion would be to have a talk with yourself and banish any tender feelings toward this individual---permanently.
I recently heard from someone like this after several decades and learned all over again that this individual is as self-absorbed today as he was then. Not worth the effort to become involved with people like that.
Also, there's a good chance that whatever problems she is having with her current boyfriend are related to some personal issues.
By 'walking away' you have some chance to salvage a bit of self-respect and dignity. It has been my experience that such people perceive kindness and courtesy, affection as 'weakness' and will never respond in kind.
You first clue that something was very wrong was when she talked to you about her messed up relationship. That's the biggest red flag that you are nothing more than a doormat. The most you can possibly hope for with this girl is the 'privilege' of paying for her dinner and then being told: "No thanks, I don't need you to walk me to my door."
your not in a relationship with the chick. stop throwing all your feelings out there and dont ask her whats on her mind again. you've probably made too many mistakes to recover, but at this point i would tell her if she wants to keep dating this guy to lose your number.
You first clue that something was very wrong was when she talked to you about her messed up relationship. That's the biggest red flag that you are nothing more than a doormat. The most you can possibly hope for with this girl is the 'privilege' of paying for her dinner and then being told: "No thanks, I don't need you to walk me to my door."
This part is definitely true. Only friends hear relationship woes, potential boyfriends do not. I can't imagine griping to a guy I was interested in about the problems I was having with the guy I am dating
I concur with the others: she is using you, She clearly has passion for the other guy while you are just a fall back (at best). And I agree, too, that her discussions with you of her relationship with the other guy is a strong indication that she has friendzoned you. That, of course, is where you DON'T want to be.
These types of situations can be toxic for a guy: you like her, but she's wishy washy toward you and you end up tortured by her hot-and-cold games. The fact that she now gives you the cold shoulder is pathetic -- if she really was considerate of your feelings she would not pretend that you didn't exist; she would, in fact, be up front and honest with you about her thoughts.
Bottom line: you want her more than she wants you. You should thus move on, 'cause you're just gonna be strung along by this gal and you'll wind up empty handed in the end. Give her two words: buh bye.
I'm guessing that the other guy doesn't treat her all that well but she puts up with him becasue she really likes him. She truly wants to be with him if only he would be better. Whatever.
......I'm guessing that the other guy doesn't treat her all that well but she puts up with him becasue she really likes him. She truly wants to be with him if only he would be better. Whatever.
I agree. She had her chance and blew it. Move on, and good luck!
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