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Second...men are not evil, lazy, bumbs...we make em that way sometimes...sometimes, no matter how hard they try, nothing pleases us, so they back off....I've seen it many times with my girlfriends. It really grates me...how some of my friends talk to their husbands...like they're little kids and don't have a brain in their bodies.
I think, most women, not all, but most of us, are take charge women...and we want things done well, and exactly as we would do them...and when things are not done that way, by our husbands, then we complain and moan and yell at them, like they failed us, just b/c they didn't make the bed like we asked them to, or did the laundry like we do it...but that isn't the point...the point is, the husband did it...so what if it isn't exactly like we would have done it, yanno.
I think women have a tendancy to be somewhat controlling in that department?
I also think, mothers of boys, make their sons, co-dependent on a woman to take care of them, therefore, they look for that in their wives...someone who is going to wait on them hand and foot?
It takes a long time, to get accustomed to someone else's way of living, and visa versa...and a lot of times, when arguments arise, people take them personal, when it is merely a difference of opinion...I just don't want to go there anymore...or when I'm thinking about something, have someone ask me, "Where are you, what were you thinking"? I also think the longer your alone, the more independent you become, especially with pleasing self.
Creme
I agree!!! I, too, see some of my friends raising their boys to expect someone to take care of them. You shouldn't HAVE to be taken care of. You should be able to take care of yourself.
I was unhappily married, then divoced, and learned a lot from the failures in my first marriage. His and mine. I was single for quite a while, and am now re-married happily. We both were married before, both were single for a while, comfortable single, knew what we wanted in a relationship. I am happier now than I ever have been!!!!
BTW, my hubby can take care of himself just fine. I stay home and choose to take care of my family, him included. I am happy to do it, and he doesn't expect me to do things for him. He appreciates me so it works out well for us! He takes care of me, too.
What do you think of finding a good date on a professional internet site. As I find that I can not meet a the right guys in bars or clubs. Has any one met a lovely person on internet dating?
Marriage has so many responsibilities (if you take it seriously) and you have to sacrifice so much (again, if you take it seriously).
I'd be interested to hear more about what exactly this means. I've been married for 3.5 years; we've been together for 7. I am very happily married, and am much happier being married than I was single. I love the committment that you have when you're married. I have just as much fun being married as I did when I was single, and I am much happier overall. I can still do whatever I want being married, and I'm not sure what exactly the responsibilities or sacrifice are in marriage that are so onerous. I don't feel that I have had to make any sacrifices. Sure, I wish I was able to spend more time with my husband but that's not even something specific to marriage--I would feel that way even if we were just dating.
I'd be interested to hear more about what exactly this means. I've been married for 3.5 years; we've been together for 7. I am very happily married, and am much happier being married than I was single. I love the committment that you have when you're married. I have just as much fun being married as I did when I was single, and I am much happier overall. I can still do whatever I want being married, and I'm not sure what exactly the responsibilities or sacrifice are in marriage that are so onerous. I don't feel that I have had to make any sacrifices. Sure, I wish I was able to spend more time with my husband but that's not even something specific to marriage--I would feel that way even if we were just dating.
In marriage you learn to compromise on things you may not have to compromise if you are single. Cars. Let's say you want an $80,000 car but your husband doesn't think you need that. Think you're going to get that car? Think again. How about a house. What if you want the big, fabulous house on the bluff with the breathtaking ocean view but hubby says it will put him into bankruptcy court. You think you're gonna get that house? You want to be on a permanent shopping spree because you just love clothes - only hubby doesn't think you need so many clothes and feels that your need to be the fashionista of the 'hood is insane. You may not be shopping as much as you think you should. Oh - you want to spend the holidays with your parents? Too bad. He's already made plans with his family - and you're going!
Sure, those are some extreme examples, but little things come up all the time in which you have to compromise or have a big argument on your hands.
Marriage is not all Betty Crocker and playing doll house. Wait till you get past the honeymoon stage.
What do you think of finding a good date on a professional internet site. As I find that I can not meet a the right guys in bars or clubs. Has any one met a lovely person on internet dating?
Good luck! I've done it twice. The first time I met a wonderful man and though things did not work out for the long term (ended at a year) we are still friends and chat occasionally. The second time... not worth mentioning.
It works both ways, I have some wonderful male friends that have met some "looney" women online.
Hmm, single vs. married. I've done both and each has its pros & cons... Currently I'm single and mostly content, not really looking but not ruling anything out either and if I decide to move my focus will be on that.
In marriage you learn to compromise on things you may not have to compromise if you are single. Cars. Let's say you want an $80,000 car but your husband doesn't think you need that. Think you're going to get that car? Think again. How about a house. What if you want the big, fabulous house on the bluff with the breathtaking ocean view but hubby says it will put him into bankruptcy court. You think you're gonna get that house? You want to be on a permanent shopping spree because you just love clothes - only hubby doesn't think you need so many clothes and feels that your need to be the fashionista of the 'hood is insane. You may not be shopping as much as you think you should. Oh - you want to spend the holidays with your parents? Too bad. He's already made plans with his family - and you're going!
Sure, those are some extreme examples, but little things come up all the time in which you have to compromise or have a big argument on your hands.
Marriage is not all Betty Crocker and playing doll house. Wait till you get past the honeymoon stage.
But that didn't sound like compromise to me. It sounded like one person was really making the decisions..the husband.
See, if I wanted that 80k car and my husband didn't think we needed it, he'd tell me so. But if I let him know it was THAT important to me and why, he'd put aside his differences and buy the car. This exact scenario played out when I was pregnant with our daughter and he surprised me the next day with the car (it wasn't 80k though) and a brand new infant seat in place already!
It's never really about the house or the car or the money or the relatives at the holidays.. It's about doing things you may not want to do but you do them anyway because you love that person and it would make them happy. And I would do the same exact things for my husband!
We've always been a team and worked together towards our goals in life and in raising our daughter. We know that we can count on one another, no matter what and even if we get on each other's nerves sometimes!
And when I got cancer at 36, my husband held our family and household together while I was sick from chemotherapy. He did everything and took care of me on top of it all. And so I gave up my plans for our brand new detached garage conversion of my own, to surprise him with his "Man's Room" complete with a big HDTV on the wall for football and a room that was meant for the guys. It's the least I could do when he took care of all of our responsibilities and held our family together when I was sick.
My husband and I were married when I was 25 and he was 26 and we've been happily married now for almost 14 years. I'm definitely happier married!
Background: married in 1989, divorced in 2000, met boyfriend beginning of 2000 and split in 2007.
I was totally happy being married and I didn't mind having a boyfriend in a LTR.
We broke up in Oct. 2007. We still see each other and hang out but I'm okay with the situation because (after all the crying and heart ache), I have made it through that awful period where you can't eat, sleep or think and have come out the other side of the tunnel.
I've made some fabulous new friends this year from working with our film festival...getting used to being single/living alone has taken some time, but I feel like I don't have to answer to anyone now that I live by myself/am single. I have not experienced this feeling in 19 years.
Here's a great example: on the way home from work, I dropped into a store to see a girlfriend. While inside this fabulous boutique, I saw a nightlight that was more "art" than anything, it was $38 and was in the shape of a see through purple flip flop with beads & danglies....I bought it for my bathroom so as not to trip around in the dark anymore. I mentioned this to my X and he was like, "WHAT? $38 for a night light...I then explained, happily that "it made me happy!" ... he was silent and said, you're right, enjoy it, who am I to tell you how to spend your $.
I actually think you can be happy married or single, it's all about adapting to the situation...people can adapt to anything: pain, abuse, cold, heat, and then when the situation changes, if they resist the change, they experience unhappiness....if you accept the change, you can move on and be at peace.
I'm not saying I don't get lonely, but you can feel that way in a relationship as well....better to be lonely on your own than in a relationship....
I definately agree with mlv311 on this one! I am single, and it's not bad... I definately WOULD NOT go back to unhappily married! But HAPPILY MARRIED???... That would be MY first choice!
I do think that this, as with many other life decisions, is simply one of preference though! I have married friends that would NEVER be happy single, and I have single friends who swear they'll NEVER marry! To each his own, I say! Find YOUR happiness... and then be grateful that you did!
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What do you think of finding a good date on a professional internet site. As I find that I can not meet a the right guys in bars or clubs. Has any one met a lovely person on internet dating?
Singles much happier, that's a no brainer
