settlin for Mr good enough (man, younger, separate, calling)
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I wouldn't liken boob size to height. Height affects overall appearance to a much greater degree than boob size. An equivalent of big boobs would be a great six-pack. Hey, I prefer that too, but most women I know will not exclude a man simply because his six-pack isn't perfect if other attributes make him a great catch! [/end sarcasm] Most boob men may indeed go for a flat-chested woman who has a great sense of humor, but most men who are attracted to slender women won't date someone who's morbidly obese, no matter how wonderful she is. Why? Because again, obesity affects a person's overall appearance to a much greater degree than boob size or the six-pack.
Biology and evolution also say that in many, many species the males mate with multiple females.
So why do women get bent out of shape when I do that? You'd think they'd just fall back on their evolutionary instincts...
Because that is what the MAN wants. The woman wants the man who could mate with any woman he wants yet, for some strange reason, will only mate with (and provide for) her and her off spring.
... or more realistic. I have to chuckle when I see the statement (assuming even that it's true, though it's pure conjecture on the part of the author) that guys would settle for women who meet 80% of their criteria for perfection. Well, what about the other 20%?
*snip*
For both men and women, there is a myriad situations in which one little thing can be a complete deal-breaker. And it is the truth even if men don't by and large admit it.
You're misinterpreting her. Whether deliberately or not, I dunno. For men we might say: "well the *ideal* woman for me would be an "eight" or higher, nice, cooks, cleans, sexes me up, makes great money, waist lond hair, and has a solid education. Maybe she's all of the above but broke and only two years college with only shoulder length hair. Hey, that's good enough for me!!!
Women by contrast would be: "well he has all of my 30 things of an ideal mate except he's only 5'10" and doesn't appreciate art. I can do better."
That's the difference. Yes, there ARE deal breakers but what the author was referring to was missing an item or two from a "list" as opposed to something that no one thought of, like inability to control flatuence.
And having preferences as far as marriage is concerned is not being "judgmental" -- it's having marital preferences, that's all. I was never attracted to short men, for example. I respect them as people, as colleagues, I don't insult them or dehumanize them -- I just would never date them. I don't "judge" them for their shortness -- just not attracted, that's all. Shortness is not a character flaw, but dating and ultimately marriage is about physical attraction too.
Well you are judging, just as fitness as a mate. No problem with that. I'm the same way with fatties. Of course, a fat person can lose weight. I can grow beyonf 5'9".
The author of this book suffers from a great handicap in that she's never been married.
Actually, her handicap is that she's in her 40's with a bastard child whom she chose to have. Honestly, if you're having problems finding Mr. Right NOW, what do you think your chances are several years later with a kid whose daddy was a sperm donor?
I am glad that she is using her experience to warn women away from her peril.
Because that is what the MAN wants. The woman wants the man who could mate with any woman he wants yet, for some strange reason, will only mate with (and provide for) her and her off spring.
But WANTS have little or nothing to do with evolutionary NEEDS.
If early man had only life-mated with one female and females held out for only one man, I seriously doubt we'd be here today discussing this.
Great article! I think she's right on the money. She described me to a tee, anyway, lol. In my 20s, I was having fun, and didn't "worry" about finding Mr. Right. I just knew that he would be there someday. When I hit 30, I started thinking, "Omg, if I don't find him NOW, I may never have a family!" So at almost 34, I settled. Not the Mr. Wow This is It, but Mr. I Think He'd Make a Good Husband and Dad.
Did I do the right thing? Some days I think yes, some days no. Is it better than being alone? Yes, for sure. Would I have met someone else that would've been Mr. Right, if I'd waited a little longer? Who knows. I'll never know. Sadly I realize, like the author is saying, that if I should ever become husbandless (death or divorce), that my chances now (mid 40s with 3 kids) is WAY worse than it was then. So I guess I'll stick with the status quo, and do the best with it that I can. The alternative is probably worse anyway.
you made the point here... men are not as rigid in their preferences and are more willing to flex it if there are other aspects of a woman that they like, for instance taking your "short man" argument, most men, including myself, *prefer* women with big boobs but most I know will not exclude a woman simply because she has small boobs if she has other attributes that make her a great catch!
Within 1.5 seconds of seeing each other, the guy has determined if she is bang-able.
The date goes on for 6 hours so the girl can decide if she even wants to hold his hand.
Hot women call the shots and they can have a list that is 300 items long or 3000 items long. If she is bang-able he will lie act and pretend until he meets all 300 on the list.
Let's see... what's my time from meet to make out record? Oh yeah, 5 minutes (maybe 4:15).
You're right though. Women set the hoops and men jump through them in any way, shape or form only to get upset when men do so. Remember though, the hoop holding dies quicker than you think...
Obesity reflects poor health, habits, and self image.
Shortness reflects genetics in most cases, barring extreme deprivation in youth. It does have an effect on overally strength but in this enlightened (supposedly) society, one doesn't need to physically dominate another competitor.
lol seriosuly..Im not good with women now im starting to think id be better off alone..Any women who approaches me im gonna think she must have got thrown to the waist side numerous times and is just settling for me becasue she doesnt want to be alone..
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ameiko Because that is what the MAN wants. The woman wants the man who could mate with any woman he wants yet, for some strange reason, will only mate with (and provide for) her and her off spring.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SifuPhil
But WANTS have little or nothing to do with evolutionary NEEDS.
If early man had only life-mated with one female and females held out for only one man, I seriously doubt we'd be here today discussing this.
We all want things, mostly to meet our needs in a highly satisfactory manner. Indeed, the wants we are discussing (want of a man to have multiple female mates, the want of a woman to have a mate solely devoted to her) are based on satisfying that person's need to procreation.
Early man used brute force to satisfy those needs, with the end that some men died out, unable to fulfill those needs. Women sustained themselves as best as they could, wanting that one strong man but often instead raped and left to manage as best she could. What reality gave them didn't change the wants.
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