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These (not bolded) are my favorite, and as a woman, I agree with them completely.
The bolded ones are the crappy ones, bc:
2. If your aim didn't suck and you didn't insist on standing and creating a giant mess, you wouldn't need to lift the toilet seat.
14. This is a cop-out; you purposefully do a half-ass, crappy job so that you'll never be asked to do that chore again. You're not fooling anyone with that one.
Put the LID down and that solves more than a gender war.
Water from a flushing toilet can spray [URL="http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/exchange/node/1839"]droplets into the air[/URL]--droplets that can land in your tub, on the floor, on your hair brush, or on your toothbrush. [URL="http://******************"]http://******************/vomit-smiley-544.gif (broken link)[/URL]
I tend not to have that problem, anyway. When you have birds, you want the lid down at all times because you don't want them flying around and landing in the toilet thinking it's a bird bath and, if they're small like mine, drowning.
Water from a flushing toilet can spray droplets into the air--droplets that can land in your tub, on the floor, on your hair brush, or on your toothbrush.
Apropos of nothing in particular, you get more germs from phones, ATMs and keyboards than you do from toilets.
I read somewhere (but not sure how true it is) that hospital door knobs, elevators, telephones and the like have more germs then a toilet seat.
Doctors and nurses hands, especially under the fingernails, are pretty bad. One research project I wish I hadn't done, because in this case ignorance was bliss
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
3. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be..
4. Shopping is NOTa sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
5. Crying is blackmail.
6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
7. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
8. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
9. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
11. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
12. If you think you're fat, you probably are.. Don't ask us.
13. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
14. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
15. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
16. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
17. Men only see in 16 colors, like old Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
18. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
19. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothings wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
20. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
21. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine ... really.
22. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
23. You have enough clothes.
24. You have too many shoes.
25. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
26. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Enough said.
Boy I bet you are a fun guy to be around. Are you kind of 'into yourself' all the time?
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
3. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be..
4. Shopping is NOTa sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
5. Crying is blackmail.
6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
7. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
8. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
9. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
11. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
12. If you think you're fat, you probably are.. Don't ask us.
13. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
14. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
15. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
16. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
17. Men only see in 16 colors, like old Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
18. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
19. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothings wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
20. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
21. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine ... really.
22. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
23. You have enough clothes.
24. You have too many shoes.
25. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
26. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Enough said.
Cat, this is hilarious! Thanks for the laughs. I'm a female, and I actually agree with most of your statements. LOVE the last crack about sleeping on the sofa being like camping. ROTFL!
I don't get the toilet seat gripe from some guys. When they're doing other business are they doing it with the seat up? Probably not. The dh would leave it up in the beginning of our relationship. Once I went into the bathroom in the middle of the night, didn't bother turning the lights one, and fell in. That was the last time he left it up. I don't like that he stands up while going at all. He's tall and from that distance it makes a mess. Although, I've noticed the past couple of years that he's been changing his ways a bit since bathroom cleaning is his chore.
It appears women's ignorance of the male anatomy has surfaced again. The fact is most men do not intentionally miss while urinating, there's a thing called overspray. It does not stream out in a perfect stream with no extraneous droplets going their own direction. If you spray water in a stream you will notice some goes its merry own way. If you were living in my house you would get use to the fact that I close both lids or get used to having a larger problem on your hands.
I often wonder why a woman would back her ass up to something in complete darkness. I'm sure your ass doesn't appreciate that anymore than your toes do walking through a dark house.
It appears women's ignorance of the male anatomy has surfaced again. The fact is most men do not intentionally miss while urinating, there's a thing called overspray. It does not stream out in a perfect stream with no extraneous droplets going their own direction. If you spray water in a stream you will notice some goes its merry own way. If you were living in my house you would get use to the fact that I close both lids or get used to having a larger problem on your hands.
Of course, both lids should be closed. The argument that one or both lids are up during use is not an argument to leave them up. As another poster mentioned, they should be cleaned after use as well.
Quote:
I often wonder why a woman would back her ass up to something in complete darkness. I'm sure your ass doesn't appreciate that anymore than your toes do walking through a dark house.
I walk barefoot through the house as well at night with the lights off. I have certain expectations that there won't be anything in my path that I should worry about. I'm surprised some find it odd to walk around in the dark at night. I guess I don't want to acclimate to the light so I don't fully wake up.
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Put the LID down and that solves more than a gender war.
