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You two could have a perfectly good relationship for a long time, but the second she becomes more available, he'll be gone. He'll also continue to lie about it before and after it happens. If you can live with that, then stick with him.
I think you're both at fault here, and you've gotten into a vicious cycle where both are equally stubborn, and nothing will come of it. It's hard to say how you guys talk about it in your post, but frankly, in this situation I think you need to be the one who backs off for now. Ask yourself if you care enough to be able to trust he won't do anything wrong, if you do, let it go. If you don't, maybe it's time to question the entire relationship.
I disagree with the posters who say cut and run, no question, though. It might just be a breakdown in communications, and it's not like he's cheated on you, to the best of your knowledge.
[SIZE=2][SIZE=2]I have a great boyfriend, that I have been with for 2 years now.
During the spring time we broke up for 3 months.
He meet a girl from the Caribbean that was here for her modeling career.
They became very close during the 2 months that they became friends.
They went on occasional dates and hooked up once.
Shortly after she left, we became a couple again.
My problem is that he refuses to stop talking to this girl.
He keeps in contact with her via BBM, Facebook, and Email.
There has been a couple of times where he has "liked" her swim suit
photos on FB, which has really upset me.
I have asked him on many occasions to stop talking with this girl, but he doesn't
think that he should have to due to my insecurities. He even lied and said that he had
deleted her from his BBM, he said he told me this lie because he didn't want to hurt my feelings.
There was even a time when I had questioned him about something she wrote on his FB wall and he placed my profile on Limited so I couldn't see what people (her) were writing on his wall........
I really do love this guy, but when it comes to his girl, all we do is argue.
Besides this issue we get along great, and we have even talked about living together
What bothers me the most is how defensive he gets when I mention her name and how he doesn't respect
my feelings when it comes to this issue.
What should I do? I knw this issue is small in comparision to others, but it eats me alive at times
Am I over re-acting even though she lives in another country? Should I get over it and trust my boyfriend fully?
Plus, there is always the passibility of her returning again this summer.....
[/SIZE][/SIZE]
You sound so young. He is going to make time for as many women as he can make time for. He would have 10 other pretty women at his disposal if there were 10 interested in him. If he had the time, and none of the ten knew about the others, he would treat them all as if they were the only one.
I think you need to move on. You two are not married. If his being committed to you only is important to you, then HE should know that, and if HE doesn't honor that, forget him. Have the courage to walk away from a guy who does not honor you in the manner you deserve.
It sounds like there is someone else better for you and the sooner you drop this guy, the sooner you will encounter the better person.
Why do I feel this question will be asked of my ex husband's and my relationship? And rightly asked from either side. I don't love him, but I do talk to him too much. 5 hrs a week on the phone with the ex wife to talk about non practical stuff is not good, yet I still stay on the phone....
Looks like he really doesn't want to end their friendship/contact. You have to decide if this is something you want to deal with.
Exactly
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alyssa_24
Besides this issue we get along great, and we have even talked about living together
But you don't get along great - you have this issue.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alyssa_24
What bothers me the most is how defensive he gets when I mention her name and how he doesn't respect
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alyssa_24
my feelings when it comes to this issue.
And you don't respect his. He has made it clear he is going to continue talking to her online even to blocking you from seeing what she posts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alyssa_24
What should I do? I knw this issue is small in comparision to others, but it eats me alive at times.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alyssa_24
Am I over re-acting even though she lives in another country? Should I get over it and trust my boyfriend fully?
Why on earth would you want to trust him? Hasn't he made it clear to you? He has lied, blocked you, kept information from you. That is earning trust?
Trust is not something to expect, it is something to earn. It can be UNearned in a second. Or at least it should be.
The point is not whether he will cheat, has cheated, or will cheat; and it isn't dependent upon your definition of cheating. TRUST shouldn't be given when there are lies.
Either accept the relationship and know that he will keep parts of it secret - and probably parts of other relationships secret. Along with who knows what else he doesn't share with you.
HE doesn't trust YOU enough to be honest and open with you.
But yeah, it's a great relationship, if you like lies and deception and arguments and hidden agendas. Moving in together will only exacerbate those situations.
Last edited by NY Annie; 02-26-2010 at 07:53 PM..
Reason: Formatting
Hmmm, I have had a similar issue, just a little different. A guy I was with had a friend who insisted on flirting with him and throwing herself at him when she knew good and well that we were involved. I told him that this bothered me because she obviously did not respect our relationship or my feelings. He didn't see the problem, he insisted it wasn't a big deal which was also disrespectful to my feelings. I had to make it VERY clear to him that this was not acceptable.
You draw the line in the sand - let him decide which side he wants to stand on.
He met her while you were broke up, so he did nothing wrong. But it is wrong for him to lie to you later and he probably knows that. Something about her interests him or he wouldn't hang on. Is there a reason you can't begin dating someone else? The fact that you love him has no bearing on this issue, because he doesn't love you enough to re-commit to you. As long as you are available he probably won't commit to you alone. Remember one thing, neither of you own the other, not even if you are married. Ownership and jealousy has no place in a relationship, if you expect it to last. You might not want to give him all the slack he needs, but if you try to rein him in he is either going to leave or continue to lie to you.
well u said u love him ..then ignore the situation and live with it .. dont let him take u for granted and in that case ..give him a last time 1st warning ..or first time the last warning
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