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Old 02-27-2010, 08:51 PM
 
Location: North America
1,089 posts, read 2,393,786 times
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Quasar, just how comfortable with her are you? Are you nervous about clearly telling her you're interested in her as more than a friend? The thing with a lot of people is that they view a "date" so casually that even if you ask "Would you like to go out on a date with me?" she could still view it as a friends-only "date".

If you're cool with it I'd suggest coming right out and telling her you'd like to explore being more than friends, and see how she responds.
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Old 02-27-2010, 08:56 PM
 
19 posts, read 23,140 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cuinlalaland View Post
Quasar, just how comfortable with her are you? Are you nervous about clearly telling her you're interested in her as more than a friend? The thing with a lot of people is that they view a "date" so casually that even if you ask "Would you like to go out on a date with me?" she could still view it as a friends-only "date".

If you're cool with it I'd suggest coming right out and telling her you'd like to explore being more than friends, and see how she responds.
I'd say, I'm comfortable but, maybe not THAT comfortable. Mainly because I don't really know how she feels besides what I've explained here. And also, if it doesn't work out than, I don't want the friendship to be awkward.

I'm going to ask her to the movie (hopefully) and just make it clear after asking that "you know, I'm trying to ask you out and not just hang out. Are you cool with that?" I'm pretty sure that she can get the idea if I say this...
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Old 02-27-2010, 09:03 PM
 
851 posts, read 3,618,705 times
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It looks to me that you did not set up your date properly, nor did you escalate properly if you did escalate at all. By escalation I mean from light touching, to holding hands to hugging and kissing, to even more. Personally I LOVE the friend zone - I am always a good friend to my girls.

Oh, it's absolutely no-no to say "I am trying to ask you out..." It only works if the girl is clearly into you but not sure if you like her.

Here's a few paragraph from my article "How To Set Up A Date." If you care to read, I'll send you the whole thing. I also have one on how to carry out a date.

---
The first few dates are extremely important because they set up the frame about how you interact with your girl from that point on.

After you get a phone number, email etc., you want to set up a date with her. A typical AFC move would be "I'll hit her up and maybe see if she wants to go out somewhere." Remember the alpha male leads and the rest of group follow.

Prerequisites:

1)You need to line up something exciting and romantic for your target.

Women want an exciting and romantic experience (see also What Women Want.) It is imperative that you make the date exciting for HER, not for you. "Experience" means something unique and fun that she will remember. If you read "The Art of Seduction," none of the seducers starts with "Oh, let's just hang." No matter how interesting you are, until you two really connect, it's next to impossible to pull off. “Dazzle the target” should be the objective of your date. It should be something local and not require too much driving. Obviously, unless she is a diehard football fun, the idea of beers and football is as bad as it can get. Please do not "invite her to my party." I cannot even start to describe how much my girls hate going to my parties or hanging out with my friends. I'd probably never get any girl, had I tried to invite her to my party. Dating is one-on-one which means only you and her, not your friends plus her or her friend plus you. Go fly solo with her!

On the other hand, you do not have to and should not spend a lot of money, but you do need to be original and unpredictable. I always use one of my experiences as an example.

I was traveling in a city where a girl agreed to meet me in a coffee shop for an hour after lunch time. She said she had plans for the rest of the afternoon and couldn't stay very long. Obviously this statement had a subtext of “If I don’t find you interesting, I am leaving ASAP.” This was a classic non-date, and I love non-date. We met and said hi to each other. Before we ordered anything from the coffee shop, I asked her if she really liked coffee. I said I knew the best place for coffee and then proceeded to take her to the tallest building in the world (at that time), where we sat by its window overseeing the largest lake in the North America. In that sunny afternoon, the view from the top was truly breathtaking!!! Who cares about the coffee by then? The one hour non-date ended after the midnight.

I hope you get my point by now. If you don't have anything exciting around you, make something up and keep it up. Have you watched the movie "Hitch?" See how original Will Smith's move on the girl for the first date? Taking her to the Ellis Island to see where her ancestors were from! Who would think of that? Even the date tanked and didn't go as planned, it still made a great impression - although the Hitch didn't see that way and thought he failed, but I thought he succeeded. Without a doubt, it’s an exciting experience for the girl.

Last edited by TheStupid; 02-27-2010 at 09:14 PM..
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Old 03-01-2010, 09:21 AM
 
19 posts, read 23,140 times
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Alright, a little update. Unfortunately we didn't end up meeting yesterday so I didn't pop the question. Hopefully I can see her sometime during the week.

I just really hope its not too late since we haven't brought up the Valentine's day thing after ..seeing her twice after.

I've tried to get her out several times but she couldn't make it due to what seemed like reasonable excuses. My guess is that she thinks its just a friendly invite since I haven't really asked her out and made it clear that I wanna take her out...
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Old 03-01-2010, 11:30 AM
 
3,175 posts, read 3,642,418 times
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I would hang out somewhere that has dancing, when it comes to a slow song, hold her close and feel her vibes.
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Old 03-01-2010, 11:53 AM
 
19 posts, read 23,140 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mag32gie View Post
I would hang out somewhere that has dancing, when it comes to a slow song, hold her close and feel her vibes.
It has been awhile since we all friends gone out dancing but, last time we went, we would grind for a bit and then she would run away and dance with other friends in a group and sometimes with other Guy friends.
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Old 03-01-2010, 11:58 AM
 
20,577 posts, read 19,242,830 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Quasar06 View Post
So, I asked out a girl (who is also kind of a recent friend and met thru other mutual friends) on Valentine's day knowing she was working late on both days of the Valentine's day weekend. When I asked, she replied saying she doesn't know if she can make it this (Valentine's day) weekend but, maybe she can go grab some food next week.

So, I took that as a rejection and didn't reply to her until next day morning. Then when I delayed the response (text), she kept initiating the conversations through texts for 2 days after I asked. And we both text back and forth. The subject of me asking never was brought up by her or me after that. So, I figured she was maybe trying to save the friendship by initiating the conversations and trying to get me out. So, we meet up for a citywide event get together and hang out. I meet up with her and we hang alone for about an hour and then one of her guy friends meets us for the rest of the night. Again, no mention of the asking out question. Just playing it cool and having random chit-chat.

So, right now its 1.5wks after last we met although, we did text back and forth. And today we finally meet up for something and she was like it's been awhile since I've seen you. I said "yeah". And I also think that she "hangs" out with me more than other "guy" friends in the group. She hangs out with them but, not one-on-one basis... Sometimes alone but, mostly in a group setting. I think I've hung with her more one-on-one, tho.

So, my question is: Did I interpret her response incorrectly? And should I ask her out again and make sure that the word "Date" is included to make clear that I want to take her out and not just another hang out?

Thanks,

Hi Quasar06,

My take is that if you don't start womanizing, you will become one of those orbital boy friends she keeps around to carry the shopping bag and walk her poodle. That was never a good role for me.
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Old 03-01-2010, 08:28 PM
 
851 posts, read 3,618,705 times
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I guess, Quasar06, you didn't read my post. Oh, well, one can only teach so much.
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Old 03-01-2010, 08:34 PM
 
Location: San Antonio
257 posts, read 532,385 times
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You can lead the horse to water.....
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Old 03-01-2010, 08:52 PM
 
19 posts, read 23,140 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheStupid View Post
I guess, Quasar06, you didn't read my post. Oh, well, one can only teach so much.
Quote:
Originally Posted by raa1371 View Post
You can lead the horse to water.....
No, I DID read your post and thank you! I do agree with it. But I can't really do anything at this point when I didn't even see her yesterday as I was expecting.

So, the next time I see her, I'll make it clear that I want to take her out and then figure out a place that is unique...
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