Non-addicts: Would you date a recovering addict? (personality, divorced, couple)
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I just recently had a first date with a guy who revealed to me that he had some past addiction issues with several drugs (including hard ones). He said he had been to rehab and has his life together these days, but I think his dark past might be a bit too much for me. It sucks because I felt the chemistry was there (and it's NEVER there with the nice, non-drug using guys that I usually go out with. lol), and though I do believe people can change, I don't think I should knowingly get involved with someone with a drug past. Relationships are hard enough and I don't want a drug issue to potentially make things even harder.
I could have written this. My husband was older then myself when I meet him. He was very worldly and I was very naive. He was an heroin addict but wasn't when I meet him. A couple of years later, he started drinking and our marriage ended. We were always friends and he died about 15 years ago from his addiction. Luckily, my kids do not have any addiction problems.
What people don't realize is even though the addict might not be an addict anymore, if they have children, he can pass that gene down to them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna
Absolutely not!
My first husband was a recovering heroin addict, he had quit quite a few years prior to us meeting. It never seemed to be a problem until probably around the 9th year of our relationship. He started hanging out with people who drank a lot and his 'addict genes' kicked back in and within 2 years he went from being a social drinker to an all out alcoholic. He drank every day for 2 and a half years before I had had enough and left him.
In retrospect I didn't see the warning signs that he had the potential to change his drug of addiction. I was young when we met and I had no experience of addiction in my family.
I worked in Methadone Treatment as an RN and I met many Counselors who were recovering addicts, so I know there are people who work at it and really do recover, but for me, once burned, twice shy.
I completely disagree with the statement that I either bolded or colored.
Addicts can be very manipulative; you're saying that all addicts, even those in recovery, are manipulative.
If an addict stole to support their habit, you're saying that they'll be a thief throughout their lives.
Your statement is entirely too broad. That makes it entirely incorrect.
Had you used the word "may" I could agree with you. But you didn't. You said with authority that all addicts have brain damage and never let go of behaviors.
I'm sure there would be studies to back up your assertions, otherwise, these statements are simply your opinion.
Sorry but I disagree with you. She's not saying they would be manipulative or go on stealing.
It's other traits that are very hard for an addict to break. The emotional, maturity,and personality levels are somewhat behind with their peers.
Addicts are comfortable being around dysfunction more so then most people.
They also seem to continue enabling some bad habits within their circle.
But again, it depends on their family structure while growing up and how long they were addicts.
As mentioned, it depends on what for starters, and also depends on the person's willpower. I've seen a few people relapse, and relapse on different things. Some of them just thought they were hot ****, while another great friend of mine genuinely wanted to change and has been struggling and honestly trying. He has still relapsed, but his gf is still with him, because you can genuinely see he is trying hard. Another big thing is that what he does isn't good, but it doesn't turn him abusive or unable to cope. I still wish him the best, but I know it comes and goes when he wants to use.
It sucks because I felt the chemistry was there (and it's NEVER there with the nice, non-drug using guys that I usually go out with. lol),
That's exactly what happened to me with a guy I recently dated, who was in recovery!!! I haven't been excited about anyone else I've been out with lately. He was very positive and had great energy (not to mention that he was absolutely gorgeous), which I think had something to do with his 12-step program.
I grew up around addiction, so it's nothing new to me. I've never had an addiction, but I'm certainly no stranger to it. For me, part of the appeal of someone who'd had an addiction is that he would understand and not judge the chaos that I grew up with. But there is always that concern for relapse, which I can't overlook. Still, I know plenty of people who never looked back once they got sober.
That's exactly what happened to me with a guy I recently dated, who was in recovery!!! I haven't been excited about anyone else I've been out with lately. He was very positive and had great energy (not to mention that he was absolutely gorgeous), which I think had something to do with his 12-step program.
Yes, it's very unfortunate. It pains me to have to not see this guy again because it's rare that I actually like someone and he does seem to be doing well, but I have too much to lose to open myself up to that kind of situation. I've never done drugs myself or (knowingly) associated with anyone who has, and I'd just rather keep it that way. This situation has never come up before in my dating life, but now that it has, I think I'm going to have to make it a dealbreaker from now on.
I used to be a heavy drinker while I was never an addict it took it's toll on me & those around me. It's a tough question what was said person addicted to? How long have they been clean, etc? I don't truly believe you can recover from some drugs. The people I've known who stopped doing one drug found something else to feed thier addiction.
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