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I see the situation as being totally different - I think he saw you were still posting ads and thinks you are another Craig's List skank. This may be an unfair characterization, but there are a lot of sleezy men and women on CL... I call it the Skank Bank. Or he may simply think you are not a woman of any particular quality if you are posting multiple ads on CL. Come on, it's CL. When the cost of entry is free, you get a higher percentage of the dreg's of society.
PS I am not saying YOU are a skank. But there are enough skanks on there that it isn't unreasonable for the thought to cross a person's mind.
I can see this, however, he predicated noticing my ad with how good it was. Maybe that is what he was thinking, but he certainly didn't present it that way. The F-you with the smile, maybe? Could be.
I am well aware of the caveats of CL, by the way. I fully expected to get splattered with yuck. The benefit to me was that it made the good guys stand out.
I can see this, however, he predicated noticing my ad with how good it was. Maybe that is what he was thinking, but he certainly didn't present it that way. The F-you with the smile, maybe? Could be.
I am well aware of the caveats of CL, by the way. I fully expected to get splattered with yuck. The benefit to me was that it made the good guys stand out.
Honestly my impression of CL is, the better the ad, the higher the skank risk.
Maybe he feels the same way.
ETA: "Surely with all your ads you should be coming up with some good prospects to check out, at least I am not responding to them, thinking it may be another person, I must say you do create a nice ad, very inviting ;o) I hope you can see I have a sense of humor even if we do not meet for awhile, have a great night, "
yep, I think my theory is highly plausible, that he thought you were too high of a skank risk. Hey, it may not be fair, but the internet makes it easy to settle on things in your mind.
This last incident with psycho boy had me going through the "loser" list of emails (I labeled them "LOSER" so I'd know to avoid them if they wrote again), just to find a good story that was worth posting about.
There was a time when I posted on Craigslist, a few years back, in the "women seeking men" section. I was flooded with emails, about 90% were trashed off the bat. This man was one of the few that remained.
In getting to know one another, we had some challenges with him looking for every excuse to bail (I'll give examples later if anyone wants them.). I finally told him, politely, that we were having a breakdown in communication and I wished him well. He said he was just nervous, as he had never done this before and thanked me for taking the time to talk to him. I saw much deeper issues, but it didn't really matter at that point.
He wrote back a couple of months later wanting to give it another shot. I reminded him of our issues before and he said he felt more comfortable. We communicated for a couple of days, made plans to meet, though it wouldn't be for another week, and kept chatting in the meantime. No issues on the communication end, a good thing.
One week turned into two, which was fine, I was in no rush. But, I was still posting my ad. He saw it and wrote to me asking if it was me. I said, "Yes, it is. Why?" He never responded. He wrote a few emails after just to say hello, asked how my day was going, things like that. Then he sent another email about my ad again:
"Surely with all your ads you should be coming up with some good prospects to check out, at least I am not responding to them, thinking it may be another person, I must say you do create a nice ad, very inviting ;o) I hope you can see I have a sense of humor even if we do not meet for awhile, have a great night, "
The message I am getting from this is that he is following my ads and wants me to know this, and he is somewhat offended that I am still posting when he isn't looking for anyone else. This is disturbing to me. Still, trying to keep an open mind, I asked him AGAIN, why is he doing this? What is his point? This was his response:
"geez you are a very sensitive person, but apparently you are not finding what you want and continue to place ads, i guess we both know this is not going to work, obviously we both want something but from your responses you are not the one I am looking for, I want a fun, humorous, flirty, sexy person to be around. I will not bother you anymore, and the best to you, bye"
Obviously, I had not found what I wanted since I agreed to meet with him. I had already confirmed that I was still posting. Asking him why he is, for the second time, writing to me about my ads has nothing to do with not being sexy, fun, humorous, etc. He never answered my question, instead he chose to focus on how I interpreted it and laid it on me for beng "too sensitive".
How would you process this?
1. I think that you knew right away that this guy wasn't the right one for you. You need to pay attention to your instincts more and not make excuses for how you feel. (Notice I highlighted in red where you typed that "we" had some challenges when it was actually "you" who had the reservations from the beginning about his personality not meshing with yours. You even summed it up by saying that he had some "deeper issues".
2. After a lapse in communication over a few months you decided albeit against your better judgment to restart something with this guy (you wasted valuable time on someone who you knew wasn't your type). I do think that when he made the effort to rekindle something that he probably thought he would string you along for a few weeks to see if you were as interested and/or serious about him (which would mean not posting anything else on Craigslist). When he noticed you were still posting that's when he decided that you were playing games with him he said, "you are not finding what you want and continue to place ads".
Finally, I hope you're free of this guy.
I don't think very often that you will find a man on Craigslist who isn't an armchair observer in many parts of his life. From what you have described this guy is passive for sure, but I don't think I can say that it's passive-aggressive behavior on his part. Your actions made him feel insecure in the way you continued to engage him, and you knew full well from the beginning that you were not suited to each other and yet still gave him the impression you were interested to see him. When he saw that you were continuing to post on Craigslist, that's when he realized that you were not serious about him and treated his interest casually. I think he probably had his feelings a little hurt from that.
The procrastinator never gets the girl. He's probably somewhere still searching Craigslist for someone else to engage then string along.
1. I think that you knew right away that this guy wasn't the right one for you. You need to pay attention to your instincts more and not make excuses for how you feel. (Notice I highlighted in red where you typed that "we" had some challenges when it was actually "you" who had the reservations from the beginning about his personality not meshing with yours. You even summed it up by saying that he had some "deeper issues".
You're right. I should have never given it another shot.
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I do think that when he made the effort to rekindle something that he probably thought he would string you along for a few weeks to see if you were as interested and/or serious about him (which would mean not posting anything else on Craigslist). When he noticed you were still posting that's when he decided that you were playing games with him he said, "you are not finding what you want and continue to place ads".
That's what I was thinking.
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Finally, I hope you're free of this guy.
Oh yes, this was about 3 years ago.
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I don't think very often that you will find a man on Craigslist who isn't an armchair observer in many parts of his life. From what you have described this guy is passive for sure,
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but I don't think I can say that it's passive-aggressive behavior on his part.
Well, in trying to keep the OP short (and it didn't happen) I didn't reveal all the details. I responded to that last communication with how he had chosen to make this my damage as opposed to answering my question. He said I was "fishing" and we really don't know one another. I told him when he does not answer a direct question, twice, the only choice I have is to "fish" and form my own conclusions. He went from I was reading too much into it, to how I like to play games, to how he is probably missing out on a sweet girl and finally how crazy I am. *shrug* That is also where I get the passive aggressive from. Mainly it comes from him passing it off as humor, when it is clear, to me, that he was bothered by it.
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Your actions made him feel insecure in the way you continued to engage him, and you knew full well from the beginning that you were not suited to each other and yet still gave him the impression you were interested to see him.
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When he saw that you were continuing to post on Craigslist, that's when he realized that you were not serious about him and treated his interest casually. I think he probably had his feelings a little hurt from that.
I was interested in getting to know him, sure. I would not have agreed to give it another shot if I wasn't. How he read into it was a whole other story, yes. IMO, how he could read it as anything but casual is off to me. How he would interpret giving it another shot as being "serious", outside of taking the opportunity to get better acquainted seriously, is creepy. We had never met, I had no obligations to stop posting. Why would I put all my eggs in one basket, especially online, with a virtual stranger? It is all in how we all perceive things, of course.
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The procrastinator never gets the girl. He's probably somewhere still searching Craigslist for someone else to engage then string along.
If I understood correctly this is nut job that's harassing you, He doesn't sound passive aggressive. He toyed with you bc you didn't pull your ad, he knew you were filling in your time until you had other prospects. Whether you should have agreed to see him is hindsight now.
What an angry person though, jeezz, definately has mental health issues. He'll eventually go away. You can handle him and have a lot of support here.
If I understood correctly this is nut job that's harassing you, He doesn't sound passive aggressive. He toyed with you bc you didn't pull your ad, he knew you were filling in your time until you had other prospects. Whether you should have agreed to see him is hindsight now.
What an angry person though, jeezz, definately has mental health issues. He'll eventually go away. You can handle him and have a lot of support here.
This is a guy from about 3 years ago that I plucked out of my emails to post here about. Just wondered what everyone thought of his commenting on my ads, how you'd perceive it. It creeped me out.
something about male psychology causes us to put women on a pedastal before we even know too much about them. i read this in an article from a psychology journal that someone posted a while back, and it mirrors what i have seen anecdotally. men make a mental/emotional investment prior to even approaching a woman, where she waits until much later in the process.
I find this a little hard to believe. While it has been my experience many times, it doesn't appear to be all that common when I read other women's stories or men's opinions... I've always thought women are more guilty of this approach. Either I'm correct or something's not quite right with my own chromosomes, which is something I've always suspected...
I find this a little hard to believe. While it has been my experience many times, it doesn't appear to be all that common when I read other women's stories or men's opinions... I've always thought women are more guilty of this approach. Either I'm correct or something's not quite right with my own chromosomes, which is something I've always suspected...
i think one of our very own forum members illustrates the concept well enough, don't you think? not using any names, here, though.
but it makes sense to me. it may not make sense to women, because they would be most frequently approached by the bold male minority. on the internet, though, that shy, creepy majority really comes out of the wood work, doesn't it?
Last edited by le roi; 03-05-2010 at 09:51 AM..
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I'm confused what he means, I didn't trace that in you and read many of your posts too.
not using any names, here, though.
