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I don't think anyone can "control" who they fall in love with. If your sister is happy, then I wouldn't worry about what others thought. One can talk about "pre-existing conditions" all they want but what it boils down to is anybody can get sick at anytime. They healthiest person can still get cancer and an unhealthy person may live to be 100 (not likely but I'm just making a point). It's not like when I started dating my husband I asked him what were his pre-existing health conditions. Ask any of the friends who are being so judgmental if they do that to their dates. Geez.
I don't think anyone can "control" who they fall in love with. If your sister is happy, then I wouldn't worry about what others thought. One can talk about "pre-existing conditions" all they want but what it boils down to is anybody can get sick at anytime. They healthiest person can still get cancer and an unhealthy person may live to be 100 (not likely but I'm just making a point). It's not like when I started dating my husband I asked him what were his pre-existing health conditions. Ask any of the friends who are being so judgmental if they do that to their dates. Geez.
Relax, Foma. It's a figure of speech.
Also, you missed the point. Please re-read what I wrote. It has to do with risk and lifestyle. It is not "judgmental" to prefer to date someone with enough self-respect to take care of himself.
As you say, anyone can get sick at any time. I know this, myself. But when you're asking for it by trashing your body, sorry, no. Others don't have to find that attractive.
Avienne, I wrote my post without even reading your post or anybody else's for that matter. My post was my own person opinion and not in response to what anybody else said.
I will not date anyone that smokes cigarettes, drinks excessively or who lives an unhealthy lifestyle. If they have a pre-existing condition, they'd better be upfront about their condition right from the get go. I would not want to have a relationship with a man that keeps his health issue from me in hopes that I fall in love with him first before knowing the whole truth about him. Having a health issue isn't a deal breaker for me, but it depends on how he is dealing with it and his prognosis. And if it's an expensive condition, then I wouldn't marry him and have to be liable for his medical debts. But I still might be his longtime companion. It really depends though on how well we get along and what else he brings to the relationship.
Miu - I think what you said is fair but just a general question since everyone seems to share the same or similar sentiments, when should the person be up front about his/her health issues? First date? Second? Twentieth? When is the appropriate time to bring this up? This is very intriguing to me for some reason. I'm stuck with my husband - through sickness and health - the vows have been said and the contract signed so we're both locked in!
I'd like to know about his health issues on the first date, or even before. As I've posted before, I prefer to be platonic friends first with the men I have relationships with.
If he's a diabetic or a recovering alcoholic, I'd think that it would be natural for him to say something about during our first meal together.
I just think that it's terribly unfair to the other person to hide this sort of information in the beginning stages of the friendship/relationship. And if the other person has the maturity and kindness to continue the dating process, then that's major points for them. Otherwise, the alternative is for both to be serious and in love, then to test that love with the truth... and that seems very sneaky to me, like hiding an infertility problem or children from a previous relationship. I just think that it's always best for both parties to be upfront and completely honest with each other from the start. If the other person can't handle it, then they are lousy relationship material anyway and why waste any time with them at all?
And we don't have control over who we have a crush on. But I feel that true love happens over time.
I wanted to also add that hiding a health problem is like not being upfront with having a bad credit history or rating. These are all factors that have a big and lasting impact on what kind of life that a couple will have together. All problems can be managed, but in all fairness to the other partner, they need to be able to have a good think about whether or not they want to compromise their future lifestyle with that problem They need to have that choice, it shouldn't be dumped on them later on and they certainly shouldn't be made to feel guilty or called shallow if they decide to pass on the relationship because of those issues.
And maybe, someone that has health issues or a bad credit rating just has to work harder at being a great companion because their faults. They better have a good sense of humour about life and not be a complainer, and maybe they are a good listener, give great back and foot massages, or they are a great cook. The person that has a bad credit rating better learn how to budget, have a second job in order to have a savings account and a plan to better their rating. It's just not enough to be upfront about ones' faults and then ask to be loved despite all of that. Sure, everyone deserves love, but be appreciative to anyone that overlooks major faults and is willing to continue in the relationship. And that person better be working hard to have the best quality of life possible and to not be a burden to their loved ones.
Location: Los Angeles>Little Rock>Houston>Little Rock
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I met and fell in love with my husband knowing he was in remission from a rare and aggressive form of cancer. I married him after we found out his cancer had come back and he was facing life-changing surgery and treatment.
His surgery was 5 months after we married. I spent the next 6 months caring for his wounds, tube feeding him, and doing things I never thought I could do. He is doing well now, but still requires some special care. He has to go back for testing every three months and it is always nerve wracking waiting for the results.
I've never had second thoughts or regretted it for a minute.
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