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Do those with an emotional affair with a computer count?
Do you mean an online affair? Yeah, I think those could be an emotional affair too. Anything where you are talking to someone and sharing with a person WITHOUT your significant other's knowledge is usually an EA or at least the beginning of one.
Kinda sorta. But it was quite one-sided. I met her on my first day at work for a new department. I was instantly intrigued, finding her both alluring and somewhat exotic. She, on the other hand was cold, distant and anything but friendly and welcoming. Some little voice inside me said, "I'll fix that."
As it turned out, over the next three years we ended up working together a lot and we developed mutual admiration and respect for one another. However, it was all quite businesslike and appropriate. We became work friends, only, never saw one another anywhere else and besides, I was married and had been for 25 years plus, the lady and I worked together. Nothing would or could come of it. Still, I remained intrigued.
Then my wife left me for greener pastures. Shortly thereafter my work friend promoted to another agency and while we still kept in touch professionally and collaborated periodically, that was all there was to it.
Two years later I decided to attempt a bit of a social life. I asked my friend out for brunch. She accepted, hesitantly, having been divorced for 18 years and not having dated at all for 12. She was wary but she said, "Yes!" We were married two months later and that was over 13 years ago.
Do you mean an online affair? Yeah, I think those could be an emotional affair too. Anything where you are talking to someone and sharing with a person WITHOUT your significant other's knowledge is usually an EA or at least the beginning of one.
Well not exactly..I meant a person who develops feelings for the computer itself It just struck me as a possibility that may occur as more and more people turn to the computer to satisfy their urges and desires.
Wow, emotional attachments r easy to form hard to break. I have no quick fix. I think breaking such attachments is a process u actively work at. U can't avoid work interaction, but u can avoid having personal lunches or exchanges. Don't go shopping with money in your pocket if u don't want to buy. Good luck to the OP. It sounds like u r doing the right thing.
Thanks for your comments & helpful suggestions. We never go to lunch together or spend time alone together anymore other than required work things such as a recent funeral but we went in a group.
Well not exactly..I meant a person who develops feelings for the computer itself It just struck me as a possibility that may occur as more and more people turn to the computer to satisfy their urges and desires.
I know what you are saying. I don't know if you can have an "emotional" affair w/a computer. Its probably more of an addiction. Unless they are chatting w/someone online, which is happening A LOT!
my wife has had at least two of these. I havn't forgiven her. I resent her for it. She keeps meeting these guys at work and carries on the relationships through texts, I.M.s and emails. She lies to them about her relationship status saying things like she is going on a trip with her 'roommate," when she is talking about me, her husband. When I catch her she apologizes, but its not confincing. I am a handsome guys and i am very nice. I give my wife whatever she wants but she treats me like crap. When we talk about it she says she needs something new and adventurous. We are the most adventurous couple i know and yet she seeks more? If you are doing this to your husband- stop right now. Make him some brownies and seduce him. Apologize and mean it. Never ever do it again. I will forgive her once she is truly sorry for it and tries daily to repair the damage.
my wife has had at least two of these. I havn't forgiven her. I resent her for it. She keeps meeting these guys at work and carries on the relationships through texts, I.M.s and emails. She lies to them about her relationship status saying things like she is going on a trip with her 'roommate," when she is talking about me, her husband. When I catch her she apologizes, but its not confincing. I am a handsome guys and i am very nice. I give my wife whatever she wants but she treats me like crap. When we talk about it she says she needs something new and adventurous. We are the most adventurous couple i know and yet she seeks more? If you are doing this to your husband- stop right now. Make him some brownies and seduce him. Apologize and mean it. Never ever do it again. I will forgive her once she is truly sorry for it and tries daily to repair the damage.
I hate to say it, but emotional affairs, IMHO, are far more dangerous than physical affairs. When my exH had an affair, it wasn't the sex that bothered me ... it was all of the things that he confided in her about, namely me and our marriage. If she were just a "toy," I could have dealt with that a lot easier and even understood it. Things were not very good between us. EAs are devastating because the emotional connection is much harder to break than a physical attachment, which wears itself out after around six months.
I'm sorry that you had to go through that once, much less twice. Why did you stay? Not being contentious ... really want to know.
I know this topic has been done before here, but I'd like to get some candid feedback from the women here. (Feedback from men is of course welcome as well.)
Would it bother you if your mate formed a tight emotional bond with another woman? I ask, because I find myself once again deployed. Being deployed is odd. Those who do it successfully form a substitute "family" to get through the loneliness of being away from their state-side loved ones. I am currently hanging out with a lot of good dudes, brothers if you will, and I enjoy hearing their differing takes on life and getting regular input from a male perspective on the things that are going on around us.
While I feel perfectly sustained by this, I do miss hearing the female perspective too. It would be nice to have a "field wife" out here. There is a woman who is suitable to this purpose, but I'm wondering if I should pursue this. She's married, seemingly happily so, and while she's pretty -- she's not a raving beauty. I don't feel myself overpowered by her charms, if you catch what I'm saying. Her looks are pleasant, but they stop at that.
What is awfully attractive about her is her seeming knowledge and wisdom. I feel I could learn a lot by having long conversations with her. Perhaps I can teach her a few things as well. Her current "field husband" is about to leave the theater, and she has made overtures to me. She has said that she will miss him because it was nice to have a "buddy" over here, and she liked the fact that no one would mistake them for sexual partners. (He's a fairly obese civilian.) She's wrong about that by the way -- when a man and woman pair off in the field, no matter how odd the couple, there are always rumors. Their pairing was no exception. However, she felt safe around him, and in her mind at least, her reputation was assured.
She and I have been joking around here and there and having short, but meaningful, exchanges before this, but this was the first time she sought me out. I take this to mean she's perhaps wondering .. eh, would "he" (meaning me) be a good replacement. I'd like to think that due to my reputation no one would mistake me for cheating on my wife too .. but who knows? (I think those who know me well know I'm just not the type.. friendly yes, but not overly so with JUST the particularly attractive females. I try to chat up everyone -- male and female, youg and old, ugly and pretty -- equally.)
Anyhow, sorry for the length of this. If you were my wife would this bother you? I ask you because I already know what my wife would say. She'd say .. "no"... but I'm not entirely sure of that response because she's the type who would set her feelings aside if she felt that would increase my happiness in these circumstances.
I don't particularly *need* a field wife, but .... I guess one would be nice to have. I don't, however, want one at the expense of my wife's feelings and comfort.
Someone who does not seem that physically attractive initially does become more and more sexually attractive the more you spend time with them and find more admirable traits to consider. The problem is how much emotional affection spills over into physical affection...this is why we hug or pet our friends (of both sexes). It's also a bonding/solidarity thing.
Now, that being said, I don't see anything wrong with men and women being best friends. My best friend in college was a guy, and I had no romantic inclinations towards him at all. If you are asking if it's cool that you become good friends with a woman because her personality is such that you would have been friends with her if she was a guy, then whatever, dude. Fine by me. But if you're purposely seeking out a chick because she is a woman, I'd have to wonder.
Why don't you ask yourself how you'd feel if you were her husband?
Would it bother you if your mate formed a tight emotional bond with another woman? HELL YES!
The reason being; I formed a tight emotional bond with a man and it started innocently enough, but soon..... deeper feelings surfaced. And from there, sexual feelings developed overtime. All the talking, relating, joking around ..... that is the basics for the beginning stages of forming a relationship.
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It just struck me as a possibility that may occur as more and more people turn to the computer to satisfy their urges and desires.
Emotional affairs: real?
