Have you had an Emotional Affair? (wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, how to)

[happygirl10]

I would like to hear from people that have had an emotional affair (EA)? I don't want to hear from people bashing those of us who have been in this situation -- we already know it was wrong. I am looking for help.

What were the circumstances of the EA (how did you meet)? How long did it last? Did you feel you loved the person? Did you SO find out? Did you end up with your affair partner? If it ended, how did you deal with that--I would especially like to know how MEN who have had EA's dealt with the aftermath? Was it difficult for you or did you get over it easily? How did it effect your current relationship? How did it effect you in general? Do you regret it? How hard was it to end contact with your EA partner? Any tips on getting over an EA? (Women feel free to answer too but I have rarely heard from men on this issue so I would like to hear from them)

(I had an EA for about 3 months & we broke it off 5 months ago. I have had a really difficult time getting over him & think about him constantly. Since we work together, I have to see him at least twice a week. We've stayed friends but I feel like I feel in love w/him and miss him so much. I am just curious how others have dealt w/this very painful experience). Thanks.

[CTR36]

You need to stop being friends for him. Staying in touch with him will just prolong the pain. Yes it will pass, but it will take some time. Emotional affairs are sometimes even harder to get over than "physical" ones. I know first hand how it feels. Stop talking to him and if you can avoid him at work or get another job or pray he gets another job. Are you married? Yes I regret it, very very much b/c I hurt my DH. I told him. I keep no secrets from him and he already suspected something was "going on". I won't get into the details but I was very, very young. No excuse but it happened. It took me years to get over it and my DH I don't know if he'll ever get over it but he has forgiven me and we've moved on. I never saw that guy again although sometimes he still crosses my mind.

[happygirl10]

Thanks for the reply & for giving me hope that I will get over this. Neither of us can quit our jobs (we are in unsual jobs so it would almost impossible to find a similar job) so I can't avoid him. The only good thing is that it is would be hard for us to act on anything unless we went out of our way to stay late at work or meet up. But, seeing him is so painful. I cry every time I see him at work. We literally sit right near each other too. He just told me last week that he was in the process of breaking up w/his girlfriend when she told him she was pregant. Then he talked to me for 2 hours about how confused he is. Its been so hard to hear him talking about the pregnancy & to hear him talk about possibly getting married. This is the most painful thing EVER.

[NorCal Dude]

Yea with the tabby cat, and its been makin the old lady pretty upset, I might add. She thinks I spoil her too much.

[yankeegirl313]

Originally Posted by happygirl10

Thanks for the reply & for giving me hope that I will get over this. Neither of us can quit our jobs (we are in unsual jobs so it would almost impossible to find a similar job) so I can't avoid him. The only good thing is that it is would be hard for us to act on anything unless we went out of our way to stay late at work or meet up. But, seeing him is so painful. I cry every time I see him at work. We literally sit right near each other too. He just told me last week that he was in the process of breaking up w/his girlfriend when she told him she was pregant. Then he talked to me for 2 hours about how confused he is. Its been so hard to hear him talking about the pregnancy & to hear him talk about possibly getting married. This is the most painful thing EVER.

You both sit near each other at work, and no possible way for either of you to change depts./areas?
Thats not a good thing, and its not going to help if he is confiding in you about his home life with her.
I don`t know what advice to give you to help you move on, except just leave him alone. Good luck!!

[PassTheChocolate]

Originally Posted by happygirl10

What were the circumstances of the EA (how did you meet)? How long did it last? Did you feel you loved the person? Did you SO find out? Did you end up with your affair partner? If it ended, how did you deal with that

I've had a couple of these, but my relationships, back then, were crappy. Can't really remember how we met but it wasn't at work. I did feel a great attachment to them, but that was because I was being treated so poorly in my relationships. The SO's didn't find out, they suspected, but then they suspected anyone of the opposite sex. I did not end up with them, but I did pull back when I saw it was getting out of hand. To be clear, it wasn't because I was trying to be loyal to my BF at the time. It was because I knew that going any further could hurt the "other man". These things tend to lose their steam when the need for solace and comfort ends, much like a rebound. We found ourselves in that situation as a result of my relationship. It didn't run on it's own fuel. It did hurt, I missed them, but it got better after a while.

[applejuice]

Yep, not good, but I never let it go too far. They were hard to forget and they were always at work.

You need to stop seeing him and confiding in him.

[Ticatica]

What is it about this guy who's leaving the mother of his child that is unshakable? Do you think she's done him wrong? Was their relationship in long decline and the pregnancy accidental? Pregnancy and abandonment don't sound like a winning combination to me.

[Curmudgeon]

Originally Posted by happygirl10

I would like to hear from people that have had an emotional affair (EA)? I don't want to hear from people bashing those of us who have been in this situation -- we already know it was wrong. I am looking for help.

What were the circumstances of the EA (how did you meet)? How long did it last? Did you feel you loved the person? Did you SO find out? Did you end up with your affair partner? If it ended, how did you deal with that--I would especially like to know how MEN who have had EA's dealt with the aftermath? Was it difficult for you or did you get over it easily? How did it effect your current relationship? How did it effect you in general? Do you regret it? How hard was it to end contact with your EA partner? Any tips on getting over an EA? (Women feel free to answer too but I have rarely heard from men on this issue so I would like to hear from them)

Kinda sorta. But it was quite one-sided. I met her on my first day at work for a new department. I was instantly intrigued, finding her both alluring and somewhat exotic. She, on the other hand was cold, distant and anything but friendly and welcoming. Some little voice inside me said, "I'll fix that."

As it turned out, over the next three years we ended up working together a lot and we developed mutual admiration and respect for one another. However, it was all quite businesslike and appropriate. We became work friends, only, never saw one another anywhere else and besides, I was married and had been for 25 years plus, the lady and I worked together. Nothing would or could come of it. Still, I remained intrigued.

Then my wife left me for greener pastures. Shortly thereafter my work friend promoted to another agency and while we still kept in touch professionally and collaborated periodically, that was all there was to it.

Two years later I decided to attempt a bit of a social life. I asked my friend out for brunch. She accepted, hesitantly, having been divorced for 18 years and not having dated at all for 12. She was wary but she said, "Yes!" We were married two months later and that was over 13 years ago.

I guess I fixed it!

[WyoNewk]

I'll bite. Here's the whole love story.

We worked together. Actually, I went to her place of employment as a consultant and was named interim manager a couple weeks later when the manager was fired. What was supposed to be a 2 to 4-week job turned into a 6-month job. She was the office manager and had an office next to mine.

I was near the end of a bad marriage and 400 miles from home, but I'd never cheated on my wife and didn't want to. Still, she was young, beautiful and oh, so witty. And she was constantly inviting me to her home for dinner. I refused her invitations each time.

But then she and a friend of hers, another department manager at work, asked if they could catch a ride with me to a neighboring city 90 minutes away to do some shopping. I had to go there anyway, so I said sure. I was to pick them up at the office after work. Uh huh. When I got there, the friend suddenly had other obligations and couldn't go. The office manager still wanted to ride along. You can guess where this is going.

I dropped her off at the mall and did my stuff, then picked her up an hour or two later and we had dinner. We really had a great time. She had me laughing so hard I almost fell out of my chair. That was the beginning of a very close friendship that lasted for a couple months and involved lots of coffee breaks, lunch breaks and a few dinners. Oh, and me teaching her how to drive a stick shift -- my car. I'd never before enjoyed being with anyone quite as much as with her. Between working -- sometimes nights and weekends -- and off hours, we were spending 12-18 hours a day together.

And then one night at work she playfully backed me into a corner, and it became obvious that she wanted more than friendship. I stopped her advances, but we had a long talk and admitted our feelings for each other. She wanted me to spend the night with her, but I again told her I wouldn't do that as long as I was married. We did kiss goodnight -- one kiss. It was the most passionate kiss I've ever had. My knees actually buckled and I nearly collapsed.

I drove home for the weekend the next day after work, as I had a little job commitment. And while I was gone, she entered the hospital. Seems she was preggers -- by her boyfriend who she had recently left. She felt obligated to go back to him and have his child. And that was the end of our little fling. It hurt terribly. It was (is) the only time I've ever been dumped in a relationship. She remained on my mind for months. But I finished my "consulting" and returned home.

I stopped by her office 18 months later to say hi. I was divorced by then. She'd had her little girl and was engaged to marry the boyfriend, although she said she still wasn't sure about it. He was gone for the week. She again invited me to her home for dinner, this time to meet her little one. Nope. She was still young, beautiful and witty. I didn't trust either of us. Besides that, I'd just met a new gal who I thought was pretty special.

I've never seen nor heard from her since then. But when I think of the women I've loved, she'll always be on that short list. Nobody else has ever made me laugh like she did.