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Have you ever said something in the heat of the moment that you wish you hadn't? Maybe it was something you didn't really mean. Or maybe it was something you did mean, but just didn't want to say out loud.
This is a big reason why I try to avoid confrontation. It's not that I'm afraid of the confrontation itself. It's the fear of saying something I'll regret, something I won't easily be able to take back. I see a lot of couples who get into shouting matches. They don't even pause to think before speaking. They just say whatever pops in their head. It gets ugly really fast and soon each person is just trying to say something more hurtful than what was said to them. It happened to me once. A girl I was dating was upset with me over something I didn't do. Her style of arguing was to shout and hurl accusations. I did my best to keep cool and not let it get me riled up. But finally I lost it and retaliated, saying something that was only partially related to the argument we were having. It was something I had been thinking for a while, but kept to myself. But it came out that day. I regretted saying it and I could tell she was pretty hurt, partly because she knew it was true, but also because it was obvious that I said it to hurt her back for saying awful things to me.
Have you ever had this happen? What did you say and were you able to recover from it? Conversely, did someone ever say something to that they regretted and did you forgive them for it?
It's happened to me plenty. Hell, it happens to lot's of us right here in these very forums.
I've also had people say things to me in the heat of the moment they didn't mean. As an adult we need to use our own judgment, and determine whether or not that person is being sincere in their apology or just apologizing because they hurt you. Sometimes you need to get down to the core of the issue and determine if that's how they truly feel, sometimes they don't even want to admit it to themselves let alone you and they will avoid the issue altogether rather than address it honestly. For the most part, I've been able to resolve things that were said during momentary outbursts. If a person is mature enough, sometimes they can find some truth in what that person said about them and maybe even work on it, rather than demand an apology. It's not always a bad thing despite the awkwardness that may linger for a while.
Have you ever had this happen? What did you say and were you able to recover from it? Conversely, did someone ever say something to that they regretted and did you forgive them for it?
I'm sure I have, but it had to be really long ago. I have, since I was a teen, learned to curb my temper.
I have said some really mean things in the heat of anger, but it was anger and words that were long overdue. Anything I say, you can take to the bank.
I have had plenty of people come at me with things they didn't mean. I knew they didn't mean it because they were simply not true. I used to tolerate it and dismiss it, but I don't anymore. I said it in another thread similar to this one, I don't treat peeople I love this way. I will never let them think it is acceptable to do it to me.
I remember one man in particular. GAWD, he was a wretched angry soul. He said the most God awful things to me all the time. It's not like I never stood up to him, but I curbed my tongue. It would have been more unbecoming of me to say what I really thought. But, when I had finally had it, image went out the window.
I unloaded during the last big argument and it was calm, but it was ugly. Ugly, because every bit of it was true. After things cooled down, I told him I was fed up with the way he treated me and talked to me and I was done. "Oh, come on, Choc! You're so perfect (that was his favorite line)! Like you never say something you don't mean when you are angry!" I calmly turned around and told him that I meant every word I said. I didn't take it back. He stood there, stunned for a moment, and with that typical narcissistic, righteous indignaton, "Don't you EVER talk to me like that again." I assured him I wouldn't.
I remember when my parents used to get into really heated arguments and both of them would escalate the war of words until they both said very hateful and cruel things to each other. It was very stressful for myself and my sisters when we were growing up. They finally got divorced and strangely enough they ended up talking to each other in a more friendly and civil tone of voice after they were divorced than they ever did while they were married. This sort of thing happens all the time and because I hate to argue in the first place it's really never been much of a problem for me.
It's happened to me plenty. Hell, it happens to lot's of us right here in these very forums.
I've also had people say things to me in the heat of the moment they didn't mean. As an adult we need to use our own judgment, and determine whether or not that person is being sincere in their apology or just apologizing because they hurt you. Sometimes you need to get down to the core of the issue and determine if that's how they truly feel, sometimes they don't even want to admit it to themselves let alone you and they will avoid the issue altogether rather than address it honestly.
Great points. To me, it's not so much what they say. It's hurtful, sure, when it comes from someone you care about. But, when someone says something they don't mean they are essentially lying or exaggerating. Even if they feel it is true, it is rarely ever the truth, at least in my experience. I have been in many situations where I calmly explained that they misunderstood what I said or did and they apologized, but it was never the same. I pulled back. What I really have a problem with is the lack of impulse control and emotional immaturity it reveals. That is a sign of things to come. I prefer to skip it.
Have you ever had this happen? What did you say and were you able to recover from it? Conversely, did someone ever say something to that they regretted and did you forgive them for it?
I'm not perfect...I make mistakes. We all make mistakes at times...But I probably won't beat myself up too much if someone gets nasty !nd mean with me first and starts a heated argument.... and starts attacking me first ....If I end up losing my cool I won't feel too bad because I was only trying to protect and defend myself...It's hard to remain cool and calm and collected "under fire." It's best to just walk away and let the other person fuss and fume all by themselves....but this isn't always possible if people live together is it?...I like to be in relationships that don't involve guilt-trips or "emotional blackmail" over what might be said in the heat of anger and hurt....It's good when a couple can re-hash what was said and apologize to each other before too much time passes and the wounds and scars set-in and become deep....How do you feel about it? Good topic and responses.
Hmm, I may regret saying it, but that doesn't mean I didn't think it, and I suspect that's the case with most. Just like "in vino veritas," " in fight veritas"...
i have a problem....i say things that i think--and people can't stand me for it! it eats at me if i don't say it. i spent the better part of 25 years not saying anything i thought, and the last 5 just letting it out. i have to say, i feel better! but i am not so well liked.
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