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Do you ever feel like you do most of the giving in your relationships? What does it mean to "give" or "take?" How would you define it? ...How do you know when things get out of balance?
give and take = compromise. i want to go to the movies, you want to go to the train show. today we go to the train show, next week, we go to the movies.
that is a very simplistic way to put it, but there it is.
when things are out of balance is when one person always goes with what the other wants, even though deep inside they don't really want to do it and are afraid to say so.
Giving can take so many different forms...don't you think? Sometimes giving has to do with gratitude or appreciation...or support and interest in what we do etc...
exactly, as i said, that was a very simplistic example. if one person always tries to make the other feel good, and this person is not getting that in return, then there is a problem
Well I think it you can't talk about it, thats the problem. LTR are not instant return type situations because life does not have instantly fixed situations all the time.
Sometimes it's hard to define what we mean when we ask for more attention...or more support...or more interest in what we do or think or feel etc...Our partner might say: "What are you talking about? I give you lots of time and attention and support."...And this may be true in some respects...but we are looking for something more or different...There are books out today about how we all express love in different ways...It takes time to understand what we all want and need...My husband hates broccoli and I don't like eggs...When I Feel ignored and taken for granted I tell my husband that it feels like he is trying to hand me eggs and feed me eggs when I don't want eggs and need something else from him.....He tells me when it feels like I am trying to feed him broccoli instead of giving him what he really wants and needs at the moment.
The MO for the dh and I is for him to state what he wants to do, I state what I want to do, we both feel bad for the other and start arguing for what the other wants. Then I get annoyed and tell him to go away.
I think it means that both contribute equally to the maintenance/growth of the relationship. It shouldn't be one party who always has to resolve things. It also means that whilst there is a relationship, both parties are individuals and have their own needs and wants.
In this case then, it takes two to tango, so both must hold a stake in making things work.
If you care about someone, then you would want to do what they want just to make them happy. However, the other person should want to do the same for you. If you are always the one giving, then you need to express your feelings. If your partner cares, they will work on it.
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