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Don't settle for the one you can live with - Find the one you can't live without.
I'm 49 and in a 2-month relationship with a man who is a decent, kind man. However, there's not much there for me in the way of physical attraction. He's a great kisser, and it does get my engine revving. However, he dresses sloppy (I've never seen him in anything other than an old t-shirt, khakis, and black tennis shoes), his body type is not attractive to me, and the sex leaves a lot to be desired.
He wants to move forward and I am pretty sure he's on the verge of telling me that he loves me. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. Should I work past the physical drawbacks since we connect emotionally? I'm certainly no beauty queen myself, and he surely looks past that.
Why do you say 1.) deciding if I should settle and 2.) I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. As if those are the only two choices. You owe it to yourself as well as this "kind, decent man" to be true to the relationship. If you're not feeling it, let him know and move on. It's the type of thing a "kind, decent woman" would do. Don't settle for less.
Last edited by Joe the Photog; 09-26-2013 at 07:17 AM..
Reason: Forgot the n't at first.
Don't settle for the one you can live with - Find the one you can't live without.
I'm 49 and in a 2-month relationship with a man who is a decent, kind man. However, there's not much there for me in the way of physical attraction. He's a great kisser, and it does get my engine revving. However, he dresses sloppy (I've never seen him in anything other than an old t-shirt, khakis, and black tennis shoes), his body type is not attractive to me, and the sex leaves a lot to be desired.
He wants to move forward and I am pretty sure he's on the verge of telling me that he loves me. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. Should I work past the physical drawbacks since we connect emotionally? I'm certainly no beauty queen myself, and he surely looks past that.
He dresses sloppy, his body type is not attractive to you, and the sex leaves a lot to be desired. Those are your three problems.
Problem 1: have you asked him to dress better? Tell him you'd like to see him dress better.
Problem 2: if he got into shape, would you like his body type? Or is it height-related?
Problem 3: have you talked to him about improving sex? People seem to be unable to talk to their significant other about improving sex. Don't be one of those people. If you want a better sex life, you need to talk about it. It won't improve if you don't talk about it.
Don't settle for the one you can live with - Find the one you can't live without.
I'm 49 and in a 2-month relationship with a man who is a decent, kind man. However, there's not much there for me in the way of physical attraction. He's a great kisser, and it does get my engine revving. However, he dresses sloppy (I've never seen him in anything other than an old t-shirt, khakis, and black tennis shoes), his body type is not attractive to me, and the sex leaves a lot to be desired.
He wants to move forward and I am pretty sure he's on the verge of telling me that he loves me. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. Should I work past the physical drawbacks since we connect emotionally? I'm certainly no beauty queen myself, and he surely looks past that.
The reality is a lot of women who are not married by your age end up settling.
Settling now is setting yourself up for an unhappy future. You shouldn't go into a relationship with someone if you feel you are settling. Work on yourself and be ready when the right one comes along.
On the other side, I would not want someone to just settle for me either. I'd rather be alone than have a man be with me just because he doesn't want to be alone.
The reality is a lot of women who are not married by your age end up settling.
I'm just a few years older and don't give a rats behind if I marry again or ever have a SO.
OP, there is nothing wrong with being alone as long as you are not lonely. Do not settle. The emotional connection will not be enough for a strong marriage. What good is revving your engine if all you can do is idle. The lack of physical attraction and happy ending will grow into resentment in time. If you are going to make that kind of commitment do it because you love the whole package.
Settling now is setting yourself up for an unhappy future. You shouldn't go into a relationship with someone if you feel you are settling. Work on yourself and be ready when the right one comes along.
On the other side, I would not want someone to just settle for me either. I'd rather be alone than have a man be with me just because he doesn't want to be alone.
He dresses sloppy, his body type is not attractive to you, and the sex leaves a lot to be desired. Those are your three problems.
Problem 1: have you asked him to dress better? Tell him you'd like to see him dress better.
Problem 2: if he got into shape, would you like his body type? Or is it height-related?
Problem 3: have you talked to him about improving sex? People seem to be unable to talk to their significant other about improving sex. Don't be one of those people. If you want a better sex life, you need to talk about it. It won't improve if you don't talk about it.
I hate to try to "change" someone. I have asked him if he wears anything other than khaki's. That should have been a hint. If he got into shape, yes, he would be attractive to me. But I can't count on him doing that. I have attempted to make plans with him to hike, bike, etc., but it never seems to happen, even though he says he wants to. I am going to push it this weekend and see if that helps. I think the sex will improve with time (I hope). I am very sexual, and he's not so much. That's a concern for me.
I hate to try to "change" someone. I have asked him if he wears anything other than khaki's. That should have been a hint. If he got into shape, yes, he would be attractive to me. But I can't count on him doing that. I have attempted to make plans with him to hike, bike, etc., but it never seems to happen, even though he says he wants to. I am going to push it this weekend and see if that helps. I think the sex will improve with time (I hope). I am very sexual, and he's not so much. That's a concern for me.
He's a dude. He's not atuned to hints. If you have something to say, say it. We dudes work better like that.
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I'm certainly no beauty queen myself, and he surely looks past that.
