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I am currently trying to get divorced. We have been separated for almost a year and I want to get the divorce over and done with, so I can move on.
When we separated, she left for a friend of hers in Florida (I am in Cali). In the beginning, all my energy went to my job and everything else that (of course) happened at the same time - IRS came after me, my green card was issued incorrectly, DMV almost screwed me over, so on and so forth. Last year was hell.
Once I got my life sorted out (partially), I started looking into getting the divorce under way. We have been talking on and off during the time we've been separated, and had really no problem to communicate about most things. We have sorted out who gets what and could agree on this without any arguments, she is not going to try to get half my liquid assets or anything. I got the paperwork started, gave her all the info needed to fill out her part and I am waiting for her to mail it to me so I can sign my side and turn it in.
The problem is, she's not mailing it back to me. This is now running on three months from the point where she got the paperwork.
And now I can not communicate at all with her. Apparently things are not ok between her and her friend-quickly-turned-into-boyfriend. I have been able to occasionally get her on the phone where she hasn't even said a word to me because (I'm guessing) he is nearby. When she has been able to talk to me for a couple of seconds - literally - all she says is she's going to mail them, explain what's going on with why she can't communicate and she gives me some lame excuse for not sending them to me (she's never alone, no stamp, no access to a car).
Of course as time goes by, the papers never get here. This is really starting to bring me down - I just want to get it over with. What can I do? I don't trust her temper enough that if I push harder she'd blow up on me and try to clean me out.
Send a courier to the address to pick it up , just tell her to have it ready to go.
I think you can also have the sheriff's serve papers on someone. Just do whatever you have to do to get the papers signed and get this finished off.
It sounds to me that she may have picked herself up a domineering control freak who has her unable to make any kind of move - but that was her decision.
I would also be careful that she can't change her mind about the liquid assets and get them where she can't get at them. The new lover may decide he wants your assets for himself.
I know a guy whose wife called him whispering on the phone to send child support checks to another address because her new guy was forcing her to sign them and he'd go cash and spend them. She wanted to lie to him and tell him the checks were no longer being sent.
I offered yesterday to send envelopes with prepaid postage to her, and got the message back that sarcasm wouldn't help my cause, and that I should keep my mouth shut. Funny thing is, the only times I mention her in any conversation, it is to try to look to her interests as far as her family matters go (very long story that I look forward to get away from). And for some reason she's also very pissed at me (I have no clue why), of course she wouldn't tell me what it was all about, but let me stew overnight. Funny how she can still make me feel like **** a year later.
I am currently trying to get divorced. We have been separated for almost a year and I want to get the divorce over and done with, so I can move on.
When we separated, she left for a friend of hers in Florida (I am in Cali). In the beginning, all my energy went to my job and everything else that (of course) happened at the same time - IRS came after me, my green card was issued incorrectly, DMV almost screwed me over, so on and so forth. Last year was hell.
Once I got my life sorted out (partially), I started looking into getting the divorce under way. We have been talking on and off during the time we've been separated, and had really no problem to communicate about most things. We have sorted out who gets what and could agree on this without any arguments, she is not going to try to get half my liquid assets or anything. I got the paperwork started, gave her all the info needed to fill out her part and I am waiting for her to mail it to me so I can sign my side and turn it in.
The problem is, she's not mailing it back to me. This is now running on three months from the point where she got the paperwork.
And now I can not communicate at all with her. Apparently things are not ok between her and her friend-quickly-turned-into-boyfriend. I have been able to occasionally get her on the phone where she hasn't even said a word to me because (I'm guessing) he is nearby. When she has been able to talk to me for a couple of seconds - literally - all she says is she's going to mail them, explain what's going on with why she can't communicate and she gives me some lame excuse for not sending them to me (she's never alone, no stamp, no access to a car).
Of course as time goes by, the papers never get here. This is really starting to bring me down - I just want to get it over with. What can I do? I don't trust her temper enough that if I push harder she'd blow up on me and try to clean me out.
Sad to say, but I have the experience of being 'that' other guy in your story. In my experience I can tell you that she probably hasn't told the guy you and her are married still. The girl I was with actually told me that she had been separated with her husband for over a year and was with 2 other guys before she met me. Later on I found out she was lying and found out that the guy she was married to wasn't living in another state like she told me and she also left out the part where she had sex with this guy on and off right before I met her.
I felt terrible knowing I was now emotionally involved with a married woman and that the guy was still that close to her when I thought she wasn't. It's a long story and I wish I could take the pain of that man away from him after being with that girl at the time. So, I will just tell; you that your 'wife' sounds like she is kind of leading the guy on and not giving him all the details about the marraige and that's why she won't say anything on the phone when he's around.
Well I finally had a chance to talk to her at length today. And hopefully sorted a few things out. The guy knows that she's still married technically, although I guess our status is now legally separated. Btw, what constitutes a couple to be "legally separated"? Anyone know for sure?
Either way, she promised to send the papers, and explained how calamity around her (storms in a glass of water to me, but...) had kept her tied up. I think I finally got through about a few things (not just the papers) that need to be finalized and done with. Obviously she has not been seeing my side of things, or even realized how much time has passed with me just waiting for her to move this ahead. I hope this pushes things forward.
Well I finally had a chance to talk to her at length today. And hopefully sorted a few things out. The guy knows that she's still married technically, although I guess our status is now legally separated. Btw, what constitutes a couple to be "legally separated"? Anyone know for sure?
Either way, she promised to send the papers, and explained how calamity around her (storms in a glass of water to me, but...) had kept her tied up. I think I finally got through about a few things (not just the papers) that need to be finalized and done with. Obviously she has not been seeing my side of things, or even realized how much time has passed with me just waiting for her to move this ahead. I hope this pushes things forward.
Sucks man that it took so long. Women can be selfish in a way sometimes just because they can't make up their minds. She should have ended it all and signed papers for divorce before she started talking to anyone.
Hopefully she will sign the papers and you can move on with your life. Have you consulted with an attorney? Some states are cooperative. I am unsure of correct legal term but what this means is that some states will work together on enforcing the same laws or rules where others do not.
My friend is going through the same thing right now. She left her husband for another man 3 yrs ago. Personally I think her ex dodge a bullet. I care for my friend but yikes she is a horrid wife. Anyway, for whatever reason he still has feelings for her. She paid an attorney in her state to draw up the papers. Her ex agreed to everything. The papers were mailed a year ago. He still has not signed them. Every time she talks to him, he promises he will. Her attorney said that because her state and where her ex lives are NOT cooperative states, she would have to file for divorce in the state her ex resides. What complicates this is she has to be a legal resident of that state which she is not anymore. So she has been at a stand still for quite some time.
Look into how CA and FL relate to each other in terms of divorce. Be polite but not too nice (her new flame might not be what she thought he would be) and get her to sign. I wish you luck. I hate to see anyone held hostage.
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She paid an attorney in her state to draw up the papers. Her ex agreed to everything. The papers were mailed a year ago. He still has not signed them. Every time she talks to him, he promises he will. Her attorney said that because her state and where her ex lives are NOT cooperative states, she would have to file for divorce in the state her ex resides. What complicates this is she has to be a legal resident of that state which she is not anymore. So she has been at a stand still for quite some time. 
