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Hello. Recently I watched a video where the guy had a tattoo, you get what you deserve and it really hit my head. Is it really so? I don’t want to make a long post so I’ll try to keep in short.
I am extremely useless when it comes to relationships. Never had a proper one if I am honest.
Here’s a story about a girl with whom I genuinely felt in love. Not having enough guts to express my feelings and every single time we met each other, I was telling myself “tell her, tell her”. Untill one very drunk night I replied to her story that I actually loved her and always cared for her. And her reply was like” I am grateful for having you”. Obviously I apologized the next morning telling her to just forget what I said. It was possibly the most stupid thing I’ve done in my life. Acted like a child, when I am in my late twenties. She said it’s okey, let’s meet up and talk if you want. So we did meet up. (We actually went for drinks several times before). Our conversation did not include that event. It felt like a natural date if I am honest. She was kinda flirty and we did have a great time. Promising to meet again and stuff like that. In my head I was like, is that it? Untill some kind of dude came with a car to pick her up, ( they actually dropped me to my place). Is that her boyfriend, is that some kind of friend? I have no idea and I actually no longer want to know, because after we left the pub and were heading to that dudes car, she asked if I could lend her some money. Now it’s not the first time that she borrows from me and I always give it to her, but this time it was not a small amount, but I still gave it to her ( note that she actually never returns it). Today when I was thinking about what happened, I realized that I’ve been manipulated, that all of it was just a charade. I don’t want to believe it as we have a pretty good relationship ( friendship if you may call it). We always write to each other and on occasions go out for drinking, but it’s such a bad feeling when you realize it was all an act. Maybe it’s just in my head and I am making all of this up. ( she promised to take me to some other place next week, so I’ll wait and see) but I felt so pathetic today. Nothing had a meaning anymore, not my job, not my friends. I was telling myself that I am fking pathetic and I deserve all of it.
Sorry for such a long post. I just had to write it somewhere.
So what is "not a small amount" and why would you go around with all that cash on you? Knowing she never paid back smaller amounts, why would you give her a larger amount of money?
You are NOT pathetic. Your age is not the factor. You are inexperienced for whatever reason. You have lots of company so don't feel bad.
Now you have some experience with manipulative people. They are the pathetic ones.
Hopefully you have learned that while being generous can be a wonderful attribute, you need to be more discerning with whom you share your generosity. You also must absolutely need to learn to say no and establish boundaries.
Wishing you the best in the next experience. Don't let this set you back. : )
So what is "not a small amount" and why would you go around with all that cash on you? Knowing she never paid back smaller amounts, why would you give her a larger amount of money?
Because I’ve been stupid. Or maybe I am just playing all of it in my head and in reality things stand are not the same way as I perceive them. I honestly, no longer know. I am just confused at the moment ((
Hello. Recently I watched a video where the guy had a tattoo, you get what you deserve and it really hit my head. Is it really so? I don’t want to make a long post so I’ll try to keep in short.
I am extremely useless when it comes to relationships. Never had a proper one if I am honest.
Here’s a story about a girl with whom I genuinely felt in love. Not having enough guts to express my feelings and every single time we met each other, I was telling myself “tell her, tell her”. Untill one very drunk night I replied to her story that I actually loved her and always cared for her. And her reply was like” I am grateful for having you”. Obviously I apologized the next morning telling her to just forget what I said. It was possibly the most stupid thing I’ve done in my life. Acted like a child, when I am in my late twenties. She said it’s okey, let’s meet up and talk if you want. So we did meet up. (We actually went for drinks several times before). Our conversation did not include that event. It felt like a natural date if I am honest. She was kinda flirty and we did have a great time. Promising to meet again and stuff like that. In my head I was like, is that it? Untill some kind of dude came with a car to pick her up, ( they actually dropped me to my place). Is that her boyfriend, is that some kind of friend? I have no idea and I actually no longer want to know, because after we left the pub and were heading to that dudes car, she asked if I could lend her some money. Now it’s not the first time that she borrows from me and I always give it to her, but this time it was not a small amount, but I still gave it to her ( note that she actually never returns it). Today when I was thinking about what happened, I realized that I’ve been manipulated, that all of it was just a charade. I don’t want to believe it as we have a pretty good relationship ( friendship if you may call it). We always write to each other and on occasions go out for drinking, but it’s such a bad feeling when you realize it was all an act. Maybe it’s just in my head and I am making all of this up. ( she promised to take me to some other place next week, so I’ll wait and see) but I felt so pathetic today. Nothing had a meaning anymore, not my job, not my friends. I was telling myself that I am fking pathetic and I deserve all of it.
Sorry for such a long post. I just had to write it somewhere.
She is using you, and she should have explained the "dude" that took you home on "your" date. I would move on very quickly and not loan her any more money at all.
Who decides what we deserve? Thats a question you have ask yourself and you will see it is NOT as clear-cut an answer as you believe. As you have shown, it is all according to your view of yourself as to what you deserve, and my view of myself for what I deserve. So, I think the answer is we each decide for ourselves.
It does appear as if this girl is using you and your innocence to help herself without caring about you and you might need to move on from this relationship to protect yourself. Try to find more opportunities to become more confident and street-wise. Good luck.
No, people don’t get what they deserve. People who are abused as children or sexually assaulted as adults don’t “deserve” it, even if the perpetrators say they do.
People taken in by scammers also don’t “deserve” it. I’m listening to a podcast now about a journalist who was taken in by a scammer, as were his otherwise intelligent neighbors who included an attorney and other professionals who you would think would know better. I guess she was just that convincing and scammed some of these people out of tens of thousands of dollars. Apparently they had all known her (as a neighbor) for years before this happened.
At any rate, I think it is a good idea when you give people money to assume you will never get it back. If it is money you really need for yourself, you are probably better off not letting someone “borrow” it.
Hello. Recently I watched a video where the guy had a tattoo, you get what you deserve and it really hit my head. Is it really so? I don’t want to make a long post so I’ll try to keep in short.
I am extremely useless when it comes to relationships. Never had a proper one if I am honest.
Here’s a story about a girl with whom I genuinely felt in love. Not having enough guts to express my feelings and every single time we met each other, I was telling myself “tell her, tell her”. Untill one very drunk night I replied to her story that I actually loved her and always cared for her. And her reply was like” I am grateful for having you”. Obviously I apologized the next morning telling her to just forget what I said. It was possibly the most stupid thing I’ve done in my life. Acted like a child, when I am in my late twenties. She said it’s okey, let’s meet up and talk if you want. So we did meet up. (We actually went for drinks several times before). Our conversation did not include that event. It felt like a natural date if I am honest. She was kinda flirty and we did have a great time. Promising to meet again and stuff like that. In my head I was like, is that it? Untill some kind of dude came with a car to pick her up, ( they actually dropped me to my place). Is that her boyfriend, is that some kind of friend? I have no idea and I actually no longer want to know, because after we left the pub and were heading to that dudes car, she asked if I could lend her some money. Now it’s not the first time that she borrows from me and I always give it to her, but this time it was not a small amount, but I still gave it to her ( note that she actually never returns it). Today when I was thinking about what happened, I realized that I’ve been manipulated, that all of it was just a charade. I don’t want to believe it as we have a pretty good relationship ( friendship if you may call it). We always write to each other and on occasions go out for drinking, but it’s such a bad feeling when you realize it was all an act. Maybe it’s just in my head and I am making all of this up. ( she promised to take me to some other place next week, so I’ll wait and see) but I felt so pathetic today. Nothing had a meaning anymore, not my job, not my friends. I was telling myself that I am fking pathetic and I deserve all of it.
Sorry for such a long post. I just had to write it somewhere.
You call this a friendship? WHY? Why would you view it as a friendship, while making the observation that she manipulates you? Is that your view of friendship? That's not how friends treat each other. It's not what friendship is about at all.
OP, you need to get out and make some true friends. You deserve better than this. If you have social anxiety, consider getting some counseling for that, so you can liberate yourself from this little cage you've built for yourself. This is sad.
And why is she asking you for money, when she seems to have a bf? Tell her to ask him for money, or to get a job if she needs money. If she already has a job, she can pick up a couple of nights' waitressing at restaurant for extra cash.
You call this a friendship? WHY? Why would you view it as a friendship, while making the observation that she manipulates you? Is that your view of friendship? That's not how friends treat each other. It's not what friendship is about at all.
OP, you need to get out and make some true friends. You deserve better than this. If you have social anxiety, consider getting some counseling for that, so you can liberate yourself from this little cage you've built for yourself. This is sad.
And why is she asking you for money, when she seems to have a bf? Tell her to ask him for money, or to get a job if she needs money. If she already has a job, she can pick up a couple of nights' waitressing at restaurant for extra cash.
Everything that I noted in my original post, are just assumptions. But those little details are just way too obvious. Maybe she asked money on a whim, because she actually discussed her financial situation with me, as how she asked her mother for help but she refused, but never said that she needed it at that moment. As for boyfriend, I have no idea who that guy was. If he was her BF, what kind of bf lets his gf go out with stranger (to him) and that gf holding and caressing that strangers hand for the whole road?
You know, I also have such thoughts, what if, even if all the signs are clear as the blue sky. I am kind of a person who trusts people way too much and wants to believe in them until the very end. But as I come to realization, it is actually me, who's being left heartbroken. And when it comes from a person who you truly love ( and I don't mean as a friend).
Thank you guys for understanding me. I truly appreciate it.
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