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Old 03-23-2010, 08:55 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,622,264 times
Reputation: 42767

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Onglet is being blunt, but she is right. There is no point in continuing to care about this man or wonder why. Your wound will not heal if you keep picking at it.

Closure is an illusion. You believe that there is some answer this man can give you that will satisfy you and make everything better ... there is not. If, somehow, you could force him to have that conversation, I can almost guarantee it would not go how you hope it would. You would not feel better afterward, either. He does not feel bad about what happened, and you cannot make him feel that way.

You need to move on and not look back. This thread is post after post of "why, why" and "here's something else I need to tell you," just like your relationship with that man. Your answer is not going to change, no matter how much you don't like it. Sometimes the answer we get is not the one we want.
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Old 03-23-2010, 09:14 AM
 
8,862 posts, read 17,444,056 times
Reputation: 2280
Quote:
Originally Posted by Onglet39 View Post
I am on this thread because it's here and I find it interesting. I am fascinated at your blinders, and I wonder whether I've ever been guilty of the same. If so, I hope someone will tell me to snap out of it.

Ignore me if you want; my advice is sound. You started this thread asking for opinions, but you only want to read answers you like. It's not unlike your asking this guy a question about your past break up, then getting mad when he didn't answer the way you wanted.

In fact, if you could step back and look at your posts here objectively, you would see why this guy ran away from you twice: You want someone to hold your hand while coaxing you through the minutiae of your emotions; he didn't want to do that so he bailed.

It's as simple as that.

'You only want to read the answers you 'like'. I see this critique posted over and over again and hear this 'complaint' frequently elsewhere. I don't find your observations particularly 'relevant' to my needs---if we need to veer off-track for a discussion of semantics ---that is something I am capable of doing, FWIW.

'This guy' didn't have to 'run' from me. Maybe I should type in all caps or bold certain important pieces of FYI. Both of us were 'Guilty' of being 'Fully Human'--I've been pretty clear on this thread about why I liked him and how completely I realized that this was a relationship that never had a chance. Admittedly, I am still curious as to why he would lower his standards to spend even 5 minutes with me --as twisted and contemtible as people like you find me to be. He is capable of 'meeting his needs' in every possible way and always has been. If he has 'physical needs'--there are many, many women who would gladly accomodate him.

Maybe he just wanted to see if had gotten fat or how many wrinkles I had acquired. Anything is possible. One game that I have never played is 'hurting others for sport'. I guess my elementary teachers and the values of our community are to blame. My high school produced some exceptionally fine people that have been recognized for service to others. So, yes, it 'bothers' me to accept that there is a dark side to this part of my life, too.

'Hold my hand, coax me through the minutiae of my emotions---so he bailed.'

Yes--guilty as charged. Terminal illness, death and grief are not trivial matters to me. Without having to be 'Told'--I know this man a 'Commander'/leader of others has 'been there'. I clearly told him several times that it was not a good time to 'reunite'--but foolishly gave in and tried to meet with him anyway.

I guess we can keep going and going and going like this. 'Slapping cold water on my face'---'Get it through your thick head---you stupid fool--you made another mistake'. When an online poster gives you sound advice you need to do as you are Told.

Thank you, thank you, thank you---from the very bottom of my heart.

'Advice'---Wise men don't need it and fools don't heed it.

Nonetheless, other posters have made some good suggestions and in my slow, stupid way I will attempt to process the feedback that was provided.

'The Lion King'--'some have to live with the scars'. That might be about all the Advice I can handle today.
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Old 03-23-2010, 09:29 AM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,652,769 times
Reputation: 10385
My final words of advice to you, though I know it will fall on deaf ears. Once I figured this one out a few months ago, it greatly improved my life:

You are entitled to nothing.

You are not entitled to an explanation about anything. You are not entitled to have someone hold your hand when you grieve. You are not entitled to someone else's time or emotions. You are not entitled to have someone care about your emotional scars. These things are nice, we all want these things, but it doesn't mean we are going to get them. The sooner you accept this, the better off you will be.
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Old 03-23-2010, 09:59 AM
 
201 posts, read 647,621 times
Reputation: 189
There are two significant arguments to this issue. The woman wants to know why when she gave the guy everything he left her with less than nothing and the other side of the issue, the public doesn't understand why this woman can't get over this person who was so wrong for her. Look at it this way, relationships, of any kind, good or bad are not easy to be successful in and especially in romance, whether the relationship was good or bad, someone always loves one person more than they are loved in return. And whetehr is was successful or a travesty someone is always left with questions and inquiries. We all have been through it and if you haven't then you will be.
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Old 03-23-2010, 10:50 AM
 
8,862 posts, read 17,444,056 times
Reputation: 2280
Quote:
Originally Posted by SamuelBrock77 View Post
There are two significant arguments to this issue. The woman wants to know why when she gave the guy everything he left her with less than nothing and the other side of the issue, the public doesn't understand why this woman can't get over this person who was so wrong for her. Look at it this way, relationships, of any kind, good or bad are not easy to be successful in and especially in romance, whether the relationship was good or bad, someone always loves one person more than they are loved in return. And whetehr is was successful or a travesty someone is always left with questions and inquiries. We all have been through it and if you haven't then you will be.
As the 'Woman--who-gave-the guy-everything', if I may offer another interpretation of my original intent--I should have clearly stated that I am 'Venting'. That is a means of releasing the 'dreaded emotions' that women cannot seem to handle properly---according to the standards of other members of the population.

If 'The Public'---this individual poster and several others---cannot 'Understand' how the 'Woman' can't get over this person who was so wrong with her--then perhaps--'The Public' should thank the higher power of choice that they have been given or developed much more effectual skills.

According to the 'General Consensus' of The Public---the first step in making 'much needed' change is 'confronting the issues'. I personally have no idea what values or ethics were instilled in anyone responding to my posts--I know that it was a great, big deal in my particular home and community that life should be lived with integrity and ethics.

Beyond my 'petty, little personal problem's' there is the additional 'issue' of the greatness of leaders/those who are dedicated to 'serving others', according to Army's alleged standards. And he is a recognized 'authority' in the field of psychology/counseling. Are we to assume that others should follow his example? I hope not.

Sure, the majority of the people I know think that it is 'immature' or crude to dump someone without taking a moment to say--'Later, or call me when you get a Life' or whatever the current terms may be. And, frankly, were also at a loss to offer a reason that he would want to ever contact me again. Insane risk taker that I am I thought I might resolve my questions by meeting him. Since that didn't happen I took the risk of posting here.

My best guess at this point is that many of us have some, misty, water-colored memories from time to time--an attack of nostalgia. Obviously marketing professionals of the media determined that this is a topic of interest for many and there are a number of shows about 'Reuniting With Former Loves'/Second Chances, etc. so I don't find my 'issues' that bizarre---as a member of the Public, myself.

So--if my 'Prince' had been holding on to false assumptions about me--such as, I was the type of woman who would be very accepting of casual alliances at least I attempted to clarify that was a misconception. Nor do I admire--'cowardice'--particularly not from a commissioned officer/LTC of the armed forces. Not from politicians and not from athletes or celebrities or any of the great and wonderful people that we should supposedly admire and deify.

A 'real man' would have 'known' that he needed to address this issue. Or at least I am now 'very certain' that the kind of man that I can respect would be able to handle such a mission. I will pray harder for this nation if this is the sort of leadership that our military system produces. He sort of winked at me---about his 'career'---did it for the 'money'. Hip, Hip Hooray---'Army Strong'---Lead the Way--No Excuse Leadership---a few of the slogans that apparently are just 'words'--rather than ideals worth dying for.

Fortunately, I have known several other members of the military that apparently were 'Better' people. And I have known 'better' college professors, counselors and business people. I wonder how long he would stay in business if he decided to interact with his customers as he interacted with me. It always seems to come back to the money. Or something like that.

Slapping my hand again for not having 'a lot of money'.
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Old 03-23-2010, 11:20 AM
 
8,862 posts, read 17,444,056 times
Reputation: 2280
<Samuel Brock said>
And whetehr is was successful or a travesty someone is always left with questions and inquiries. We all have been through it and if you haven't then you will be.

No argument over this but why is it so difficult to 'understand' that it is a puzzling thing to have 'feelings/emotions' that you thought you had dealt with/managed so many years ago reemerge.

Of course, I wish I possessed greater wisdom or perspective--lots and lots of songs, poems and books written about that.

Once it was a simple thing---relating to others. I suppose I grieve for those days as much as anything---ignorance was bliss. We didn't analyze ourselves into oblivion.

I may be 'dumb' as a door knob--I only have 2 degrees, neither in Psychology or Counseling---what could I possibly know?

It wouldn't have 'killed' him to say--'I had no idea this was such a big deal to you'--that would have been a distortion of the truth, because he knows a few things about me. Or he could have said, 'Let's give it a rest for now'. Or something.

PLease Let the Record Show--when I received the cryptic email a month later informing me that he had enjoyed Mardi Gras--I was 'Army Strong' myself and did not respond. I was also the person who said--'You know how I am and I don't think it is a good idea to go back and do again what didn't work the first time.'

Perhaps I should have joined the Army--apparently I have leadership potential. I feel ruthless enough to accomplish my mission--to ask a question--state an opinion. WooHootieHoo!!!!
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Old 03-23-2010, 11:27 AM
 
Location: Leaving fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada
4,053 posts, read 8,235,236 times
Reputation: 8040
The guy sounds like a cheating Ahole. I bet there's more than one woman out there who has been through something similar--not to mention his wife.

Don't you really think you're better off without him?
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Old 03-23-2010, 11:33 AM
 
Location: Tri-State Area
2,942 posts, read 5,996,435 times
Reputation: 1839
[quote=photobuff42;13415683]The guy sounds like a cheating Ahole. I bet there's more than one woman out there who has been through something similar--not to mention his wife.

Don't you really think you're better off without him?[/quote]

Well said!
Believe in karma, it really does work.
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Old 03-23-2010, 12:30 PM
 
8,862 posts, read 17,444,056 times
Reputation: 2280
[quote=FrmlyBklyn;13415789]
Quote:
Originally Posted by photobuff42 View Post
The guy sounds like a cheating Ahole. I bet there's more than one woman out there who has been through something similar--not to mention his wife.

Don't you really think you're better off without him?[/quote]

Well said!
Believe in karma, it really does work.
It didn't take him a full minute to type out the little 'I cannot change the past, but I can control the present and create the future. No Regrets. followed by some military acronyms and dates', so I assume that quotation must have been utilized to the fullest.

He's never really 'been in my life'--long distance relationship in college, then his marriage to the Woman of the Century and 'an exciting military career', 2 over achieving kids and now grandkids according to an online site.

I'm really just tired of trying/having to understand the human condition. Yes, Tiger --we 'understand' that you had needs and desires so profound that special expertise and guidance was required in order for you to grasp concepts that most of us learned by Kindergarten.

It's not enough but it's some form of Karma that at least a number of people on this thread have 'understood'.



All the things that are supposed to help one recover from this kind of 'S'--confronting the hatred, refocusing your life, 'Forgiveness'/I think one email included that type of 'Advice'--and the other part of 'Forgiveness' is that you are no longer bitter/spiteful but you don't allow the same sort of unacceptable behavior to occur again.

I need to listen to the 'Nitty Gritty Dirt Band'--House at Pooh Corner, Some of Shelly's Blues and Mr. Bojangles---popular in the mid 70's and a time when I was able to really enjoy myself---never thought of Mr. No Regrets. Lots of protest songs were written in that era. 'Sunshine Go Away Today'---something, something about don't tell me how to run my life if you can't run your own..'

http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/ancho...oawaytoday.htm
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Old 03-23-2010, 04:06 PM
 
Location: The Jar
20,058 posts, read 18,261,749 times
Reputation: 37120
[quote=TakeAhike;13416763]
Quote:
Originally Posted by FrmlyBklyn View Post

It didn't take him a full minute to type out the little 'I cannot change the past, but I can control the present and create the future. No Regrets. followed by some military acronyms and dates', so I assume that quotation must have been utilized to the fullest.

He's never really 'been in my life'--long distance relationship in college, then his marriage to the Woman of the Century and 'an exciting military career', 2 over achieving kids and now grandkids according to an online site.

I'm really just tired of trying/having to understand the human condition. Yes, Tiger --we 'understand' that you had needs and desires so profound that special expertise and guidance was required in order for you to grasp concepts that most of us learned by Kindergarten.

It's not enough but it's some form of Karma that at least a number of people on this thread have 'understood'.



All the things that are supposed to help one recover from this kind of 'S'--confronting the hatred, refocusing your life, 'Forgiveness'/I think one email included that type of 'Advice'--and the other part of 'Forgiveness' is that you are no longer bitter/spiteful but you don't allow the same sort of unacceptable behavior to occur again.

I need to listen to the 'Nitty Gritty Dirt Band'--House at Pooh Corner, Some of Shelly's Blues and Mr. Bojangles---popular in the mid 70's and a time when I was able to really enjoy myself---never thought of Mr. No Regrets. Lots of protest songs were written in that era. 'Sunshine Go Away Today'---something, something about don't tell me how to run my life if you can't run your own..'

Jonathan Edwards Lyrics, Sunshine (Go Away Today) Lyrics >>
Here are some "happy" songs for ya!


YouTube - Simon and Garfunkel-The 59th Street Bridge Song


YouTube - Play That Funky Music - Wild Cherry (1976)


YouTube - Don't Stop - Fleetwood Mac (Studio Version/Stereo Sound)
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