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Many women assume that most guys are smart enough to "take a hint." The problem is that so many guys don't respond well to ambiguous information and don't know how to "talk womanese." They think that if they just try a little harder, she'll come around. It doesn't help that schlocky Hollywood romantic comedies reinforce that idea.
Anyway, it probably just comes down to a difference in communications between the sexes: women are conditioned to be "nice" and men are conditioned to be direct.
im guilty of this with one person. only one...but if its bothering him then he deserves it. he screwed me over a long time ago, and now he tries to approach me again and i dont respond to him ever. i just ignore him...because if i tell him im uninterested and tell him that i dont trust him for anything...ill have to deal with a stupid, 8th grade argument lol. hes in his 30s, hes just stupid and immature. ignoring him tends to work...he'll go like two weeks of texting and calling all the time and me ignoring it...he'll finally give up for like a month and then he'll try again. i dont understand why you would continue constantly calling someone anyway if they aren't responding to your calls or your texts...obviously they're uninterested. duh.
Am I allowed to follow on in this same thread with questions from women about why men can't seem to just make a clean break of things when relationships go south?
Just wondering, since I've discovered that the demand for answers and the whole thing about not wanting to hurt someone's feelings seem to apply to openings for women and closings for men.
As for some of the examples given in response to the OP, here's a guy's viewpoint for the ladies:
- When you say "No, thanks, I'm not interested" guys push for a couple of reasons.
A. We're geared to be direct and to try to solve perceived problems
B. We've been fed the line of total BS by "enlightened women" and Hollywood for nearly 50 years that looks don't matter, what's inside matters. And let's face it, not only are the majority of rejections based on looks, but none of us likes to think we're not up to snuff when it comes to attracting another person. After all, you don't KNOW us yet, and what's inside matters most, right? So how can you simply be rejecting us right off the bat? It just makes no sense!
- When you indicate that you're not interested, while on one hand guys need to learn to take a hint (admittedly, we do NOT do well with ambiguous information, especially when it seems illogical or ill-founded to us) another facet of this is that a part of us sincerely sees that something in us is not attractive to you. In our eyes, this equals a problem to be solved. After all, we all want to be the best we can be. Ergo, part of us still wants you to change your mind while the other part yearns for a curious mixture of clarification and validation.
When you think about it, this is not ONE iota different than women demanding the very same sorts of answers when THEY don't care for the response -- and please, ladies, let's not try to pretend you gals take the first response and happily go your way with no hard feelings.
It's not the whole thing of men saying they WANT straightforward answers while in actuality they can't handle them... at least not entirely, since no one enjoys swallowing a bitter pill. No, it's just exactly like you all wanting answers which not only please you (yes, we're more ALIKE than different here, we guys would like answers which please us), but which help make sense of the situation which has displeased you.
- I can't say I defend the guys who respond venomously; after all, they should handle it more maturely, simply walk away with some dignity no matter how much rejection may sting. The old "Thanks a lot, beyotch" response is generally uncalled for.
However, consider it the immature MALE version of the female tendency to head back to her friends and make fun of the poor schlep, effectively ruining his play with ANY of the present women for the remainder of the night and any night which ensues in short order. (*HUFF* -- "Not me!" No, dear, not you, just the others...)
Am I allowed to follow on in this same thread with questions from women about why men can't seem to just make a clean break of things when relationships go south?
Just wondering, since I've discovered that the demand for answers and the whole thing about not wanting to hurt someone's feelings seem to apply to openings for women and closings for men.
As for some of the examples given in response to the OP, here's a guy's viewpoint for the ladies:
- When you say "No, thanks, I'm not interested" guys push for a couple of reasons.
A. We're geared to be direct and to try to solve perceived problems
B. We've been fed the line of total BS by "enlightened women" and Hollywood for nearly 50 years that looks don't matter, what's inside matters. And let's face it, not only are the majority of rejections based on looks, but none of us likes to think we're not up to snuff when it comes to attracting another person. After all, you don't KNOW us yet, and what's inside matters most, right? So how can you simply be rejecting us right off the bat? It just makes no sense!
- When you indicate that you're not interested, while on one hand guys need to learn to take a hint (admittedly, we do NOT do well with ambiguous information, especially when it seems illogical or ill-founded to us) another facet of this is that a part of us sincerely sees that something in us is not attractive to you. In our eyes, this equals a problem to be solved. After all, we all want to be the best we can be. Ergo, part of us still wants you to change your mind while the other part yearns for a curious mixture of clarification and validation.
When you think about it, this is not ONE iota different than women demanding the very same sorts of answers when THEY don't care for the response -- and please, ladies, let's not try to pretend you gals take the first response and happily go your way with no hard feelings.
It's not the whole thing of men saying they WANT straightforward answers while in actuality they can't handle them... at least not entirely, since no one enjoys swallowing a bitter pill. No, it's just exactly like you all wanting answers which not only please you (yes, we're more ALIKE than different here, we guys would like answers which please us), but which help make sense of the situation which has displeased you.
- I can't say I defend the guys who respond venomously; after all, they should handle it more maturely, simply walk away with some dignity no matter how much rejection may sting. The old "Thanks a lot, beyotch" response is generally uncalled for.
However, consider it the immature MALE version of the female tendency to head back to her friends and make fun of the poor schlep, effectively ruining his play with ANY of the present women for the remainder of the night and any night which ensues in short order. (*HUFF* -- "Not me!" No, dear, not you, just the others...)
And this is you have a very high rep to post ratio!!
When you think about it, this is not ONE iota different than women demanding the very same sorts of answers when THEY don't care for the response -- and please, ladies, let's not try to pretend you gals take the first response and happily go your way with no hard feelings.
In business, I try to figure out if there's anything I can do to change their minds, or at least get them to keep me in mind for the future.
In social relationships, oh, heck NO. First, I wouldn't want to be with anyone who doesn't want to be with me. Second, I don't need a list of reasons or what someone perceives as my deficits, especially from someone I don't know well (and whose judgment is clearly off ). That's just masochistic!
In business, I try to figure out if there's anything I can do to change their minds, or at least get them to keep me in mind for the future.
In social relationships, oh, heck NO. First, I wouldn't want to be with anyone who doesn't want to be with me. Second, I don't need a list of reasons or what someone perceives as my deficits, especially from someone I don't know well (and whose judgment is clearly off ). That's just masochistic!
The best response I can possibly give to this would be that while there are a great many more similarities between men and women than modern folk care to admit, there are still remarkable differences as well, some inherent, some based on modern social trends I won't bother going into here.
On Facebook the other day I was having a conversation with a woman who was a classmate from 7th grade all the way thru graduation. I'd had a crush on her at various times since we shared a few classes and she was one of the "hot" girls, and she always seemed to be part of the strong, popular clique, in direct opposition to my status as the class weirdo.
She admitted to me the other day she'd had a crush on me for a while and I explained my own lack of self-esteem and horrible home-life as my reason for not daring to approach her; however, since she was popular, I wondered why she'd never mentioned anything.
Her response:
Honestly? Teenage girls are idiots. "They" overthink things, especially if they have been told they're attractive. I call it "Egomaniac with an Inferiority Complex" syndrome.
"They" are approached -- approaching isn't an option.
"They" tell themselves that boys will flock to them with one snap of their fingers. Outwardly, that may look like conceit or confidence, and in many cases it is.
"They" are never rejected because they never put themselves in the position to be rejected; they are the ones who reject.
Realistically, the idea of being rejected is terrifying because they consider their only valuable quality to be their outward appearance. (major insecurity!) One rejection would strip them of their "value." They would rather die than take a chance on that happening. Ridiculous, right? Maturity brings logic. We can analyze the past, see the stupidity of our actions and attitudes, and write it off as a missed opportunity... a "kick in the ass" lesson. Then we just laugh at how moronic we used to be and proceed with our every day, mundane, middle-age lives.
Only about 3 weeks ago, I was telling my mom about a guy I reconnected with on facebook; she remembered him and spoke about what a sweet guy he used to be. When I was 15 -- right before I started dating the abusive **** that I ended up dating for the next 4 years -- I was "seeing" this guy. He was cute, kind, considerate, and genuinely liked me.
After my conversation with my mom the other day, I was trying to remember what happened -- why I dumped the sweet guy for the abusive ****.
The answer: canvas shoes. (This was the era of "red-swoosh Nikes.")
Funny thing is, I liked the guy so much that I never noticed his footwear. But one day, after observing me holding hands with this guy, one of my "friends" made a snide comment about the canvas shoes ([name removed] who, now that I think about it, looked like a man in drag). I was mortified -- acceptance and approval from others was vital to me. So I dumped the guy, and got with the other guy who was an a******, but by God he wore Nikes!
Now I have had an epiphany. The abusive relationship led to other abusive relationships which chipped away at my self esteem, which caused me to enter MORE abusive relationships. Now I'm almost 43 years old, on my 3rd husband, and have no self-confidence. Why? [Effing] CANVAS SHOES! If only I'd had the balls to say, "*********, [beyotch], you're just jealous because no one wants your ugly ***" ..............**sigh**..... Oh, well; live and learn.
Sadistic a bit?? It is very easy to say "No thank you. I am getting married soon." or "No thanks. I am looking for full time work. I have no time to date" over the text or email. That is what I would do if someone thought I was playing "hard to get" lol.
Quote:
Originally Posted by prinessdanika99
Seriously, I have seen so many of my guy friends who can not take a hint when the woman they are pursuing does not respond to any of their phone calls or texts.
It is just wrong, poor fellas, thinking they still can get the girl. Why can't they just say it to them flat out. They do realize they are making them more miserable and even though they might tire and just stop it is just the wrong way to handle that specific situation. If you are not interested in a guy just tell them bluntly, they will be much better off and best you wont be receiving messages or phone calls. Guys can handle rejection and if anything they will probably be over it in a couple hours or so.
Many women assume that most guys are smart enough to "take a hint." The problem is that so many guys don't respond well to ambiguous information and don't know how to "talk womanese." They think that if they just try a little harder, she'll come around. It doesn't help that schlocky Hollywood romantic comedies reinforce that idea.
Anyway, it probably just comes down to a difference in communications between the sexes: women are conditioned to be "nice" and men are conditioned to be direct.
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Men Can Handle The Truth
