Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-23-2010, 08:50 AM
 
5 posts, read 6,993 times
Reputation: 14

Advertisements

I met this guy about 5 months ago, then we started dating.
He told me he wasn't seeing anybody and off course i thought that he was single
We shopped together,sometimes i cook for him,spends weekend together,and do that sort of thing.
I was starting to falling into him.

A week ago he told me that actually he has a GF but they're in their "Off" Period
He met his "off-GF", and his "off-GF" wants to get back on
I was shocked when he told me that he has an "off-GF"

Does that make me the other woman ?
If i told him to choose between me or her,does that make a b*tch ?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-23-2010, 08:53 AM
 
Location: Minneapolis
191 posts, read 348,507 times
Reputation: 242
Even though it's not really cheating, he sounds shady, I say turn and run...swiftly. Find a different guy who doesn't insist on playing childish mind-games with you.

Last edited by RUINER_SR4; 03-23-2010 at 09:04 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-23-2010, 08:57 AM
 
239 posts, read 593,573 times
Reputation: 330
No, it doesn't make it cheating. I've separated with prior partners before, with the possibility of revisiting things in a couple months, and seeing if we can work it out.

But....during those two months, what one does, is none of the other's business.

In your situation, I would walk. Not because the guy is doing anything wrong, but because his on-off GF sounds like his first priority. You probably don't want to get into a messy situation.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-23-2010, 09:00 AM
 
8,679 posts, read 15,226,269 times
Reputation: 15341
Not necessarily cheating--if he's being truthful.

It strikes me as a bit deceitful of him not to tell you about his on-again/off-again relationship, though. Yes, it was off, and for all he knew, it could have stayed off for good. That's not what bothers me. What bothers me is that he obviously still has feelings for her since apparently he's going to run back to her at the snap of her fingers. I believe it unfair of anyone to get involved with a new person when their feelings for the old person are still so strong.

So, as he obviously still has feelings for her, and therefore cannot give you his full attention, I'd move on. Time you spend with someone who's not right for you is time you could be out there finding someone who is.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-23-2010, 09:01 AM
 
Location: The cupboard under the sink
3,993 posts, read 8,897,484 times
Reputation: 8105
If they're split up, even temporarily, then it's not cheating.

Just be cautious he isn't lying.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-23-2010, 09:10 AM
 
Location: The Jar
20,058 posts, read 18,225,307 times
Reputation: 37120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avienne View Post
Not necessarily cheating--if he's being truthful.

It strikes me as a bit deceitful of him not to tell you about his on-again/off-again relationship, though. Yes, it was off, and for all he knew, it could have stayed off for good. That's not what bothers me. What bothers me is that he obviously still has feelings for her since apparently he's going to run back to her at the snap of her fingers. I believe it unfair of anyone to get involved with a new person when their feelings for the old person are still so strong.

So, as he obviously still has feelings for her, and therefore cannot give you his full attention, I'd move on. Time you spend with someone who's not right for you is time you could be out there finding someone who is.
Excellent advice!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-23-2010, 09:31 AM
 
796 posts, read 1,836,259 times
Reputation: 378
He's shady...dump him.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-23-2010, 09:38 AM
 
Location: Atlanta, GA
600 posts, read 1,605,202 times
Reputation: 413
What exactly is an on/off relationship? I mean is the 'off' period like a break or a break up? (sorry, never been in one LOL).

Anyways, although it's not technically cheating, I personally wouldn't get back together with a guy if he's already been with someone else. I just can't deal with it.

And that guy definitely sounds shady and is obviously not over his ex. Why would you want to fight over him?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-23-2010, 09:41 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
10,196 posts, read 17,750,529 times
Reputation: 13903
Quote:
Originally Posted by missolemiss View Post
Does that make me the other woman ?
No, they clearly haven't been in a relationship since you've been with him. But it was poor judgement on his part by dating when he clearly isn't over his ex and knows there's a chance he could get back together with her in the future (because that sounds like a pattern for them). I agree with the other replies that it was a bit deceitful of him.

Quote:
If i told him to choose between me or her,does that make a b*tch ?
No, you have a right to know where you stand in his life and a right to make it clear to him that you're not sticking around if he tries to be with both of you. But again, I agree with the other replies - if it were me, I wouldn't wait around for him to decide who he wants to be with. Even if he chooses to stay with you, this incident has proven that he still has feelings for her that aren't going to go away overnight. That is going to cause problems between you two and I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who still habors feelings for someone else.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-23-2010, 09:42 AM
 
2,618 posts, read 6,146,553 times
Reputation: 2119
Quote:
Originally Posted by missolemiss View Post
I met this guy about 5 months ago, then we started dating.
He told me he wasn't seeing anybody and off course i thought that he was single
We shopped together,sometimes i cook for him,spends weekend together,and do that sort of thing.
I was starting to falling into him.

A week ago he told me that actually he has a GF but they're in their "Off" Period
He met his "off-GF", and his "off-GF" wants to get back on
I was shocked when he told me that he has an "off-GF"

Does that make me the other woman ?
If i told him to choose between me or her,does that make a b*tch ?
Here's the deal, don't give him the option, tell him he already lost you and you walk. Even if he "chooses" you in your ultimatum scenario, are you really ever going to be sure it's over with this off-GF? If he REALLY was into you, the off-GF wouldn't even be in the picture, because he'd be too worried about you finding out about her and would only want to be with you.

Doesn't sound like that's the case, sounds like he cares more about the off-GF and that you were a side deal, someone to be with while the off-GF was away and playing the "let's take a break" game. The fact he's even considering going back to his off-GF is evidence enough that you don't have a real relationship. If you're just looking for hookup then I say go for it, but if you want a committed guy, find it in someone else, he's not the one.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top