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First, please ignore the one poster who was shouting - such nonsense, wrong, and paranoid info.
But mostly, answer these questions: IF you found out the child is not yours, will you immediately end the marriage and divorce yourself from this child as well? Will knowing the outcome of DNA testing affect whether you love the child? Are you already treating this child differently than your other children? Are you capable of loving this child unconditionally, as you love the two you believe are yours?
I suggest that you find a therapist and discuss some of the answers to the above questions before you have DNA testing done.
Anyway, the baby has blue-ish greyish eyes. This eye color is dominant on my wifes mothers side of the family. In fact, when you look at Christmas pictures when all the extended family is there, most of the people have that eye color.
I have green eyes, my wife has greenish-hazel eyes. The cousin has the same eye color as the baby. None of the three other children have the same eye color.
Read a book on genetics. Eye color isnt a factor in determining paternaty. Generally brown is dominant then green then blue, but there are many genes involved in eye color. It is very likely for green and hazel to produce blue grey eyes.
Tell the mother you want the baby tested and get it done. It could save you years of worry and doubt...
When my first child was born, he was born with red hair much to my shock. My husband and his family kept asking me WHERE that red hair came from and I did NOT know. I had not been unfaithful so I KNEW he was the father. They didn't have DNA testing in those days and they were looking at me all the time asking where that red hair came from.. His family was all brown haired, mine were all blonds to white headed. I was just as puzzled as they were about the red hair...
One day I was visiting my Grandmother and told her how they were looking at me asking about the red hair and she started laughing.. Red hair ran in her family several generation back and then it lightened to blond and white hair so my puzzle was solved for me. I WISH they'd had DNA testing in those days to prove to the husband and family and saved them all those years of doubt about me.
Many years later, another son of mine had a child with red hair so it keeps popping up now and then, STILL!
This might be the wrong forum. If so, I apologize.
Backstory... I recently found out my wife and her cousin (yes, her cousin) were texting back and forth about how they wanted to hold each other, kiss each other, craved each other, etc. She was pregnant at the time.
My guestimation is that the child was conceived around Christmas 2008. This was a time when we were getting along pretty well, however. Still, she went over to his house by herself. Naturally I didn't think anything of it, them being cousins and all.
The baby was born (slightly pre-mature) in August. I found out about the texts in October. The cousin lives in Florida, we live in Virginia. Niether has been exactly forthcoming about anything about the "relationship" and they don't have their details together. My wife says it was just talk, because she was feeling lonely and she and I weren't getting along. And that the talk was all it ever was, and that it had only gone on for about 6-7 months at that time (October).
Anyway, the baby has blue-ish greyish eyes. This eye color is dominant on my wifes mothers side of the family. In fact, when you look at Christmas pictures when all the extended family is there, most of the people have that eye color.
I have green eyes, my wife has greenish-hazel eyes. The cousin has the same eye color as the baby. None of the three other children have the same eye color.
I have a sick feeling that the child might not be mine, and that something might have happened when she was with him at Christmas. Am I being paranoid?
No, your not paranoid. This happened to my brother and his wife. My brothers "second" child is in fact my ex sister in-laws cousins child.
This might be the wrong forum. If so, I apologize.
Backstory... I recently found out my wife and her cousin (yes, her cousin) were texting back and forth about how they wanted to hold each other, kiss each other, craved each other, etc. She was pregnant at the time.
My guestimation is that the child was conceived around Christmas 2008. This was a time when we were getting along pretty well, however. Still, she went over to his house by herself. Naturally I didn't think anything of it, them being cousins and all.
The baby was born (slightly pre-mature) in August. I found out about the texts in October. The cousin lives in Florida, we live in Virginia. Niether has been exactly forthcoming about anything about the "relationship" and they don't have their details together. My wife says it was just talk, because she was feeling lonely and she and I weren't getting along. And that the talk was all it ever was, and that it had only gone on for about 6-7 months at that time (October).
Anyway, the baby has blue-ish greyish eyes. This eye color is dominant on my wifes mothers side of the family. In fact, when you look at Christmas pictures when all the extended family is there, most of the people have that eye color.
I have green eyes, my wife has greenish-hazel eyes. The cousin has the same eye color as the baby. None of the three other children have the same eye color.
I have a sick feeling that the child might not be mine, and that something might have happened when she was with him at Christmas. Am I being paranoid?
Hi AmIParanoid,
Yes, get the test. You or the child are not going to want to find out 10 years down the road. It may even be affecting you bond now.
As for paranoia? No more than the instinct that has been pressed into male psyche for thousands of years.
Like I said, think about what you are trying to accomplish before opening this can of worms.
1. If you get the test and learn that the baby is yours, will that be the end of it? Can everybody relax and get on with their lives? Proving that the baby is yours does not mean that your wife has never been unfaithful, so if that is what is really bothering you, this test will not fix that.
2. If you get the test and learn that the baby is not yours, what then? I'm assuming you will want a divorce ... do you want joint custody of your children? Or do you want to be a single father with your two children and separate them from their mother and half-brother? Will you look at your other children and start wondering whether they are also yours?
3. What will you do if your wife does not want the baby to be tested? Her reasons could range from knowing that she cheated on you and fearing the outcome, to simply being angry that you still don't trust her and feeling punished.
You know yourself and your wife better than any of us, so only you can predict how you two will handle this issue. If you believe that knowing the baby is yours will make everything better and your wife is amenable, sure, go for it. But think about the alternatives and the consequences too.
Just curious. If the wife had a baby fathered by her 1st cousin. Would the baby be her child AND her 2nd cousin?
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