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So what happened, why did you cheat, what were the circumstances?
I just wanted what I wanted at the time, right or wrong. In one relationship I felt my needs weren't being fulfilled, in another it as just selfish desire on my part giving in to temptation. In another it was out of vengeance for having been cheated on myself. None of these are what you would call valid excuses, but in every situation I rationalized my actions or just didn't give it a second thought.
I did a lot of shytty things in my life, had a LOT of shytty things happen to me, but at no point did I ever consider myself a bad person. There was more good about me than bad, it's just that the bad always makes a bigger impression than the good. For all the good I've done, I still never looked down upon anyone for their shortcomings or their crimes. Well I take that back. I've looked down upon certain people for their crimes...child molestors and rapists are all scum to me. But I don't have to live with those people day in day out, so it rarely ever becomes an issue in real life. But most of us do have to interact with the cheaters, liars, and takers of the world on a daily basis, and many of us are just a challenge away from becoming that very person who we judge.
I'll probably get flogged like a baby seal for this, but I believe everyone is CAPABLE of cheating under the most ideal or not so ideal circumstances. Not everyone is put to that test, and not everyone would give in to that temptation, but we're all capable, and everyone has a skeleton in their closet, some just keep theirs hidden better or have bigger closets to hide them in.
FWIW, I will be 42 this year, the last time I was unfaithful I was in my mid-twenties.
Last edited by Coolhand68; 03-26-2010 at 03:01 PM..
Reason: Added info
How is it the spouse's fault? What do you mean by "pushing" someone toward cheating? By not meeting sexual needs? I've covered that way back in the thread. However, because I am lazy, I'm just going to plagiarize myself from a blog entry I wrote back in 2003 somewhere else. Please note that I'm using "you" in the general sense, and not referring to anyone in particular.
If your spouse has cheated, or was thinking about cheating, it's because both of you are not communicating adequately with each other. Is it your spouse's fault that he or she cheated? Yes. We're all responsible for our own actions. Your spouse is missing the courage or the integrity to face the problems in the marriage, bring them to you, and work it out with you. There may be reasons for that, however, and you need to find out what they are. He or she may have a valid point. And maybe he or she has already tried to reach you, and given up. That may be incredibly painful for you to swallow, but your spouse may indeed have a point, and you may have missed it.
Then again, maybe not. Maybe your spouse is full of [poop].
Now, if you aren't going to work with your spouse, your spouse has choices to make: Continue along as is, divorce, or cheat. Those are pretty much it.
The bottom line is that cheating is a choice. As with all choices, the responsibility and accountability for that final decision rests with the person who makes it.
So, C-D people, my value system tells me that cheating is the dishonorable option, for want of a better word. Never did I say divorce was simple. It's not. But cheating is a whole other layer of mess that very rarely works out. Some couples say an affair was actually good for their marriage, in that it forced them to confront the issues between themselves, and in the end they grew closer together.
Usually that's not the case, though. Usually it's the beginning of the end of the marriage. The end can take years, but cheating tends to be a turning point.
Y'all may disagree, and that's fine. Just don't be a tool about it, because that says more about you than it does about me.
Right. It’s what you value and what you are willing to tolerate. Some people have a lower threshold then others and just like cheating is a choice, the spouse being cheated on has a choice as to what she/he is willing to tolerate. Being true to your values doesn’t make you a condescending harpy who is an emasculating misandrist. It just makes your choices and the consequences easier to negotiate if you cannot tolerate or accept being the spouse cheated on.
Moreover, adulterous women were often stoned, flogged and killed since biblical times to being tarred and feathered, to modern times being ostracized unable to marry again- due to cheating. Men rarely got the same level of moral condemnation that women cheaters have because it was expected that men had needs and that the wife was not the final route to sexual satisfaction. Its only since the feminist movement in the 60-70’s that there was any dialogue to question that double standard; therefore I fail to see how men have been demonized to the extent that women adulterers often were. The only reason why it’s talked about more, is because we live in a 24/7 news cycle and a billion dollar celebrity machine. Cheating patterns haven’t changed significantly since the dawn of civilization over 5000 years ago. It s just that now women have a choice as to whether to stay or leave the marriage.
Lastly, Gary Neuman, did some extensive research for his book on why men cheat and the number one reason is not being appreciated by the spouse. It had nothing to do with the wife not being good in bed or not taking care of their husbands needs. It had nothing to do with the wife getting fat or letting her looks go(see Christie Brinkley or Tea Leoni)—just like women, men usually need an emotional connection.
Still, the potential health risk of being infected with an STD due to cheating is far greater problem than any moral posturing as to why cheating is wrong.
I'm a woman and even I know of the saying "For every hot woman, there is a guy who is tired of F'ing her". Guys like variety and it's irrelevant that the woman they are cheating with is less attractive, the fact the she is DIFFERENT than his wife is enough already. Anything that is DIFFERENT than a guy's wife (meaning every woman out there, whether prettier or uglier) is an attractive option. That's all there is to it.
Guys cheat because they want to have their cake and eat it too. They want a good wife to raise their kids and trashy girls to bang on the side. They can totally separate their sex lives with other women from their wives. To a lot of guys, sex with other women (besides the wife or gf) is just like getting a massage, it just feels good with no other meaning to it.
A man is only as faithful as his options. If a guy has the option of having sex with different women and not get caught, MOST guys will take this option.
If you don't want to get cheated on then just stay single (like I am doing) because the majority of men cheat. A lot of women are delusional and think their husbands would never cheat.
I plan to never get married (I'm 31 now). Eventually the guy will end up cheating (even if you are super kinky in bed and have sex 5x a day). Eventually a guy will get sick of the same woman over and over and want something different no matter how much she satisfies him in bed and no matter how attractive she is! She may look a Victoria Secret model and be a pornstar in bed, after awhile he will still crave something DIFFERENT. That's just the nature of men. It's just not worth it. I'm independent and self-sufficient; I don't need a man to "complete" me.
I suppose a woman is only as faithful as her man's paycheck.
So many fails in your post, I wouldn't know where to start.
I supported my ex financially for two years btw. He lived with me and never paid one bill or rent.
The MAJORITY of men are only as faithful as their options. Not ALL men, but a very high percentage of men. Come on, if a model type woman who was "completely your type" came on to you and started grabbing you, would you be able to turn her down? If you would be able to turn her down, that would make you an exceptional man and very rare indeed.
Even one of my ex boyfriends told me that he would not be able to stop a woman if she were to grab him and start touching him while he was in a relationship. Most men would not be able to turn that down.
I suppose a woman is only as faithful as her man's paycheck.
So many fails in your post, I wouldn't know where to start.
A lot of MEN have told me that they are only as faithful as their options. A lot of MEN have told me that any woman will do just because she is different and they want variety. This is not something that I personally made up. This is what MEN have told me. It comes from the source.
I supported my ex financially for two years btw. He lived with me and never paid one bill or rent.
The MAJORITY of men are only as faithful as their options. Not ALL men, but a very high percentage of men. Come on, if a model type woman who was "completely your type" came on to you and started grabbing you, would you be able to turn her down? If you would be able to turn her down, that would make you an exceptional man and very rare indeed.
Even one of my ex boyfriends told me that he would not be able to stop a woman if she were to grab him and start touching him while he was in a relationship. Most men would not be able to turn that down.
That's your fault for dealing with low calibre men who will jump and shag anything with a pulse. It says a lot about you as well when you associate yourself with such men.
A lot of MEN have told me that they are only as faithful as their options. A lot of MEN have told me that any woman will do just because she is different and they want variety. This is not something that I personally made up. This is what MEN have told me. It comes from the source.
There's a whole wide world outside your little circle of male friends/boyfriends. Again, it says a lot about you for associating with such low calibre of men. Way to go.
There's a whole wide world outside your little circle of male friends/boyfriends. Again, it says a lot about you for associating with such low calibre of men. Way to go.
I agree Of course men will be attracted to other women, but it says a lot about your connection with him, if he constantly cheats on you.
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Of course men will be attracted to other women, but it says a lot about your connection with him, if he constantly cheats on you.
