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Old 03-26-2010, 06:55 AM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,232 posts, read 46,534,074 times
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I have relatives on both sides (father's side and mother's side) that live mainly in Wisconsin that I haven't seen in 30 years. Now, I turn 40 this year, so losing touch cannot be blamed entirely on ME. I know a part of it was moving down to Florida--but that's only a partial explanation. I'm beginning to reconnect with some of them on Facebook.

Even assuming there was some conflict, who holds a grudge for 30 years? Certainly the kids in the equation aren't to blame. Why should they be punished if that's the situation?

Does it take a second generation to break the silence of the first?
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Old 03-26-2010, 07:18 AM
 
Location: Europe, in the Land of the mean
956 posts, read 1,762,642 times
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I think sometimes we get bogged down with the day-to-day tasks and work. We mean to call later then later turns to months and years. A generation or more ago, people often lived in the same towns or even streets so keeping in touch wasn't a problem. You go to the market and your cousin lives two blocks away so you just pop over. These days dropping by means a 6- hour flight and having to go thru many security checks.

I do try to keep in touch with my relatives, though. I call, text or visit them fairly regularly.One can always reach out even if there have been bad feelings between the preceding generations.
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Old 03-26-2010, 07:23 AM
 
4,897 posts, read 18,447,575 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TKramar View Post
I have relatives on both sides (father's side and mother's side) that live mainly in Wisconsin that I haven't seen in 30 years. Now, I turn 40 this year, so losing touch cannot be blamed entirely on ME. I know a part of it was moving down to Florida--but that's only a partial explanation. I'm beginning to reconnect with some of them on Facebook.

Even assuming there was some conflict, who holds a grudge for 30 years? Certainly the kids in the equation aren't to blame. Why should they be punished if that's the situation?

Does it take a second generation to break the silence of the first?


YES! it really does. most times people dont even remember WHY the families stopped speaking! but my parents always said, just because i dont speak to someone, doesnt mean you shouldnt.
when my now DH and i started getting serious, he told me straight out. if he ever had some problem with his family for any reason, that i was to 1. not get involved, and 2. not have it affect my relationship with them. i thought that was pretty mature of him.
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Old 03-26-2010, 07:30 AM
 
35,979 posts, read 30,525,859 times
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I think Gurda is right. I live in the same town as many of my cousins, aunts and my grandmother. I live on the same street as my sister and nephew, but I dont visit that often. It is a shame that about the only time we all get together is for a funeral. But everyone works and is busy with day to day routines. Sad.
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Old 03-26-2010, 07:38 AM
 
Location: EPWV
19,343 posts, read 9,421,716 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TKramar View Post
I have relatives on both sides (father's side and mother's side) that live mainly in Wisconsin that I haven't seen in 30 years. Now, I turn 40 this year, so losing touch cannot be blamed entirely on ME. I know a part of it was moving down to Florida--but that's only a partial explanation. I'm beginning to reconnect with some of them on Facebook.

Even assuming there was some conflict, who holds a grudge for 30 years? Certainly the kids in the equation aren't to blame. Why should they be punished if that's the situation?

Does it take a second generation to break the silence of the first?

I knew of a father who put out an edict, for the remaining family members never to speak w/ the eldest daughter and it appears even to this day, [30plus years] that promise has been kept. Don't understand it. Probably never will either.
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Old 03-26-2010, 07:49 AM
 
Location: EPWV
19,343 posts, read 9,421,716 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gudra View Post
I think sometimes we get bogged down with the day-to-day tasks and work. We mean to call later then later turns to months and years. A generation or more ago, people often lived in the same towns or even streets so keeping in touch wasn't a problem. You go to the market and your cousin lives two blocks away so you just pop over. These days dropping by means a 6- hour flight and having to go thru many security checks.

I do try to keep in touch with my relatives, though. I call, text or visit them fairly regularly.One can always reach out even if there have been bad feelings between the preceding generations.

I agree. Years back too when parents were still around, they used to have family reunions. Now, it's so hard to come up with a specific date too that all can get together because so and so's kids have sports activiities that they can't miss, or school - studying for finals, summer school, dr's appt's,
live too far away and can't afford the travel, ...etc..
One of these days ....
Maybe with the economy the way it is now and going., that more families will come together under one roof or live near by to assist one another.
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Old 03-26-2010, 07:55 AM
 
4,379 posts, read 5,366,366 times
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It could have been a past conflict, or they had busy lives that interrupted contact.

I also think it depends on how close the persons are related. If it's aunts, uncles, first cousins, etc. then yeah. But third cousins, great aunts, then perhaps not.
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Old 03-26-2010, 08:08 AM
 
Location: Europe, in the Land of the mean
956 posts, read 1,762,642 times
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Cat. you reminded me of something. Yes, if the parents or grandparents aren't alive or around then it is harder to ''lure'' someone to get together. The older folks offer a more neutral venue. You don't want to ''insult'' a relative on their own territory, for instance.
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Old 03-26-2010, 08:21 AM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,232 posts, read 46,534,074 times
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Well, what I was thinking is--just because we don't visit, because of geographical distance...when did we stop calling for Christmas, or sending Christmas cards? Really? I mean, that's what I'm liking about Facebook--that's were I'm reconnecting with the people I haven't seen in 30 years.

And, {cringe}, I'm planning to visit up in that state this summer. It's terribly impulsive of me. I hadn't any intentions of this before reconnecting--and knowing that I had money I could earmark specifically for the trip from my tax job.
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Old 03-26-2010, 08:34 AM
 
35,979 posts, read 30,525,859 times
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Good for you TK. Sometime it is you who must take that step to reconnect. I actually do like facebook for that reason. I am now Keeping in touch with my family at least weekly who I normally wouldnt speak to once a yr. Sometimes I talk to niece and sis more on fb when they are just next door.
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