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I was in the most loving relationship of my life. We are absolutely crazy about each other but i know i have to end it permanently because of my doubts.
A few years back he cheated on me. It wasnt a one night stand but an actual full blown relationship with another woman that lasted 6 months. I took him back but last year found him sexting and answering online personal ads. I tried taking him back again but the trust I have is gone.
He has promised to never do anything like he has again. I almost believe him but I am a never say never kind of person. I know the odds are stacked against me and just as I start trusting him he will do it again. And its not just the sex part...its all the lying.
I do not think I can get my original feelings for him back and have told him so. He is now trying to woo me back and my heart flutters every time he does or says something sweet. I know....i'm weak. I really love him so damn much.
So i turn to my CD friends. Please..talk me out of making this mistake again. I am not trying to lead him on by keeping contact with him and have told him i just want to remain friends. Truth is I cant imagine life without him and he knows it.
You trusted him and he betrayed you, which necessarily involved lying to you for six months. Then you gave him another chance and he betrayed you, and lied to you, again.
The feeling you're having now is the recognition that he will never change: if you don't dump him now, the question is not whether he will betray you again, but when. For all you know he could be cheating on you right now and lying about it and you wouldn't even know.
The problem here is your last sentence. You lived without him before you met him and you can live without him again. Stop telling yourself that you deserve to be treated as badly he's been treating you or he will just keep doing it.
Ten years from now, or twenty years from now, or when you're eighty, do you want to be looking back and wishing you had lived your life with a man who actually loved you? Dump him now.
My gut reaction is that you should consider some professional counseling to learn more about yourself and why you'd subject yourself to someone who cheated on you and continues to do so despite his protestations to the contrary.
The first thing to do is to cut off all ties with him. "Remaining friends" doesn't work for most and all you're doing by telling him that is perpetuating the hope within yourself that the leopard will change his spots and letting him know you're still on the hook and can be reeled in. Not healthy.
Expand your social circle, get out and start doing new things, take up some new interests and join the world in a different way. Everybody deserves self respect and the respect of others and life is too short to be wasting your time in a suspect and destructive relationship which is unlikely to change and will always have you looking mistrustfully over your shoulder.
You know what you should do for your own well being and I sincerely wish you the courage to follow through. Good luck!
Are you a doormat? Then why would you accept a man into your life who walks all over you every time you let him in? You were burned and not just once. This is a pattern and he knows that you will go weak in the knees every time he talks to you. He is manipulating you because you allow it. Unless you love being walked on, manipulated, lied to and made a fool of, I strongly suggest you cut off all communication with this man once and for all. Imagine if you had a daughter and a man did this to her, would you allow that? Be strong and say enough.
You have gotten so good advice so far, so I won't repeat it. But I will address the "friends" thing, which we were talking about yesterday on this board. Why do you want to be friends with him? What does that mean, anyway? Why can't you imagine him in your life?
I don't think you can be friends with this man when you are still raw and hurting. Give yourself time to heal.
He betrayed your trust more than once...he's used up his chances. You'll be better off without him. A relationship without trust is not a relationship...it's a prison sentence. Hugs to you...I know this isn't easy.
You trusted him and he betrayed you, which necessarily involved lying to you for six months. Then you gave him another chance and he betrayed you, and lied to you, again.
The feeling you're having now is the recognition that he will never change: if you don't dump him now, the question is not whether he will betray you again, but when. For all you know he could be cheating on you right now and lying about it and you wouldn't even know.
The problem here is your last sentence. You lived without him before you met him and you can live without him again. Stop telling yourself that you deserve to be treated as badly he's been treating you or he will just keep doing it.
Ten years from now, or twenty years from now, or when you're eighty, do you want to be looking back and wishing you had lived your life with a man who actually loved you? Dump him now.
^^^^
THIS, plain and simple.
If you cannot imagine life without him, then you NEED to spend some serious time alone in order to discover who the heck you are. You aren't even a complete person, and I don't mean in that BS "you complete me" way, I mean something is missing because you make it sound like if he's gone you won't be able to stand on your own two feet.
You lived before him -- you'll live after him.
Everything else is just you being scared -- and I want you to listen to the thing I'm about to tell you:
If he goes, you'll be okay, I promise.
Everything will be okay -- I promise.
You'll be okay. You'll feel scared at first because you've been at this for a while -- but you'll be okay.
You'll be okay. Everything -- EVERYTHING -- will be okay.
Do it, lose him now, drop him like a hot rock -- because you'll be okay.
You're kidding me, right? Most of the time I say that cheating is a symptom of deeper problems, but your husband is the exception I've always acknowledged exists. Takle your post print it our. Tape it to your bathroom mirror, or your bedroom mirror, put in on your computer at work, carry it in your wallet.
Instead of clinging to the "good times", remember how hurt and betrayed you felt whne you found out he had an affair. Remember what a fool you felt like after you took him back and you found him about to cheat again.
What exactly makes you think that when he wins you back this time it will be any different? As soon as he thinks the coast is clear, he'll have another woman, but he'll be more discreet. If you find out about her, you'll "threaten" to leave him, he'll woo you again, you'll take him back, and the cyle will continue until you get it through your thick skull that the only satisfying relationship he will ever have with you is one where you agree to his affairs. And EVERYTIME you take him back, you agree to share. And eventually he'll take for granted that you really don't care if he cheats, as long as he is discreet about it.
Your decision is: accept his cheating and stay or decide you deserve better and move on.
Leave him. Don't look back. The pain you have and will have is but for a little while. The happiness you will get by making this decision now is priceless.
Ditto all the advice here. I think it's OK to forgive sometimes, depending. But it takes a special person to be able to do that. Not sure I could. You did and he does it again? He won't stop this behaviour, ever. He will just try harder to hide it. Is that what you want?
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