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Old 03-29-2010, 02:46 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,892 posts, read 14,080,908 times
Reputation: 2324

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Recently started seeing someone who is recently divorced. Xwife was the one who wanted the divorce. Now that she's learned her x is seeing me the **** has hit the fan...I don't take it personally, as he could be seeing anyone IMO and this could happen.

Thoughts?
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Old 03-29-2010, 02:50 PM
 
26,142 posts, read 31,083,275 times
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You're the first one out of the barn for him? I say, 'transitional other' and one of you will move on.
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Old 03-29-2010, 02:52 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,892 posts, read 14,080,908 times
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Not sure if I"m the first person he's dated since December, however....
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Old 03-29-2010, 02:53 PM
 
5,879 posts, read 9,220,630 times
Reputation: 2753
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ladywithafan View Post
Recently started seeing someone who is recently divorced. Xwife was the one who wanted the divorce. Now that she's learned her x is seeing me the **** has hit the fan...I don't take it personally, as he could be seeing anyone IMO and this could happen.

Thoughts?
Don't even get me started on this topic! It is even worse when they had a BF in between that that didn't inform you of! IMO, H*** no!!!
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Old 03-29-2010, 02:57 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,628,583 times
Reputation: 10379
I recently ended something with a recently divorced person. It's too bad because I really liked him a LOT. The issue was, the emotional give and take between us was highly skewed. 90% was me supporting him emotionally and 10% was him supporting me. Let's take you situation as an example: I would have had to emotionally support him through the pain of having an ex-wife act like a bee-otch while setting aside how I felt about having this outside influence on a budding relationship I enjoyed otherwise. We had 3-4 discussions a week about the ex, the children, how he felt about everything. there was no room for me to have any personal issues to discuss.

I don't can't say for sure whether he is simply emotionally selfish or if its just what happens when a person gets divorced... surely I was emotionally selfish too when I was going through the same thing.

No idea whether any of this applies to you, but its something to look out for.
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Old 03-29-2010, 02:58 PM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
10,162 posts, read 20,699,676 times
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She probably didn't think he'd move on so fast. She enjoyed having the upper hand since she was the one who wanted divorce. Now she no longer has a spell cast over him, he's moved on.
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Old 03-29-2010, 03:04 PM
 
Location: California
37,032 posts, read 41,957,933 times
Reputation: 34834
He has been divorced only 3 months then, since December? I would say there is probably going to be a lot of issues between them for at least a year, more if they were married a long time. And regardless of your view of things its NOT just going to be his crazy ex causing trouble, he will also be reacting and responding to things his ex is doing. Things are rarely one sided. If you choose to stay with him just tell yourself you won't be seeing the real picture and that it will take some time for him to loose the baggage and move forward with you. And for god's sake, whatever you do, DO NOT get involved in any of their drama. If you can't stay out of it then bail now.
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Old 03-29-2010, 03:08 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,892 posts, read 14,080,908 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68 View Post
She probably didn't think he'd move on so fast. She enjoyed having the upper hand since she was the one who wanted divorce. Now she no longer has a spell cast over him, he's moved on.
I do believe this to be the case.
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Old 03-29-2010, 03:09 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,628,583 times
Reputation: 10379
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceece View Post
He has been divorced only 3 months then, since December? I would say there is probably going to be a lot of issues between them for at least a year, more if they were married a long time. And regardless of your view of things its NOT just going to be his crazy ex causing trouble, he will also be reacting and responding to things his ex is doing. Things are rarely one sided. If you choose to stay with him just tell yourself you won't be seeing the real picture and that it will take some time for him to loose the baggage and move forward with you. And for god's sake, whatever you do, DO NOT get involved in any of their drama. If you can't stay out of it then bail now.
This is it right here.

OP will ignore this though, in favor of something which paints the ex as the true culprit.
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Old 03-29-2010, 03:09 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,892 posts, read 14,080,908 times
Reputation: 2324
Quote:
Originally Posted by Onglet39 View Post
I recently ended something with a recently divorced person. It's too bad because I really liked him a LOT. The issue was, the emotional give and take between us was highly skewed. 90% was me supporting him emotionally and 10% was him supporting me. Let's take you situation as an example: I would have had to emotionally support him through the pain of having an ex-wife act like a bee-otch while setting aside how I felt about having this outside influence on a budding relationship I enjoyed otherwise. We had 3-4 discussions a week about the ex, the children, how he felt about everything. there was no room for me to have any personal issues to discuss.

I don't can't say for sure whether he is simply emotionally selfish or if its just what happens when a person gets divorced... surely I was emotionally selfish too when I was going through the same thing.

No idea whether any of this applies to you, but its something to look out for.
Thank you...I've been divorced for almost 10 years. Luckily, I have no personal issues at the moment. But will definitely keep this in mind!
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