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Thanks for checking. Doing just so-so today but trying to stay strong. Since the Wednesday night 100% "we're done" move out I haven't been sleeping well for some reason...and last night I seem to recall bits of a dream where we were still together and the wedding was on. It seemed real so that was weird.
I had to go into her place of work today to finish some business (scheduled around her schedule tho) and saw her co-workers who were all very friendly. One came up and took me aside to tell mr she felt i was "dealt a bad hand" and let me know that she and her SO would meet up for dinner or to talk anytime if I needed anything and gave me a hug. It was a nice gesture though I am sure she is still friendly with my ex too. But I guess it was nice to know that at least the truth of what she had did (maybe not the extent but at least the fact she cheated) had gotten around the office. Sadly, it seems to generally just get accepted these days.
Tough weekend ahead with nothing to do alone tonight, but a social event tomorrow and plans for Monday and Friday with friends next week already.
A little down today, but that's to be expected I suppose. The rejection and being replaced is stinging again today.
Thanks for checking. Doing just so-so today but trying to stay strong. Since the Wednesday night 100% "we're done" move out I haven't been sleeping well for some reason...and last night I seem to recall bits of a dream where we were still together and the wedding was on. It seemed real so that was weird.
I had to go into her place of work today to finish some business (scheduled around her schedule tho) and saw her co-workers who were all very friendly. One came up and took me aside to tell mr she felt i was "dealt a bad hand" and let me know that she and her SO would meet up for dinner or to talk anytime if I needed anything and gave me a hug. It was a nice gesture though I am sure she is still friendly with my ex too. But I guess it was nice to know that at least the truth of what she had did (maybe not the extent but at least the fact she cheated) had gotten around the office. Sadly, it seems to generally just get accepted these days.
Tough weekend ahead with nothing to do alone tonight, but a social event tomorrow and plans for Monday and Friday with friends next week already.
A little down today, but that's to be expected I suppose. The rejection and being replaced is stinging again today.
Go to a movie BY YOURSELF and afterward, go to a restaurant BY YOURSELF. Take a book if necessary (for the second one).
Being by yourself after such a long time takes practice and you have to re-learn.
The movie and the eats are a good place to start; they're simple and unobtrusive, yet occupy the mind.
Good advice for sure. I will be okay. I am actually good at being alone, it's just an adjustment. But not a huge one considering our relationship had gotten so separated lately due to her being back in her office drinking and wedding planning for the past year most of her spare time in the house, and me doing other stuff around the house (which was the catalyst for the rest of this, sure, but again better to know you are with a cheater before you get married regardless of how it happens).
We stopped doing dinners and movies on Friday and Saturday nights because movie theaters are packed with obnoxious high school kids and she didn't like waiting in lines or crowds at restaurants. Plus we just got out of a nasty winter where there wasn't the best weather to be out driving around on the weekends anyway. Obviously of course that is all changing now with spring here.
So all that said I have sort of already been "alone" just with the occasional contact anyway, she had been busy retreating into her space with the wedding plans, the beer, and eventually the secret convos with the new guy, so really it's not as HUGE an adjustment as if we were spending a ton of time together on the weekends, anyway. I just need to get away from my thoughts sometimes, like you say, as they can actually be worse than any physical loneliness.
DMKK I think it is normal to kind of fall apart now ~ the important thing is that you held it together around her and you did a great job.
You should have your thoughts, address them or deal with them and let them go in order to move on.
You have been extremely hurt by someone and that will take time.
I think what you need to go through right now is quite personal. I am glad you started that thread and had a place to vent and I commend you as you seem to have kept your cool through a rough time.
I wouldn't worry what others think and I bet those workers in her office are right behind you especially knowing what she did.
I certainly wish you well in your journey of the heart and I can almost guarantee in time you are going to be just fine.
What woman wouldn't want a nice guy like you. The "Right" one is out there waiting for you to find her......Never settle and go with your gut because that is never wrong.
I had to go into her place of work today to finish some business (scheduled around her schedule tho) and saw her co-workers who were all very friendly. One came up and took me aside to tell mr she felt i was "dealt a bad hand" and let me know that she and her SO would meet up for dinner or to talk anytime if I needed anything and gave me a hug. It was a nice gesture though I am sure she is still friendly with my ex too. But I guess it was nice to know that at least the truth of what she had did (maybe not the extent but at least the fact she cheated) had gotten around the office. Sadly, it seems to generally just get accepted these days.
You can probably rest assured that other people in that office feel you got a raw deal, too. It takes courage to do what her co-worker did.
If it seems like your ex's cheating is being "accepted," it's most likely because the other people have to work with your ex, and getting along with her is the professional thing to do. That doesn't mean they approve of it. That one of them came up to you says a lot, boy howdy.
Thanks for checking. Doing just so-so today but trying to stay strong. Since the Wednesday night 100% "we're done" move out I haven't been sleeping well for some reason...and last night I seem to recall bits of a dream where we were still together and the wedding was on. It seemed real so that was weird.
I had to go into her place of work today to finish some business (scheduled around her schedule tho) and saw her co-workers who were all very friendly. One came up and took me aside to tell mr she felt i was "dealt a bad hand" and let me know that she and her SO would meet up for dinner or to talk anytime if I needed anything and gave me a hug. It was a nice gesture though I am sure she is still friendly with my ex too. But I guess it was nice to know that at least the truth of what she had did (maybe not the extent but at least the fact she cheated) had gotten around the office. Sadly, it seems to generally just get accepted these days.
Tough weekend ahead with nothing to do alone tonight, but a social event tomorrow and plans for Monday and Friday with friends next week already.
A little down today, but that's to be expected I suppose. The rejection and being replaced is stinging again today.
Hi DMKK
I had reoccurring nightmares for about a year after my first serious girl friend breakup. We were always back together with people talking about how great it was while I was mute and wanted out. Its part of the process.
I had reoccurring nightmares for about a year after my first serious girl friend breakup. We were always back together with people talking about how great it was while I was mute and wanted out. Its part of the process.
This was the first one but I am sure she won't be out of them for good, but like feelings they should fade in time. Tonight I got stuck in one of those "all the good times / all the ways we were good for each other" loops and can't seem to get myself to think of all the BAD times and the cheating and all that.
But I realize it's just all part of the process. You can't turn your brain off.
You can probably rest assured that other people in that office feel you got a raw deal, too. It takes courage to do what her co-worker did.
If it seems like your ex's cheating is being "accepted," it's most likely because the other people have to work with your ex, and getting along with her is the professional thing to do. That doesn't mean they approve of it. That one of them came up to you says a lot, boy howdy.
Thanks, yeah, the girl who was to be her maid of honor in the wedding also works there, and is the one who really confirmed she was cheating and let me know in the first place. At the time she told me there were no longer friends outside of the workplace but who knows, that could change. At one point she had said she was angry because OTHER people in the office knew she was cheating on me before SHE did -- In other words, was she more mad about the fact her best friend was cheating on her fiance or just that she wasn't the first to know? That sort of threw me for a weird loop.
All that said, she and the other friends of hers I keep in touch with (and saw today) have all been very kind and supportive to me. They probably don't know the whole story but at least enough to know that I was wronged in this. At the end of the day it doesn't matter, I guess, but at least I think it's good to know, when she starts bringing this new guy around these people, charming as he may be, accepted as he may be, I hope no one forgets how they started.
Still hating the fact I am the one left with no one and she gets all the benefits, darn it.
DMKK I think it is normal to kind of fall apart now ~ the important thing is that you held it together around her and you did a great job.
You should have your thoughts, address them or deal with them and let them go in order to move on.
You have been extremely hurt by someone and that will take time.
I think what you need to go through right now is quite personal. I am glad you started that thread and had a place to vent and I commend you as you seem to have kept your cool through a rough time.
I wouldn't worry what others think and I bet those workers in her office are right behind you especially knowing what she did.
I certainly wish you well in your journey of the heart and I can almost guarantee in time you are going to be just fine.
What woman wouldn't want a nice guy like you. The "Right" one is out there waiting for you to find her......Never settle and go with your gut because that is never wrong.
Thanks, this is not near where I was when it first started, my stomach isn't in knots, I feel I can eat...I feel I can function a little more than I have been. The thoughts are still there and even the longing for things to be "the way they were" but I have to remember it's still only been a couple of weeks, really.
I will be here and hope some of the others who have posted will as well, if they feel inspired to say anything. There is no doubt in my mind that I am a good guy, and a nice guy, though I do feel a little damaged as far as trust in relationships now to have seen this happen to me.
I am happy for the most part the way I carried myself with her since learning of her cheating and lying, it seems she made a lot of efforts, even as little as a few days ago, to stir up old emotions for some reason but she just never once took any steps toward regret or reconciliation, which hurts a little still, because it makes me feel even less significant to her (you hear how some get caught or still want to come right home, when they turn and run and don't look back it's an even bigger ego hit).
All that said, I will survive this.
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