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Thanks, I will re-assert my stance on her getting everything out as soon as possible. I assume I forced her into a place with the new guy as I know she was not staying with any friends (they all sort of shunned her for this, at least temporarily, though they are not the most moral bunch themselves, and will likely take her back and forgive her).
She has told me she doesn't want me to touch her stuff, but I would very much like to pack it up and stack it in the garage for her so she didn't even have to come into the house. Also I was planning to help her carry the heavier things to her car or should I force her to have to bring guys over (possibly the new guy) to my home to move heavy things? I don't want that drama.
I am trying hard to do a no contact but she has re-asserted that I can't simply kick her out since she lived here for 4 years and I think she is right, so I have been trying to keep it civil. This time I will avoid her when she is here packing though, I made the mistake of talking to her and following her when she was here Sunday night (stupid I realize) after she spent the whole weekend with the new guy (and proceeded to post on her social networking sites all the great fun things she was doing), which is why I immediately removed all those connections.
Tough stuff. So you think this is a selfish thing huh? Despite having a ball with the new guy and being free of this relationship she still doesn't want to fully let go?
I think that behavior after the cheating is reflective of thinking of herself alone and not what its doing to you. That could be because she is a jerk or she just lacks the maturity to exercise empathy for others.
Legally if her name is not on the lease you can chuck herself in the street right this second. Most states' laws consider abandonment of property in 30-90 days. It becomes the property of the person on the lease after that.
Women can lift heavy things or have friends help them. It really does not matter what she wants you to touch.She did not care what she touched. Just don't break it.
Give her the bill ...she will know that you know, tell her to get a van or truck and give her a certain date to get everything out and end it but do not be there when she removes it all...If you don't mind extra work, have it all ready at the door for her.
If you are the subscriber on the bill I am guessing you can have her removed.
Your story broke my heart . You sound like a very nice man, and I hate it when people take advantage of that. I know how it feels to realize that someone you thought you knew so well turns out to be a completely different person. I can imagine how miserable you are right now, but the good news is that you WILL feel a huge relief soon and you WILL be very happy again. I wish good luck and please don't let this affect your wonderful personality too much.
I agree about not letting her have her stuff back until she pays the phone bill. I was in the same situation and gave him his stuff back.. He left me with MANY unpaid bills.
Well from an older persons point of view see the OP as having a 4 yr shackup with one person looking and finding a warmer place to put her body. Fact that she strayed says some things. Reverse the situation of a male doing the same thing when all is not cozy.
If two people living together after a yr are not married then the chances of getting there will probably never be... happened in this case.
The 4 yrs sounded like a living arrangement with some sack time thrown in.
She was NOT satisfied with something and started looking elsewhere...OP should look at himself in the mirror and understand why.
Well from an older persons point of view see the OP as having a 4 yr shackup with one person looking and finding a warmer place to put her body. Fact that she strayed says some things. Reverse the situation of a male doing the same thing when all is not cozy.
If two people living together after a yr are not married then the chances of getting there will probably never be... happened in this case.
The 4 yrs sounded like a living arrangement with some sack time thrown in.
She was NOT satisfied with something and started looking elsewhere...OP should look at himself in the mirror and understand why.
Steve
Sorry but people do cheat for other reasons than the person they are with. You don't pick fair weather friends for LT commitments. That is a BAD idea. Sometimes the weather out there sucks and you have to deal with it without hurting the person you are with. It usually ends up hurting the cheater too anyway. So its basically like choosing to throw yourself over hot coals face first when you cheat. No one that was thinking strait would do that. People that act in dysfunctional ways are coming from a dysfunctional base that was created before you even knew them.
I agree about not letting her have her stuff back until she pays the phone bill. I was in the same situation and gave him his stuff back.. He left me with MANY unpaid bills.
Um...I think this one would use that as an excuse to keep contact as a "safety net". If she was 100% on moving out her crap would be gone. Money can be replaced with much less stress than emotional repair requires. If she was being more cut and dry that would be a good idea...but this chick is stringing him along.
Well from an older persons point of view see the OP as having a 4 yr shackup with one person looking and finding a warmer place to put her body. Fact that she strayed says some things. Reverse the situation of a male doing the same thing when all is not cozy.
If two people living together after a yr are not married then the chances of getting there will probably never be... happened in this case.
The 4 yrs sounded like a living arrangement with some sack time thrown in.
She was NOT satisfied with something and started looking elsewhere...OP should look at himself in the mirror and understand why.
Steve
Apparently, you didn't read the OP's first post when he stated they were to be married in 2 months.
I agree with pitt transplant. When she comes over tonight, present her with the bills and ask her to make arrangements to pay you within two weeks or whatever (as PT says, no further visit necessary). Whatever belongings she doesn't take out tonight, tell her that whatever is left she has x number of days to remove IN ONE TRIP at a mutually convenient time. See how that goes.
Don't discuss the past, keep everything cordial and just talk business, period. No need for you to be beaten up any more than necessary - and maybe just be thankful that you found out now rather than later. Good luck! Better things are ahead!
PS. Just because she lived with you for four years doesn't mean she has any rights unless she's on a lease.
^^solid advice right there!
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Just don't break it.
. You sound like a very nice man, and I hate it when people take advantage of that. I know how it feels to realize that someone you thought you knew so well turns out to be a completely different person. I can imagine how miserable you are right now, but the good news is that you WILL feel a huge relief soon and you WILL be very happy again. I wish good luck and please don't let this affect your wonderful personality too much.