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Old 04-02-2010, 12:27 AM
 
5 posts, read 25,452 times
Reputation: 10

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As you can read the title, my wife of 1 year is still contacting the OM. It's been now 5 hours since she left. I demanded it has to stop but she doesn't seem to care. In fact I get blame for being neglectful in the past and too focus on working. Even after the emails I found which contained strong details, she keeps denying there was ever sex.

Just two days ago she even had the nerves to tell me I can date other women if I want to (I just want my marriage back). What's going on? I want the same woman I met years ago. Every time I mentioned counseling she gets upset and states how I'm the problem.

It's been 2 months I'm dealing with this and apparently she doesn't care about me one bit.

Here are some solutions I can think of right now:
1) Hoping she'll forget about the OM and agree to go to counseling with me
2) Throw a fit and kick her to the curb as I'm really getting fed up with it
3) Find out where the OM lives and beat the crap out of him.

Is there some hope she'll change and work on our marriage or should I just proceed towards filing for divorce? I haven't told my mother about what she'd done as it'll cause for hatred. She never liked my then girlfriend to which it created a huge argument to the point I didn't speak to her for months.
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Old 04-02-2010, 12:38 AM
 
5,879 posts, read 9,220,178 times
Reputation: 2753
Quote:
Originally Posted by veryconfusednow View Post
As you can read the title, my wife of 1 year is still contacting the OM. It's been now 5 hours since she left. I demanded it has to stop but she doesn't seem to care. In fact I get blame for being neglectful in the past and too focus on working. Even after the emails I found which contained strong details, she keeps denying there was ever sex.

Just two days ago she even had the nerves to tell me I can date other women if I want to (I just want my marriage back). What's going on? I want the same woman I met years ago. Every time I mentioned counseling she gets upset and states how I'm the problem.

It's been 2 months I'm dealing with this and apparently she doesn't care about me one bit.

Here are some solutions I can think of right now:
1) Hoping she'll forget about the OM and agree to go to counseling with me
2) Throw a fit and kick her to the curb as I'm really getting fed up with it
3) Find out where the OM lives and beat the crap out of him.

Is there some hope she'll change and work on our marriage or should I just proceed towards filing for divorce? I haven't told my mother about what she'd done as it'll cause for hatred. She never liked my then girlfriend to which it created a huge argument to the point I didn't speak to her for months.
It only gets worse buddy. I would move on if it were me. That sucks!!! She doesn't seem to respect you enough so why respect her? Good luck buddy!
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Old 04-02-2010, 12:43 AM
 
Location: New Hampshire
4,865 posts, read 5,653,125 times
Reputation: 3786
Get a divorce and find someone better.
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Old 04-02-2010, 12:43 AM
 
5 posts, read 25,452 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2RUGGED4YOU View Post
It only gets worse buddy. I would move on if it were me. That sucks!!! She doesn't seem to respect you enough so why respect her? Good luck buddy!
I think there is no other option than to start filing for divorce. though I still want to beat the crap out of the OM.
I would be willing to stay if she wanted to and at least displayed some remorse.

The sad part is I still love her.
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Old 04-02-2010, 12:45 AM
 
5 posts, read 25,452 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by KickAssArmyChick View Post
Get a divorce and find someone better.
I know but it won't be easy. All those moments I have invested with her will soon be gone forever.
I know other men would have probably throw her or left immediately, yet I couldn't. I was thinking there was some hope she would see what I'd being put through. I wish I can hate her but I love her still.
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Old 04-02-2010, 12:50 AM
 
Location: southwest TN
8,568 posts, read 18,025,835 times
Reputation: 16701
How about taking the high road? Start divorce proceedings since you cannot force her to stop cheating or to go into therapy. Put thoughts of the OM out of your mind as violence towards him (or her) will only result in YOUR being incarcerated. And the high road: Just tell your mother it didn't work out. Details are not something your mother needs to hear - if only to prevent you having to listen to an "I told you so" now and in the future. Additionally, why trouble your mother? You presumably are an adult who didn't take mom's advice before, so why burden her now?
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Old 04-02-2010, 12:52 AM
 
5,879 posts, read 9,220,178 times
Reputation: 2753
Quote:
Originally Posted by veryconfusednow View Post
I think there is no other option than to start filing for divorce. though I still want to beat the crap out of the OM.
I would be willing to stay if she wanted to and at least displayed some remorse.

The sad part is I still love her.
Most guys still do buddy! At least for a while they do. After you see and realize what they did or have done to you it gets easier and easier to move on. IMO, trust your good old fashioned gut on this one. If those emails are sexually explicit or charged I would take that at face value and not let her lie out of it. If your instincts tell you something is going on, chances are something is. Women are just like men. You have ones who couldn't remain faithful if their life depended on it and you have ones that couldn't cheat if their life depended on it. It's a strange world out there and you only hope you get a good one.
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Old 04-02-2010, 01:01 AM
 
5 posts, read 25,452 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by NY Annie View Post
How about taking the high road? Start divorce proceedings since you cannot force her to stop cheating or to go into therapy. Put thoughts of the OM out of your mind as violence towards him (or her) will only result in YOUR being incarcerated. And the high road: Just tell your mother it didn't work out. Details are not something your mother needs to hear - if only to prevent you having to listen to an "I told you so" now and in the future. Additionally, why trouble your mother? You presumably are an adult who didn't take mom's advice before, so why burden her now?
Thank you and yes sadly I'm going to start filing for divorce anything this week.
After that's done then I might be single for a long time. I calculate my recovery process will not happen overnight. I know most of my friend would suggest meeting women at nightclubs. The problem is I don't even like drinking and partying isn't my hobby.

I didn't take my mother's advice years early. I did what probably not many people would have done which is to place your spouse into a pedestal (even if that meant going against your own mother and not speaking to her for months).
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Old 04-02-2010, 01:20 AM
 
4,282 posts, read 10,717,586 times
Reputation: 3804
why would you even contemplate staying with her? Grow a pair
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Old 04-02-2010, 01:37 AM
 
18,270 posts, read 14,359,918 times
Reputation: 12980
Your mother doesn't need to know any details. Like NYAnnie said, why bring her into this? You are an adult and only your wife and you handle the details of the relationship, nobody else, not even your friends. So, you do need to divorce her. You know why? Because she told you that you were the problem, and because she refuses to work for the relationship, to better it. She just doesn't care. And like 2Rugged said, it is bad, and it will only get worse, because she doesn't care. Sorry about your situation. I don't think you are the problem, btw. That is something she is saying because she doesn't want to accept that she is doing you wrong.
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