Any bread-winner wives/gf's on this forum? (past or present)(moved) (marriages, woman)
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I think so long as our salaries are in the same ballpark it's not an issue. If I'm earning $100K per year and she's pulling down $150K not a big deal. But if she's earning millions to my $100K it could possibly present a challenge or two down the road. All depends on your chemistry, priorities, and the dynamic between you. I would never rule someone out just because they earned more or less though. Money would not be a priority to me if I were dating.
I would and have before in the past. Money means nothing to me in a relationship. Sometimes it does make you wonder why a woman who makes substantially more than you do is interested in you though. I don't think it matters either way. Go for the person not for their career or paycheck. The important thing to remember is financial situations change in the course of a lifetime. I think I heard that already, "for rich or for poor"!
Right on to the statements in bold. It's none of my woman's business how much money I make and I'll tell her that straight-up. Just know I have a job and self employment income on the side, that's it. Done dada
A previous thread about the majority of women being money minded when it comes to dating got me thinking....
If a women made more money than you would you still date her? Would you find it too masculine or intimidating? Or does it not matter who earns more?
I would have no problem dating her. I would not be intimidated. It does not matter to me who earns more.
There is a limit.
People in general live a lifestyle that is based on their income.
Her normal routine and added activities may be out of my budget range.
And I'd rather not have her pay for me so it would not work.
I'd feel like a leech.
I have read and am very familiar with the article you referred to. In my situation, I did not marry someone thinking that there would be a great difference in earning potential. My husband has his MBA and has many years' experience in his industry. I am a lawyer. I expected that we would have similar incomes - or that he might earn more than me. Instead, what was once a $20K gap has grown to a 100K gap through the years.
But beyond the numbers - because, really, life is a journey and we never know what might happen to us, I could get in a car accident tomorrow and have my earning potential reduced to nothing - my husband's spending habits and underachieving ways are what have undermined our marriage. I don't mind that he makes less. I mind that he makes less because he chooses to work at a job for which he is overqualified, which allows him to work from home many days, which he takes as an oportunity to play golf almost every Friday (while "working"), sit at home on the other days in his pajamas, unshaven all day, with the television on - all the while, planning his next purchase.
It's all about contribution to the realtionship and household. If one has income that can conver the finances and the other offers skills that enhance home life - all is well.
I'd rather have a productive spouse that bring home $0, than a capable but lazy bum.
If I were a man whose wife just hung out with her friends all day and spent money - I'd be pissed. Gender shouldn't matter.
A dear friend of mine is the breadwinner for her family of four. Her husband works part-time, on weekends, and is a fantastic "Mr. Mom." He's the cook, housekeeper, and takes care of the kids on weekdays. They're a very happy family! (Oh, BTW, this isn't still in the "honeymoon stage" - this has been their family dynamic for 20+ years.)
Larkmoni, I completely understand where you are coming from.
But, it's nice to see that this dynamic works for so many.
I really wasn't asking as it pertains to dating because obviously when you are dating there is a different dynamic there.
However, at some point during the relationship prior to marriage, finances, credit, etc. must be discussed.
I think it a little naive to assume that things will be just fine once you marry them and after the wedding you find out about their 500 credit score that is going to jack your interest rates and insurance premiums for the next 7 years.
When is the proper time to discuss these issues? In my mind I'd like to know something like this even before the proposal.
Also, looks can be deceiving. Somone might have a great car, nice things and be waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay over extended. In fact, I think it's more likely that they are in a lot of debt if they have a lot of high end things than that they make a boat load of money and are debt free.
Also, looks can be deceiving. Somone might have a great car, nice things and be waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay over extended. In fact, I think it's more likely that they are in a lot of debt if they have a lot of high end things than that they make a boat load of money and are debt free.
I see that a lot. People with Toyota salaries driving around in BMW's. Nothing wrong with that if that's how you choose to spend your money and that's where your priorities lie, but I think there are often misperceptions about how financially secure someone is based on the car they drive or clothes they wear. Most of the people I know with money live a very modest lifestyle. My uncle is a millionaire, he drives the same Toyota Camry for the last ten or more years now and owns a modest 2 bedroom home on Long Island that he paid $30K for back in the late 70's, nothing fancy.
I am the breadwinner. My husband just started a job after being off for 3 months. However, even before this I made 3 times his salary.
I would be fine with it if a man did his part at home. If he was the SAHD, he would do the SAHD tasks. I don't think anyone, regardless of gender, should have to come home and doing all the housework if there is a perfect capable adult at home all day.
I think the key to a happy home is partnership and teamwork.
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