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I've been married for 1 year and it's not going good and im NOT HAPPY!!! It's got to the point were i've packed up most of my stuff . I seem to be playing games with my mind should i stay and not give up ? Or just relize it's not going to get better. I can't seem to get rid of all the anger and pain that we have caused one another. But at the same time I don't want to let him go either. My health is starting to suffer and im finding myself being really depressed !!!!!!
I've been married for 1 year and it's not going good and im NOT HAPPY!!! It's got to the point were i've packed up most of my stuff . I seem to be playing games with my mind should i stay and not give up ? Or just relize it's not going to get better. I can't seem to get rid of all the anger and pain that we have caused one another. But at the same time I don't want to let him go either. My health is starting to suffer and im finding myself being really depressed !!!!!!
You may want to post in the Relationships forum. Good luck.
Well, first of all, let me say right up front that as a Christian, I view marriage as a life-long commitment before God only to be broken in very extreme circumstances. So that's where I'm coming from and you may or may not agree.
Secondly, let me say that I got married at 19 and tomorrow we will celebrate our 32nd anniversary. That all said, let me tell you the first year and even the first five years were not easy. We fought like cats and dogs! We lived in an apartment and I was embarrassed to see our neighbors because I'm sure they could hear us arguing all the time!
But the bottom line is we really did love each other and we were committed to staying married. So we worked it out. We are now very happily married and almost NEVER fight. Not to say we don't have issues come up but for the most part, it's pretty peaceful We learned when to let it go and what buttons not to push We also learned that very little is really worth fighting over in the long run. I recall a lot of the fight we had in those early days but I can't even remember WHAT the issue was in most cases. Today I cannot imagine living my life without my sweet husband.
Since you asked for advice, I would say IMHO, try and stay and work it out.
Seek counseling if you feel you need it. If you don't have a minister, most of the larger churches will counsel you whether you attend there or not.
So, in short, IMHO...stay unless the circumstances are very dire and try to work it out.
You may want to post in the Relationships forum. Good luck.
Um...Paula...I believe this "is" the relationship forum!
So Lee Ann...we're probably gonna need more info. Is he abusing you? Cheating? Are you just over the honeymoon and glamour of getting married...and now the reality is setting in? Whats going on girlfriend?
Try marriage counseling. I could give you loads of advice that's worked for me but not necessarily will work for you because every individual and every couple is different. A marriage counselor, on the other hand, will be able to cater their advice to you and your significant other. Hang in there. Take a breath, stop being angry.
maybe you need a "time out". Sometimes spending time apart will make you appreciate eachother. If it is something you feel you can work on, get counceling. But if he is abusive, leave.
The only thing i can say is there's just alot of drama with him not liking my job, friends, family etc. When we first met I had to prove and show to him that life can be fun and rewarding. He has a problem with trusting me, I seem to be paying for the mistakes the other women in his life put him through. I get very upset because i figured that he would of let all of that go after we got married. Everyday we fight about something stupid or disagree on alot. There has never been any cheating that I know of and he's never hit me. But it's the mental abuse I can't take over and over agin. The other day when he finaly realized I'm leaving he told me that I will be going to hell and that he hopes I DIE !!! My heart droped to the floor and these are things I just can't seem to get over anymore.
The only thing i can say is there's just alot of drama with him not liking my job, friends, family etc. When we first met I had to prove and show to him that life can be fun and rewarding. He has a problem with trusting me, I seem to be paying for the mistakes the other women in his life put him through. I get very upset because i figured that he would of let all of that go after we got married. Everyday we fight about something stupid or disagree on alot. There has never been any cheating that I know of and he's never hit me. But it's the mental abuse I can't take over and over agin. The other day when he finaly realized I'm leaving he told me that I will be going to hell and that he hopes I DIE !!! My heart droped to the floor and these are things I just can't seem to get over anymore.
That's enough detail. Leave. Now. Before there might be children in the picture.
The only thing i can say is there's just alot of drama with him not liking my job, friends, family etc. When we first met I had to prove and show to him that life can be fun and rewarding. He has a problem with trusting me, I seem to be paying for the mistakes the other women in his life put him through. I get very upset because i figured that he would of let all of that go after we got married. Everyday we fight about something stupid or disagree on alot. There has never been any cheating that I know of and he's never hit me. But it's the mental abuse I can't take over and over agin. The other day when he finaly realized I'm leaving he told me that I will be going to hell and that he hopes I DIE !!! My heart droped to the floor and these are things I just can't seem to get over anymore.
You wrote that...you had to show him...life can be fun; now he is being negative toward you- sounds like psychological abuse. Is he overly-critical? nit-picking....He may need counseling or will never change.
I am separated over similar issues- no drama or cheating, just his obsessive behavior. That comes from a troubled childhood sometimes. What was his family like?
You should not have to live with someone who is verbally abusive. Discuss counseling. If he isnt open to it, then you may want to reconsider.
I tried to leave for awhile but it seem to make things worse. He though I just wanted to go out and be singal. Instead of looking at it from a positive point of veiw. He said my place is at home with him regaurdless of the situation !!!
Counseling is next it's just trying to not give up befor hand, because the fighting just dosen't stop. I guess every thing will be great as long as I speak when spoken to and put him frist all the time and pretty much just not have a life!!!!!!
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Marriage
were not easy. We fought like cats and dogs!
We lived in an apartment and I was embarrassed to see our neighbors because I'm sure they could hear us arguing all the time!
We also learned that very little is really worth fighting over in the long run. I recall a lot of the fight we had in those early days but I can't even remember WHAT the issue was in most cases. Today I cannot imagine living my life without my sweet husband.
