37 year old virgin needs help (girl, family, children, call)

[cdubs3201]

Originally Posted by Onglet39

I completely disagree - as an adult woman, sexuality (and attitudes towards sex) are most certainly something I want to discuss with someone I am dating before having sex with them. I want to know if you have slept with 200 women, if you have a porn addiction, if you find masturbation weird, if you have only had sex when married, etc etc. I do not want to find out yur attitudes about sex after I'm naked. If we are talking about a couple of mature adults dating with an eye towards something long term, it will come up prior to making a decision to have sex with each other.

I've NEVER been in a relationship where we discussed things of this nature on this high of a level before having sex already.

I'm not trying to be a dick while asking this, but how is dating going for you so far with this approach? I'm really interested in how the dating goes after you've had this "conversation" with people you're just dating.

If it were me personally, I'd be uncomfortable talking about it with someone I was just dating, it would scream to me "RED FLAG!!", and there's a good chance I'd never call you again.

And for the record, I'm no prude, I love sex and have triend many things, but even I would be weirded about by your approach.

[StinaTado]

Maybe you are setting your physical standards too high.

I don't mean you should only ask out ugly women, but a lot of men are very intimidated by beautiful women. Try asking out an average looking woman that you get along with. You'll be more relaxed and can have a real conversation. If you really want a wife, kids and a house in Long Island, you'll need to find someone with substance. anyway I'd ask friends if they know anyone who'd be good for you. Stress the emotional characteristics that are important to you and don't mention anything about the physical. You may meet someone you really like, you may not, but either way, you'll become more comfortable talking to women. In the dating situation, a physical connection is immediate, but an emotional connection takes time. If the woman is willing, take her out on a few dates and really get to know her. It doesn't matter if you're not sexually attracted to her the moment you see her- you may find that there's a lot more underneath that makes her sexy. I know several women who are plain that have wonderful partners. Those couples came to be because the men were looking for a personality, not a look. Make that your goal and your options will open up.

[CESpeed]

Originally Posted by ny101

I want a family and children more than anything. I can wait for the sex, but are women going to be put off if I don't push for sex in the first month. I'd like to get to know her first.

When should I mention lack of experience? If asked I will have to tell. I'd like to tell well before our first sex, but is that wise?

A woman who wants a real relationship will actually appreciate not having the pressure of having sex early in the relationship. Just be honest: I don't want a sexual relationship until we get to know each other.

I would wait until you are ready to have sex before telling her you're a virgin. And you should tell her before having sex so if it isn't good, she'll know why.

[SparklyWonder66]

Originally Posted by Onglet39

I completely disagree - as an adult woman, sexuality (and attitudes towards sex) are most certainly something I want to discuss with someone I am dating before having sex with them. I want to know if you have slept with 200 women, if you have a porn addiction, if you find masturbation weird, if you have only had sex when married, etc etc. I do not want to find out yur attitudes about sex after I'm naked. If we are talking about a couple of mature adults dating with an eye towards something long term, it will come up prior to making a decision to have sex with each other.

HA HA I wasn't suggesting having the long conversation of each others sexual past right before it puts the condom on!

I was basically saying that if someone told me they were a virgin on the second date I might not be in the place he is just yet and this would make me feel uncomfortable. The OP has said he wants to take it slow there is noting wrong with waiting and discussing the sex closer to the time that is about to happen. In fact I think they would both have an interest in each other and the relationship, so this would be the perfect time to discuss this and make sure your both on the same page.

Previous posters are right - Someone's sexual history isn't anyone else's business until it gets to the stage when they are about to embark on something sexual or are in a committed relationship.

Also I wanted to suggest that you have been lucky with your partners previous or otherwise. As porn addicts and serial masturbaters don't normally reveal this straight away or at all as it tends to scare off women.

[CESpeed]

Originally Posted by Skyscrapercrazy

Good grief, I'm not speaking about that kind of prostitute. I'm speaking about the ones you book over the phone and meet up in an hotel, etc.

He would learn a lot with it, not having the pressure to do well with a woman he'll barely see again. That would be a great way to get experience.

It's still bad advice. He can gain experience from the woman he's dating.

[OngletNYC]

Originally Posted by cdubs3201

I've NEVER been in a relationship where we discussed things of this nature on this high of a level before having sex already.

I'm not trying to be a dick while asking this, but how is dating going for you so far with this approach? I'm really interested in how the dating goes after you've had this "conversation" with people you're just dating.

If it were me personally, I'd be uncomfortable talking about it with someone I was just dating, it would scream to me "RED FLAG!!", and there's a good chance I'd never call you again.

And for the record, I'm no prude, I love sex and have triend many things, but even I would be weirded about by your approach.

I have not been in a budding relationship since I got married, 1999, so I can't speak to building a relationship again yet. But look, I grew up in the age of AIDS. I saw people die in the late 80s because they didn't want to discuss sex first. There is absolutely nothing wrong with protecting yourself by asking a person's sexual history. Back then, I discussed sex with everyone I dated in a long-term manner.

If my wanting to know whether you have been with hundreds of people is a red flag for you, so be it. We can and should go our seperate ways at that point. My sexual health is important to me, and I think it should be important to you too.

[CESpeed]

Originally Posted by cdubs3201

The thing is, these women should NOT know he's a virgin. That's none of their business. If they are suspecting it, then it's his fault and he needs to fix his attitude. If he's telling them in emails or something or on the first date, then he's shooting himself in the foot each time. They should not know in any way.

It's interesting that a man would tell another man what women want especially when it's the opposite of what women are telling the man what women like. But then that's the only advice you listen to, so why am I not surprised that would be the advice you give?

To the OP: as has been mentioned, women don't value sex in the relationship the way men do and most women will be okay with lack of sexual experience, but you can't be stressed out over it.

[GypsySoul22]

I'd try various activities that women flock to, as I mentioned. Running may be okay but I doubt ALL the single women are hanging out running in Central Park. Maybe the op isn't a jock or into sporty women.

NY is filled with activities. I suggest you just try a few where the female to male ratio is higher, avoid bars and clubs, and ask your friends or relatives if they know someone decent.

I also think you try asking out women you normally may not consider--the quiet girls, the not so knock out girls. They may be 'less inclined to care' whether you have had sex or not.

[OngletNYC]

Originally Posted by SparklyWonder66

HA HA I wasn't suggesting having the long conversation of each others sexual past right before it puts the condom on!

I was basically saying that if someone told me they were a virgin on the second date I might not be in the place he is just yet and this would make me feel uncomfortable. The OP has said he wants to take it slow there is noting wrong with waiting and discussing the sex closer to the time that is about to happen. In fact I think they would both have an interest in each other and the relationship, so this would be the perfect time to discuss this and make sure your both on the same page.

Previous posters are right - Someone's sexual history isn't anyone else's business until it gets to the stage when they are about to embark on something sexual or are in a committed relationship.

Also I wanted to suggest that you have been lucky with your partners previous or otherwise. As porn addicts and serial masturbaters don't normally reveal this straight away or at all as it tends to scare off women.

Sorry but the other guy said you can discuss it right before sex. I disagree.

Funny thing about masturbation - when I mentioned finding it "weird", I was thinking about people who don't do it all, not those who do it too much. They are very easy to weed out in casual conversation. If you told me you did it 5 times a day, I'd think it's a bit much but not a deal breaker. But if you told me you do it once a year and it makes you cry... I'd be making the check sign to the waiter. Even if we hadn't had dinner yet!

[CESpeed]

Originally Posted by Onglet39

I completely disagree - as an adult woman, sexuality (and attitudes towards sex) are most certainly something I want to discuss with someone I am dating before having sex with them. I want to know if you have slept with 200 women, if you have a porn addiction, if you find masturbation weird, if you have only had sex when married, etc etc. I do not want to find out yur attitudes about sex after I'm naked. If we are talking about a couple of mature adults dating with an eye towards something long term, it will come up prior to making a decision to have sex with each other.

+1 Gotta spread the love.