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Old 04-05-2010, 02:14 PM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 15,066,070 times
Reputation: 3787

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Quote:
Originally Posted by jacktravern View Post
To the OP, u may not want to hear it but I'll say it b/c ur condition is rare; watch porn and practice on call girls/strippers, whatever you can/in experienced woman, whatever you can find that won't laugh u back to the stone ages . Women like to be turned inside out in bed. Even if you find one that really likes you, if the sex is bad thats gonna put a big stain on the relationship and she might look elsewhere to be satisfied. Just curious, what the hell have you been doin all this time? Theres some desperate woman out there that date prisoners for christ sake!
Spoken like a guy who always has to pay for it.

To the OP: click on the names of the posters and you'll see advice like this is coming from guys. You want female opinion since that's who you are trying to date and if you've noticed none of the females think you're being a virgin is a big deal or that there's anything wrong with it. It's inly the horn-dog population (who women try to avoid) who have a problem with it.

 
Old 04-05-2010, 02:22 PM
 
184 posts, read 230,902 times
Reputation: 90
OP: Not wanting to go to a prostitute or anything like that is limiting your chances. One of the reasons why women want hardly anything to do with you is because you lack confidence, and most confidence comes from having sex. I'm 28 now and was 26 when I first had sex, I paid for it. It went quite badly, but I won't rule out going to another woman.
 
Old 04-05-2010, 04:07 PM
 
Location: E ND & NW MN
4,818 posts, read 10,954,834 times
Reputation: 3631
OP: I used private dating services and did meet my now wife. I was 40 when married and a virgin (true!). We have been married for 7 years and have a 4 yr old and 1 yr old twins. Now...to this day....my interest in sex is very very low...we went through fertility treatments to get the kids we do have.

What I am saying....there is hope for you.
 
Old 04-05-2010, 08:57 PM
 
20,561 posts, read 19,218,583 times
Reputation: 8154
Quote:
Originally Posted by jacktravern View Post
To the OP, u may not want to hear it but I'll say it b/c ur condition is rare; watch porn and practice on call girls/strippers, whatever you can/in experienced woman, whatever you can find that won't laugh u back to the stone ages . Women like to be turned inside out in bed. Even if you find one that really likes you, if the sex is bad thats gonna put a big stain on the relationship and she might look elsewhere to be satisfied. Just curious, what the hell have you been doin all this time? Theres some desperate woman out there that date prisoners for christ sake!
An under reported benefit of prison, sex is guaranteed.
 
Old 04-05-2010, 09:01 PM
 
20,561 posts, read 19,218,583 times
Reputation: 8154
Quote:
Originally Posted by CESpeed View Post
Spoken like a guy who always has to pay for it.

To the OP: click on the names of the posters and you'll see advice like this is coming from guys. You want female opinion since that's who you are trying to date and if you've noticed none of the females think you're being a virgin is a big deal or that there's anything wrong with it. It's inly the horn-dog population (who women try to avoid) who have a problem with it.
Hi CESpeed,

The problem is many women will tell you what they should like, not what they actually like. Though I will agree with you working on a good head board rattle is not the way to go. He can get a book...with drawings even.
 
Old 04-06-2010, 02:28 AM
 
Location: London, England
261 posts, read 526,076 times
Reputation: 248
Quote:
Originally Posted by Onglet39 View Post
Talk about sex with a stranger? All I've advocated for on this thread is talking about sex with a person you are considering shagging. I find it rather weird that people here think that's too forward. My position isn't going to change on this anyway: if you are mature enough to have sex, you should be mature enough to discuss it.
I find your advice absurd, and am a little surprised you haven't scared guys away with you questions so very early on. Sexual safety is important which is why I suggest talking about it when you have a vested interest. I wouldn't bombard my friends or dates or even co-worker with questions like a 1950's matron - But if it works for you. Go ahead. Maybe you sleep around and that's why you have to ask on the first date because there isn't a second?? Who knows...

I just think you should think about the person you are giving advice to. The OP isn't comfortable around women and you think by telling him to talk about AIDS on a early date when nothing sexual has even took place is a good idea because it's safe. I think you tipping the scale at crazy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Onglet39 View Post
I live in NYC, and I go out socially with a few people from work. Yes we all talk, joke, brag, etc... but I don't think I know their sexual history well enough to judge if I want to have sex with them. For all I know, the guy that does our payroll likes to give oral at a bus station once a month. We talk a lot, but I doubt he tells me everything.

I think it is a serious subject; I don't think that pub talk really counts for much. I'm not comfortable judging based on pub talk, but of course there is no reason you and I should have the same comfort level.
You are correct we ARE talking about grown up's having sex we are not talking about a seminar at the local sexual health clinic. What is soooo wrong with having a conversation about sex BEFORE having sex. OP is taking it slow and you advise him to discuss his sexual status when he barley know these women. It's BAD, BAD advice.

Also you don't know if the guy in Payrol gives Oral at the bus shelter by talking to him...Well BINGO you don't know this stuff because people only tell you want they want you to know. If you were planning to sleep with him do you think that would be his opening line. Nope didn't think so.

YOU: How many women have you slept with

POTENTIAL DATE: erm......6

Now not only is date shifting around waiting for the next fireball question he also could have slept with 8000 women for all you know.

Remember, bad advice lady gossip is a wonderful thing is some situations but as you don't do that..... remember USE A CONDOM ...You wouldn't want to get AIDS!
 
Old 04-06-2010, 04:52 AM
 
28 posts, read 69,925 times
Reputation: 92
For sexual knowledge, I really think you should spend some time checking out some of the sex manuals. You can find them in the Erotic section of say Borders or Barnes and Noble. They will explain the mechanics of making yourself and your partner happy, where to look for various errogenous zones and provide you with lots of positions to try out. When it comes to sex, book knowledge is a wonderful thing.

For actually dating advice I would try "Intimate Connections" by Davis Burns MD. He does a really good job of getting into the psychology of why some people are so shy they have problems with actually asking anyone out as well as a lot of practical and useful advice on how to overcome it. There is a good chance you can find a copy of this at the library. He does a really good job of attacking the thinking errors and negative self talk that cause some shy people to beat up on themselves in dating situations so much they are afraid to ask someone out. Stuff like mind reading where you decide that you can accurately know with certainty that someone you ask out will say no before you ever ask them out.

Amazon.com: Intimate Connections (9780451148452): David D. Burns: Books

If self help books aren't working, then I would seek out a shrink for counseling about overcoming extreme social phobia.
 
Old 04-06-2010, 02:20 PM
 
548 posts, read 1,210,791 times
Reputation: 801
I suspect that there is something you are doing (unconciously) that is putting women off. What I would do if I were you is to ask a couple trusted friends/family members (who would be honest with you) what those things might be. They might help point you in the right direction (ie are you too jittery when you first meet people? do you hog the conversation? are you too quiet? etc. etc.)
 
Old 04-06-2010, 02:26 PM
 
548 posts, read 1,210,791 times
Reputation: 801
Oh, and I don't think your lack of sexual experience has much to do with it. You are looking for a person to settle down with, so my impression is that you are going for the good girl type who wants a good husband. Sex is something that you should do with someone you love and nobody who truly loves you will care about your lack of experience. There will be plenty of time to practice! I would not worry about that issue, which should only come up in a serious what-are-all-of-the-things-that-you-should-probably-know-about-me-before-you-actually-fall-in-love-with-me conversation.
 
Old 04-06-2010, 02:59 PM
 
2,618 posts, read 6,144,251 times
Reputation: 2119
Quote:
Originally Posted by SparklyWonder66 View Post
I completely understand and when you start dating regularly you will wonder what all the fuss is about. Basically first dates are job interviews with cocktails. I think you just have to be confident in what you have to offer. You have to sell yourself without coming off too strong although the women sitting in front of you will probably share your views on children and such you don't want that to be the thing to scare her away.

She doesn't know you so it's your time to shine. Be honest about your likes and dislikes, be polite and ask questions. You have to like her too it's not all her call.

Relax and continue to date until you find someone you like.

It might help if you tell me more about you. what are your interests? What do you do for a living?. I understand if you don't want to reveal too much on a forum but this might help you to find women with the same type of hobbies.

Yes you have time. it's not too late. if anything it's just the beginning...
SOME women will try to make it an interview, but really you're just meeting them to see if there's any chance for this dating thing to happen. As a guy, I always try to make it fun. Have friendly, funny, LIGHT conversation. Nothing heavy, no politics, relationships, sex, anything negative. Keep it positive, light, funny, make her laugh, let her see you're a fun person but be respectful and ask question. Answer her questions honestly, but don't tell your life story. If she wants to know you, she has to spend time to get to know you, otherwise it's like going to a movie after you figured out the entire plot from watching the previews on TV. If all the funny parts are shown too early, the rest of the movie sucks.
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