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Old 04-05-2010, 09:26 AM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,632,194 times
Reputation: 10384

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Quote:
Originally Posted by cdubs3201 View Post
The thing is, these women should NOT know he's a virgin. That's none of their business. If they are suspecting it, then it's his fault and he needs to fix his attitude. If he's telling them in emails or something or on the first date, then he's shooting himself in the foot each time. They should not know in any way.
I think that by hiding it, he is acknowledging it is a bad thing. He's empowering the negative aspect and giving no power to the positive.

I don't think he should go out of his way to tell women, but if it comes up in conversation - probably after a few successful dates - he should tell the truth.

 
Old 04-05-2010, 09:27 AM
 
6,764 posts, read 22,014,044 times
Reputation: 4772
Try finding women to be friends with. Join a book group *you're in NYC for crying out loud* or a class or something where the ratio of women is higher than men (no, not Home Depot).

Once you get some girl FRIENDS you will be more confident around women in general and these friends also have friends and will give you a segue into the world of women/dating.

Don't have 'time frames' and 'agendas.'

Also, avoid showy, gold digger girls. There are plenty of them in NYC and Long Island. Try to go to 'regular' activities (again, at libraries, museums), night school.

I agree, your sexuality is no ones business and I would not even talk about it. In addition, no, you do not have to have sex within a certain time frame.
 
Old 04-05-2010, 09:39 AM
 
Location: London, England
261 posts, read 526,183 times
Reputation: 248
Quote:
Originally Posted by Onglet39 View Post
I think that by hiding it, he is acknowledging it is a bad thing. He's empowering the negative aspect and giving no power to the positive.

I don't think he should go out of his way to tell women, but if it comes up in conversation - probably after a few successful dates - he should tell the truth.
I don't think it will come in conversation. There is no need to mention it until he finds a women he likes and they have decided to sleep with each other. As a women I wouldn't care or ask. If they told me too early I might be worried but only because something so personal was being revealed on a first or second date. I would rather not be told. But if the OP wants to be open and honest I would say definitely wait until things are progressing to the sex stage.
 
Old 04-05-2010, 09:43 AM
 
Location: Tri-State Area
2,942 posts, read 5,987,816 times
Reputation: 1839
Quote:
Originally Posted by GypsySoul22 View Post
Try finding women to be friends with. Join a book group *you're in NYC for crying out loud* or a class or something where the ratio of women is higher than men (no, not Home Depot).

Once you get some girl FRIENDS you will be more confident around women in general and these friends also have friends and will give you a segue into the world of women/dating.

Don't have 'time frames' and 'agendas.'

Also, avoid showy, gold digger girls. There are plenty of them in NYC and Long Island. Try to go to 'regular' activities (again, at libraries, museums), night school.

I agree, your sexuality is no ones business and I would not even talk about it. In addition, no, you do not have to have sex within a certain time frame.
A book club? maybe in the winter, but now it's spring/summer - and the best places to meet women is in the park - Central Park. Here's a two for one - join the NY Road Runner's club - if you are in semi-decent shape (not obese), take one of their beginner runner classes. Then from there, find a running partner, keep running - you will meet people, all sorts of people - don't hit on the 21 year olds or the married/attached ones either, but there are plenty of single women in NYC into guys who like to get into or keep in shape and they are in the PARK! Run a few road races - nothing too difficult - 5ks, they have one almost every weekend. Run along the waterfront - West Side Highway, down by Chelsea Piers, head south towards Battery Park. Get out there!! If anything, the running will get you in shape and the exercise will motivate you - women like guys with goals, motivation, confidence. You don't have to be Mr. Bubbly.
 
Old 04-05-2010, 09:50 AM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
10,165 posts, read 20,708,050 times
Reputation: 19855
Stick to interactive activities like dance lessons or cooking classes as opposed to approaching women you don't know in Central Park. Most of them probably have ear plugs in their ears or their face in a book and aren't going to be very receptive to the creepy guy approaching them in the park. Not saying the OP is creepy, but for someone who is probably somewhat shy and awkward around women, this wouldn't be the ideal approach.
 
Old 04-05-2010, 09:57 AM
 
Location: Tri-State Area
2,942 posts, read 5,987,816 times
Reputation: 1839
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68 View Post
Stick to interactive activities like dance lessons or cooking classes as opposed to approaching women you don't know in Central Park. Most of them probably have ear plugs in their ears or their face in a book and aren't going to be very receptive to the creepy guy approaching them in the park. Not saying the OP is creepy, but for someone who is probably somewhat shy and awkward around women, this wouldn't be the ideal approach.
He wouldn't be approaching them if he was running in a group setting - people generally talk to each other if pursuing a similar hobby - running for instance. I know a number of single people who did start dating relationships from running. A couple of them even got married, so it is possible.

If he joined a few of these groups, he could potentially bust out of his shell. A cooking class might work - but with all the nice weather we've been having, chances are most of the single women will be out and about, not taking a cooking class. He's 37, I just hope he doesn't have a timeline in mind, I'm 37, must be engaged by 38, must be married and living on the island by 39.....chances are that will never work.
 
Old 04-05-2010, 10:00 AM
 
2,618 posts, read 6,146,183 times
Reputation: 2119
Quote:
Originally Posted by Onglet39 View Post
I think that by hiding it, he is acknowledging it is a bad thing. He's empowering the negative aspect and giving no power to the positive.

I don't think he should go out of his way to tell women, but if it comes up in conversation - probably after a few successful dates - he should tell the truth.
Sorry, but sexual history is not anyone's business unless you're already engaged in sexual relations, or there's some sort of committed relationship established. Otherwise it's none of the other person's business what your sexual history is, and there's no reason to divulge that information. A few dates doesn't earn you anything.
 
Old 04-05-2010, 10:04 AM
 
Location: London, England
261 posts, read 526,183 times
Reputation: 248
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdubs3201 View Post
Sorry, but sexual history is not anyone's business unless you're already engaged in sexual relations, or there's some sort of committed relationship established. Otherwise it's none of the other person's business what your sexual history is, and there's no reason to divulge that information. A few dates doesn't earn you anything.
Exactly!
 
Old 04-05-2010, 10:04 AM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,632,194 times
Reputation: 10384
Quote:
Originally Posted by SparklyWonder66 View Post
I don't think it will come in conversation. There is no need to mention it until he finds a women he likes and they have decided to sleep with each other. As a women I wouldn't care or ask. If they told me too early I might be worried but only because something so personal was being revealed on a first or second date. I would rather not be told. But if the OP wants to be open and honest I would say definitely wait until things are progressing to the sex stage.
I completely disagree - as an adult woman, sexuality (and attitudes towards sex) are most certainly something I want to discuss with someone I am dating before having sex with them. I want to know if you have slept with 200 women, if you have a porn addiction, if you find masturbation weird, if you have only had sex when married, etc etc. I do not want to find out yur attitudes about sex after I'm naked. If we are talking about a couple of mature adults dating with an eye towards something long term, it will come up prior to making a decision to have sex with each other.
 
Old 04-05-2010, 10:07 AM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,632,194 times
Reputation: 10384
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdubs3201 View Post
Sorry, but sexual history is not anyone's business unless you're already engaged in sexual relations, or there's some sort of committed relationship established. Otherwise it's none of the other person's business what your sexual history is, and there's no reason to divulge that information. A few dates doesn't earn you anything.
Absolutely not, the time to discuss sexual history is BEFORE you decide to have sex, not after you've already done it.

I can just imagine dating someone, never discussing sexual history, sleeping with them and having them want to high five me when it's over: "Congrats to me, you are my 500th lay!"

No, I want to know about that ahead of time. Because I would definitely have passed.
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