37 year old virgin needs help (dating, movies, marriage, women) - Relationships -Dating, marriage, boyfriends, girlfriends, men, women, friends, attraction ... - City-Data Forum

ny101 · 04-05-2010, 07:48 AM

I'm a 37 year old virgin in New York City. I got picked on relentlessly in school and went into a shell and gave up any hope of marriage and children or even a relationship until last December.

I worked up the courage to join an internet dating website late last year and finally got the courage to ask some women out. The three dates I've had did not work out. Two ended with them complimenting me but not wanting to see me again.

I'm of average height 5-10.5, dress decently, have no missing teeth, have a decent job and a few friends. The lack of any type of sexual experience stands out I know.

I just read some posts about women not wanting to date virgins and see someone said the age of no return for a male virgin is 30 which was 7 years ago for me. Is that true? Am I too late? I will not go to a prostitute under any circumstances no matter how horny I feel so don't ask.

I dream of having a family and moving out to Long Island. Please be honest. Is it realistic?

Cleverbeetle98 · 04-05-2010, 07:55 AM

Absolutely - but I think you need to not worry about getting sex. If you are truly interested in dating and relationships, that should be your focus - but don't be desperate about it (i.e. trying to make it work with people who aren't interested or you don't really see a future with).

I would also advise not mentioning the lack of experience at any early stage in the dating....only the right people need to know about that.

SparklyWonder66 · 04-05-2010, 08:07 AM

You are putting way to much pressure on yourself. I don't think your sexual inexperience can be that obvious on a date (well guessing that things didn't get close to that stage) but your lack of confidence will be. I can't speak for every women but I think that most wouldn't care if you were a virgin. if you were compatible about everything else. Everyone was a virgin at one point.

I wouldn't mention this on a date as you are just getting to know these women. Wait. See how you get on and then when you think things will move to that stage then you can mention it. You don't have to though it totally your choice. Stay away from the word Virgin and just say you aren't as experienced as most. IF YOU WANT TO.

It only takes one and you will be a virgin no more. Whoever suggests visiting a prostitute is crazy that is not the way to go.

You sound like a nice guy who just wants to find a nice partner to share your life with. Relax, continue to date, be confident about everything you have to offer and everything else will fall into place.

ny101 · 04-05-2010, 08:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by swmrbird

Absolutely - but I think you need to not worry about getting sex. If you are truly interested in dating and relationships, that should be your focus - but don't be desperate about it (i.e. trying to make it work with people who aren't interested or you don't really see a future with).

I would also advise not mentioning the lack of experience at any early stage in the dating....only the right people need to know about that.

I want a family and children more than anything. I can wait for the sex, but are women going to be put off if I don't push for sex in the first month. I'd like to get to know her first.

When should I mention lack of experience? If asked I will have to tell. I'd like to tell well before our first sex, but is that wise?

andreaspercheron · 04-05-2010, 08:21 AM

Look at it this way. Everyone has to start somewhere. The first step is always the hardest, it's always the most stressful too but, if you don't put yourself out there and be honest, you will never meet anyone because they won't know you're alive.
Just start talking to anyone who interests you and go from there. You don't even need to put out there that you are a virgin until you get comfortable enough to talk about it.

Skyscrapercrazy · 04-05-2010, 08:33 AM

You should go to prostitutes do gain some experience first. There's nothing wrong with it.

Then you could try to find a woman.

cricket_factor · 04-05-2010, 08:37 AM

What are your interests or hobbies? Besides getting married and having children, what's your passion in life? Do you like sports, music, movies, books? Traveling?

Do you talk about what you like to do in life on the date? Neediness, whether it's from a man or a woman, will push the opposite sex away fast.

cuinlalaland · 04-05-2010, 08:38 AM

Hey look on the bright side. Most guys aren't any good at sex anyway, I doubt many women would be able to tell the difference between someone with no experience vs. someone who just flat out sucks

SparklyWonder66 · 04-05-2010, 08:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skyscrapercrazy

You should go to prostitutes do gain some experience first. There's nothing wrong with it.

Then you could try to find a woman.

Don't do this. Not only is it disgusting. You catch something and you aren't going to pick up tips in the back ally of a Mcdonalds! Awful advice!

Coolhand68 · 04-05-2010, 08:43 AM

Do you have any male friends? What do you enjoy doing with them? Apply that to a potential relationship when dating. Do things that you both enjoy together as friends and see where it goes from there. Don't worry about the lack of experience. No need to bring that up either.

What do you enjoy doing in your spare time? Try to find someone with common interests and get to know them while enjoying that activity together. See where it goes from there.