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Disclaimer: I am not responsible for anyone falling out of their chair after watching this! ROTFLMO.............. Click the bottom link embedding disabled.
"Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, 'Think again, bat man.' "
— Jack Handy, 'Deep Thoughts'
A guy is taking a train trip overnight and as he settles into his bunk in the sleeper car, he hears someone climb into the bunk below him. He can see down behind the curtain and sees a beautiful blonde getting settled in for the night. He watches as she takes off her blouse and removes her falsies. He stares intently as she takes off her false eyelashes and removes her glass eye. He is mesmerized as she removes her false teeth and places her prosthetic leg on the nightstand. Just then the blonde happens to look up and sees the guy watching her. Naturally she is horrified and yells, "What do you want?"
He says, "You know what I want, toss it up here!"
Bonus
Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One looks over at the other and states “Man is it hot in here!â€
The 2nd muffin turns to the first muffin and exclaims “ Oh my god, A TALKING MUFFIN!â€
Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrance on your ass. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrance was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo.
Go Jack Torrance on your ass!
Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in. Not by the hair of your chiny-chin-chin? Well then I'll huff and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in.
[axes the door]
Here's Johnny!!!
Spoiler
Last edited by saucywench; 05-01-2010 at 12:19 PM..
Me too! Jack Nicholson is one of my favorite actors.
Here are some funny bits from the Rude Signs of the Zodiac link.
Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives.
Taurus-You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh.
Gemini-Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur.
Hell, if I'd jumped on all the dames I'm supposed to have jumped on, I'd have had no time to go fishing.~Clarke Gable
Last edited by saucywench; 05-01-2010 at 01:53 PM..
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