Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
When people talk about getting permission from our SOs it usually seems to cover concepts of sacrifice through compromise or sacrifice through control. I learned a different angle this past weekend. I've wanted an expensive toy for years and years (canon rebel DSLR). I've never purchased it because of the costs and instead have this hybrid that I'd like to throw out the window on most days. When my dh's laptop cr*pped out on Friday we had to go to Best Buy to get him a new one since he's a F/T student (we had a zero balance on the card). It's a must have. He saw me swooning over in the camera section and told me to go for it, that he's starting the summer job soon, etc.
So, I bought it (very exciting). I never would have purchased the camera otherwise. If I were single, it wouldn't have happened. Pretty much everything I own is second hand. I don't like to spend money, etc bla. I needed the permission of another to splurge and I found that to be interesting.
I feel if my wife were to run out and spend an extra ordinary amout of money I should have a heads up. Unless its from her money stash, then its really none of my business what she does with her money with respect to our marrage. Permission is only needed if its "house" money.
(that's a two-way street)
When people talk about getting permission from our SOs it usually seems to cover concepts of sacrifice through compromise or sacrifice through control. I learned a different angle this past weekend. I've wanted an expensive toy for years and years (canon rebel DSLR). I've never purchased it because of the costs and instead have this hybrid that I'd like to throw out the window on most days. When my dh's laptop cr*pped out on Friday we had to go to Best Buy to get him a new one since he's a F/T student (we had a zero balance on the card). It's a must have. He saw me swooning over in the camera section and told me to go for it, that he's starting the summer job soon, etc.
So, I bought it (very exciting). I never would have purchased the camera otherwise. If I were single, it wouldn't have happened. Pretty much everything I own is second hand. I don't like to spend money, etc bla. I needed the permission of another to splurge and I found that to be interesting.
That says more about you than your relationship. Any large purchase, my husband and I discuss before hand - but the fact that you never would have bought it even if you were single and had no one else to consider shows that you can't make a big decision (when it comes to money) on your own. You don't need "permission", you need reassurance. I'm not sure I would like that about me if it were me, I like knowing I can make my own choices and don't need to be reassured I'm doing the right thing.
I can relate to Braunwyn. I tend to be the same way. I have never had new furniture or dishes that match. Maybe it is a reassurance thing. I have been mom, wife and grandma and always put everyone elses needs and wants before mine so I have always felt guilty spending money on most things for myself. When I was married I also needed that push from the dh to buy anything for myself or be mad at him. LOL.
That says more about you than your relationship. Any large purchase, my husband and I discuss before hand - but the fact that you never would have bought it even if you were single and had no one else to consider shows that you can't make a big decision (when it comes to money) on your own. You don't need "permission", you need reassurance. I'm not sure I would like that about me if it were me, I like knowing I can make my own choices and don't need to be reassured I'm doing the right thing.
This is a good point. I have no doubt that I wouldn't have purchased my home if I wasn't married. The idea of large purchases (obviously a camera is different than a home) is a signifcant burden to me. It's definately psychological.
Another example is vacationing. When I was single and travelled I justified it with working gigs (retailer and street performer). If I couldn't figure out a way to pay as I go, I wouldn't go. I think I may get it from my mother. We're very much the same when it comes to money. Any way, it's nice to have a mate temper that quirk. At my age, I don't know if it will ever change. Reassurance/permission...permitting myself to indulge. Eh, same difference from where I sit.
I can relate to Braunwyn. I tend to be the same way. I have never had new furniture or dishes that match. Maybe it is a reassurance thing. I have been mom, wife and grandma and always put everyone elses needs and wants before mine so I have always felt guilty spending money on most things for myself. When I was married I also needed that push from the dh to buy anything for myself or be mad at him. LOL.
Yes! guilt. I'm feeling the guilt lol. Were you raised Catholic too? j/k!
I can relate also. I put it down to my Mother's influence. She would never buy herself anything nice, instead she spent money on her children. My Father on the other hand consistently indulged himself with new toys.
Even though I have worked all my life I have always felt guilty if I bought myself something new because there's always a bill to pay or the kids needed blah blah.
It's only in the past 5-6 years I have brand new furniture and very expensive cookware etc.
I'm jealous that you got a nice camera though. That's on my 'splurge list'.
I feel if my wife were to run out and spend an extra ordinary amout of money I should have a heads up. Unless its from her money stash, then its really none of my business what she does with her money with respect to our marrage. Permission is only needed if its "house" money.
(that's a two-way street)
Well, I thought permission was a good word because of 'permitting myself to indulge' and that it's reverse compromise (sort of).
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
